In my quest for some fresh FPH material, I recently made an account on a dating app called Luxy. For those of you that don't know, Luxy is one of those so-called "elite" matching services. There are two ways to get in -- either you get voted in by existing members or you prove that you make at least $200k a year.
As soon as my account was approved, I knew I'd see some shit, but boy, did I see some shit.
We all know hams are entitled and self-indulgent. But like a supervirus that develops in the most heavily sanitized areas of hospitals, I encountered a breed of superham I didn't think was possible.
The profiles were incredible to read, and there were plenty to keep me entertained. One ham after another, pudging it up for the camera (bingo wings and all), trying their very best to look sexy.
These hams set their profile requirements for the complete package -- at least 6 feet tall, must be fit/ripped/athletic/muscular/Adonis, make at least $x00k per year, own instead of rent, have your MA from an Ivy League school, no older than 30 years old, etc. I'm not exactly the catch-of-the-year myself, but it was incredible to see the sheer brazenness of some of the demands.
Now while this sort of thing isn't necessarily exclusive to any one particular app or site, what floored me was the unique extent to which these hams took their entitled nature. Literally stuff like "I will not accept any less than 4 exotic vacations per year," "Don't bother if you don't like watching," "I need an allowance of at least $x per week," etc. And of course, the usual "I AM BIG AND BEAUTIFUL, DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ME" refrains, although there was one that sought to have some sucker pay for her to get weight-reduction/cosmetic surgery in exchange for... something or whatever.
Anyhow, just thought I'd share the experience with my fellow goats. Hope y'all enjoyed.
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[–] Slimabuns 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
So how did all these fat women get in?
[–] Splooge [S] 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
A few I saw had verified incomes, but the majority were voted in by the rest of the "pool." That's one of the reasons I was shocked, but I guess even rich men can be desperate.
My guess (and it's only a guess) is like all dating services, Luxy is no exception to the gender ratio problem. They're probably much more lax on approving female membership to make it somewhat "worth it" for men that pay for premium features. IIRC, paying for a membership can also get you instantly approved.
I wouldn't be surprised if a ham doesn't get voted through, but admins pass her anyway just to be able to say "we have [number] women waiting for you!"
[–] anharmonicity 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Not a catch? Beg to differ. Hahaha cries into graduate student salary
[–] Splooge [S] ago
I don’t have a college degree. That puts me behind in a lot of respects, although to be fair, you gotta be college-educated to be as retarded as some of these fats. 😂
[–] heyfattybomsticks 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Surely all these requests are completely futile? I think it'd be easier to try to convert a street-soiled drug addict than a insufferably smug food addicted ham.
[–] PaulNeriAustralia 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
dunno. Could be self-delusion. I mean, if you look at yourself for long enough in the mirror then...as the sun travels across the sky and casts shadows in the room and shapes and form rearrange in the fading light then...if you half close your eyes...you could see someone quite beautiful staring back at you?
[–] fabulousalpaca 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Plus they delude themselves with horseshit such as "everyone is beautiful and awesome!". Tumblr is one fuck of an echochamber.
[–] Splooge [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I don't get it any more than you do. I think it's an attempt to mask self-loathing, as in "if I act like I'm not worthless, others will attribute value to me." Like companies that put $600 price tags on something that costs maybe $10 to make, plenty of people buy it.
Ironically, in the case of Louis Vuitton, there have been counterfeits found with higher quality stitching and materials than the "genuine" articles.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
[–] Splooge [S] 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago (edited ago)
I've been just automatically swiping no on all but a handful of profiles, but I'll start compiling some choice picks for a future post! Unfortunately, Luxy has really low daily swipe limits, but fear not, I promise to deliver!
[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I need this. You can't make a post like this without pictures! I wanna laugh damnit!
[–] [deleted] 1 point 0 points 1 point (+1|-1) ago
[–] Krek 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Please take screenshots!
[–] SUPA_FUPA 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
You forgot "Must drive nice car with lots of space!" in it too. Also, most people, even lawyers, don't even make close to 200k! 150k if they're lucky and that's the salary of most CEOs! These fats are so entitled, no wonder they haven't grown up past the Disney mindset yet where they demanded to be treated like princesses!
[–] PaulNeriAustralia 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I reckon it's bravado. They say if you don't value yourself then you can't expect others to but this sounds like the girls are going over the top.
[–] Splooge [S] ago
A very astute observation -- perception of self-worth is important but isn't useful on its own. These hams have it in spades but do absolutely nothing else. They stop at the self-congratulatory point.