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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago 

Not really sure if anyone cares but I got engaged to the Shitlord of my dreams. Go me!

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[–] SurgicalShitlord 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Congrats donuts!

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Thanks! No fatties invited to my wedding lol

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[–] Duress56 [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Congratulations!

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Thanks Boss! :)

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Woah! Can't wait to see the donut-shaped cake!

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Funny, we already talked about getting a donut tier instead of an actual cake :) :) :)

No fatties are allowed though, they'd probably eat it as soon as they saw it!

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[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Congrats!

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Hey thanks man! Glad to see you're still around!

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[–] PetChan 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

My new midwife is one in a million so far. Young, good looking, physically fit, and not a victim to fatlogic. So rare to see in the health profession these days.

Also, got to see shitkid #2 on the ultrasound for the first time yesterday, so now I’m even more excited to be a mom again. :D

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[–] sad_diner 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Awesome. Congratulations!

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[–] Somnivangelist 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Congratulations! How far along are you?

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[–] PetChan 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Thanks! Only 9 weeks, so it’s not due until late march/early april.

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

And I'm sure your midwife is SUPER relieved to not have to deal with another fatass :)

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[–] fabulousalpaca 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

That's fantastic!

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[–] Beeblebrox68 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

I wrote this post but I don't have enough CCPs to post it, enjoy.

So I volunteer for the local search and rescue, not anything technical like rope rescues or anything. Just finding lost or missing hikers in the mountains near here and dealing with medical emergencies until someone actually trained can hike in (or helicopter in).

Today we got a call in about a hiker with a broken ankle. I was on a trail 1 exit down I-90 so ran back down, hopped in my car, and went looking for the distressed hiker. A slight comms breakdown so it wasn't really clear where on the trail she was, I thought it was about 8 miles in at tricky section where we get falls sometimes. But no...I find her...literally 3/4 miles from the trailhead...a ham beast of enormous proportions, all stuffed into way too small yoga pants that must have been reinforced by carbon nanotubes or something. Sitting there bawling her ass off.

So I just splint her ankle (I'm not a doc or paramedic, didn't look broken to me or whatever, but I'm not risking anything) and we wait for a paramedic and reinforcements.

Eventually we about 10 search and rescue folks up there and are trying to figure out a way to get her back down, we try to convince the fatty to use a crutch and just go reaaaal slow (after all it is 3/4 of a mile) but she's asserting her size and acting like a total brat (OH AND ASKING FOR SNACKS, CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT)

We try to get her on our litter to somehow carry her to the trailhead, but she's too fat for that and in any case I don't think 11 of us can do it even though we have a unicycle we use to bear most of the weight.

So eventually we have to cajole and berate this fat fuck to help us help her, I mean it's not like she had a heart attack or something and we can definitely keep weight off that ankle with a crutch and some support from the wheel and a few of us.

And the 3/4 of a mile walk back to the trailhead took 2 hours. I shit you not. What a fucking shit show. I'm just a volunteer as were most of us out there. Fucking fat obeasts. I swear to god the next call I get I am gonna ask them the weight of the person and let someone else handle it if they're god damn fat.

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I bet it didn't break anything. It got tired after a few hundred metres and didn't want to walk back so it called the rescuers to carry it.

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[–] MeowsephStalin 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago  (edited ago)

On topic but not worth it's own post:

I toured a senior facility today and got to meet a few department heads. Well one gal who we shall name "hamantha" was in charge of intake (resident intake). I chuckled to myself at the irony of a very fat lady being titled "in charge of intake". That has to sting.

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

XD

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[–] PsiloTheWolf 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

As much as i like to avoid hams, i find that i like going through the checkout line at the grocery store that has the biggest pig working in it. I like to think that ringing up an order of all produce and nuts, real food and no proccessed shit makes them think about their own shitty diet choices, and why theyre fat. Hope it makes them feel like the pigs they are.

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Reminder that we have a FPH Dead Pool. Here are the current guesses and I have now included a column for when the guess was made so that people who guess accurately from long before someone dies get credit. Also, here is a neat reference for those who like pictures.

If you would like to guess, please make it relatively specific. Don't guess in ranges of several months or years. That's cheating and no fun. An exact day is ideal and you still get credit if your day is close to a couple of months. Don't take it seriously and use the opportunity to be ambitious!

You may also add people to the list. It is by no mean exhaustive. It is just to get your imagination working.

I am happy and sad to report that Simply Syrup is not quite dead. She is a crowd favourite and recently disappeared from YouTube for several months. She is, however, uploading videos again so while she unfortunately continues to exist, she is fortunately still available for selection.

Criticism and suggestions are welcome.

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[–] ohgoodlord 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Julianne, Ragen's girlfriend, November 15, 2018. She's at the size where she could drop at any second.

The Tess Monster, April 6, 2019. Keeps getting bigger and bigger and her feet were looking mighty Beetus-y in a recent photo.

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[–] Somnivangelist 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Put me down for Roxanne Gay, August 1 2020.

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[–] DessertFox 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I had forgotten about Simply Sarah! So she had another months-long disappearance?

These fats die out faster than the Marlboro Man.

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[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Oh man I'd take Tammy January second 2020

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[–] DessertFox 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago  (edited ago)

A pair of fats destroyed my car.

I was stopped perfectly legally and waiting to make a turn, and they drove into the back of me at 30mph. They were distracted - they were arguing over whether one of their two spawns needed to be in a child seat. They at least stopped and provided insurance info and the cops showed up.

Then they proceeded to argue about whether they need to buy a replacement child seat, because you're supposed to replace them after a crash, but the fatty driver tried to argue that it doesn't apply if the child wasn't in the seat at the time.

My back has been sore for the two weeks since the crash, and my ability to focus and short-term memory are completely messed up. I'm better off than my car, which has a bent chassis and a lot of rear and rear-quarter damage.

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

This has to be my number one fear. One day some distracted, arrogant hamplanet is going to be reaching for fries it dropped under the seat instead of watching the road and they are going to destroy my one true love. My car is the only thing I really care about and I'm going to kill whoever breaks it.

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[–] DessertFox 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Insurance can help - but I don't know how badly the insurance company will try to treat me. I intend to keep my car and repair it as much as possible, as it's still drivable. Besides, everything I read says that their 'replacement' value isn't actually enough to get an exactly identical car (same model, year, miles, etc). And they would reduce the payout if I keep the car, as otherwise they would sell it for salvage (oh hell no!) and they would keep the proceeds from the salvage sale.

Anyway, I'm not exactly looking forward to arguing with them over it. I'm very pedantic and can ensure that they won't brush me off with a low offer that would be easy to accept; but this may be a process. At least the car is still drivable; I'd be sending the underwriter a bunch of listings from AutoTrader and telling him that 'fair replacement value' actually means 'this is the replacement, so buy it for me'.

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[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Wow. They're a whole lotta stupid, but I'm not surprised. Hope you're ok.

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[–] DessertFox 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Thanks. I'm gradually feeling a bit better, and finally starting to get some real work done again. It's remarkable how little work I was able to do in the days after the accident; not due to pain or obvious injuries, but just in terms of focus and (for a lack of better word) motivation. And I've utterly dedicated myself to my work, there's no lack of motivation otherwise. Yesterday I was able to get some small stuff done, and today I've been able to stick to it for a few hours. Hopefully I'm back to normal by next week.

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[–] LiterallyGoebbels 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I was here 3 years ago, when FPH was banned from reddit. Now I'm here again, after /r/milliondollarextreme was booted. Glad to see you FPH people still doing good.

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