Last Friday a bunch of us from work went out to lunch as a goodbye and good luck to a co-worker who is leaving. We went to a bar and grill type place that mostly sells burgers and ribs, but also has a pretty nice soup and salad bar. Among our party was a grossly large Mexican lady from the office that everyone hates. Everyone doesn't hate her because she's fat per se, but because as usual her globbiness is a symptom of her laziness and self-centeredness, and thus everyone always has to do her work for her. None-the-less it was basically an "everyone at the office is invited" thing, so no real way to ditch her (tbh it would be questionable if we could escape her gravitational pull even if we wanted to).
When it's fatty's turn to order she makes a big show to the entire group of she will only be having the soup and salad bar because she is watching her weight, as though this is some grand sacrifice and expected us all to start a slow clap to standing ovation in honor of such suffering. I found myself just thinking, "First of all, fatty, half of everyone here ordered the salad bar, because that's a perfectly normal thing to have for lunch. Second of all, we're all literally watching your weight all the time, whether we want to or not, because at your size it's practically impossible to get you out of our field of vision."
But I digress.
The humans there who ordered the salad bar all had about what you would expect - some green salad, maybe a few more fancy vegetables or such than you might if you were making a salad at home cause they're there, but normal lunch salad, and side cup of soup or maybe a small side of a specialty salad (pasta, tomato, etc).
The slobbering sow's did not resemble everyone else's at all. The sow announced that she had made a "taco salad," because that way she didn't need any dressing and could instead use sour cream, which was low carb. "Good plan, ham planet," I thought. "Luckily I'm sure that giant pile of tortilla chips you have next to your giant pile of sour cream, guacamole, and cheese on your 'salad' are also low carb."
The sow also had herself a bowl of chili. Not a cup, the way most people did if they got a side soup - a bowl. The place provides two sizes of plates for salads and two sizes of bowls for soups, presumably assuming if you had a big soup you'd have a small salad or vice versa. Guess again. Fatty took a full sized plate for her
nachos "taco salad" and a full sized bowl filling the latter partially with chili, but mostly with sour cream and cheese (what is fat's obsession with cheese?).
The entire ordeal would have been just completely disgusting if it hadn't turned comical. Another woman from our group, one who is quite trim, ordered a diet coke to go with her (normal serving from the) salad bar. The sow went on an extended lecture about how bad diet soda is for you to her, and how artificial sweeteners will make you fat, and that's what had gotten her "a little chunky" in the first place. LOL. Because apparently not only can drinking Diet Coke be responsible for making you roughly the size of the moon, but a woman who is probably around 5'6 and a buck fifteen desperately needs diet advice from a woman barely five even but easily past two bills.
The sow proceeded to order three refills to her regular Coke.
At the end of the meal when we cut an oversized cookie we brought from outside fatty asked for, "A good sized piece, because I was good and had the salad bar and didn't even go back for seconds."