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[–] DorothyMantooth ago 

Agreed. I tell my daughters that they should wait for marriage, but I don't actually expect them to; I just hope that by telling them that, and by underscoring the importance of sex and that it is a big deal--not something to be scared of, but an important thing--that they will at least wait until they're with someone who truly loves and is committed to them. I tell them their bodies are not playgrounds for public use, and that there is nothing worse than the feeling of being used and discarded or sharing something so intimate with someone who doesn't care. And that it's much better with someone you love who loves you, anyway. But there's a difference between teaching them that chastity is good and virginity is good and sex is special, and outright naming them Chastity; it's like the former is your message to them and the latter is your message to the world about them.

Luckily, mine aren't too interested yet, lol. I was forced two years ago to explain what sex actually is to my then-eleven-year-old, because her British public school was about to do their very graphic and detailed Sex Ed program (I mean, with photos of genitalia and everything). I explained it to her as gently as I could, and when I was done, there was a beat or two and she burst into tears, lol. Poor baby! I promised her she didn't ever have to do it if she didn't want to, but she was (and still is, to some extent) so upset because she loves babies and can't wait to get married and have some, but doesn't want to do "that" to get them. (Of course, I also told her that when she's older and falls in love, it won't seem so gross, and that she should focus on the fact that it's about being as close to someone as you can get and about sharing and all of that.) My older daughter is just nervous about the whole "boys" thing in general, so I'm not too worried yet. I don't know how I raised such prudish little ones, heh, but I'm not complaining!

My youngest just got her first period yesterday, btw. Ack! My baby! cries Lol. Luckily she's handling it well and has her big sister and me to help, but...my baby is officially no longer a baby.

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[–] Sarcastatron_9000 ago 

Your first paragraph...spot on!

Second one...haha yeah my daughter and my son are polar opposites. My daughter is very private and shy about any sort of sexual topics so it's been a challenge to educate her and prepare her for life as a woman. She tends to shut down. My son, though - that guy has no shame and sometimes that can be its own kind of awkward. But it's far easier to have these discussions with him. He's nearly 14 and in spite of his knowledge about sex he is still very much the innocent in his relationships with and feelings about girls. He likes girls but he has zero interest in having a girlfriend, and is still at the stage where his greatest joy in life is scaring and pestering his sister's friends.

My youngest just got her first period yesterday, btw.

My daughter had her first one last fall just before she turned 12. Bittersweet mom moment for sure - not a baby anymore!

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[–] DorothyMantooth ago 

My daughter had her first one last fall just before she turned 12. Bittersweet mom moment for sure - not a baby anymore!

Yep. Mommy-tears-time. Luckily, I've been through it twice before (my older daughter, and my stepdaughter-who is seven or eight years older than my eldest--was with us for the summer when she got hers, which was a joy [sarcasm. I love my sd, but it was just like, "Really? I have to do this, instead of her mom?"]). I cried when my oldest got hers, and cried a little this time, too, but it was easier than I thought it would be--I'd been expecting it to happen any day for a while, because she is developing fast. I suspect she's going to be busty like my mom, because she's practically bigger than me already, lol, and she's only thirteen (I am just barely a B-cup, though. My D-cup mom always promised me that, like her, I'd end up bigger than I wanted; I'm still waiting). Plus, for me, there's a huge sense of relief there, because I was a very, very late developer (first period at 15!!) which was awful, so I'm mostly just very happy that neither of them are having to go through that--I was worried about that from the day they were born, pretty much.

Youngest is handling it really well, though, which is nice; she's asking questions and wanting to talk about it, which as you know makes it feel like we're doing something right, that they want our input and help. Older sounds a lot like your daughter, though: very private, very shy, shuts down rather than asks questions. She gets embarrassed easily and is really afraid of this whole growing-up thing, so I (and my husband, although to a lesser extent since obviously there are some topics he leaves mostly to me) try really hard to focus on the positive things while only briefly touching on the "scary" parts for now, and just making clear that I'm always happy to talk about anything when she wants to/is ready.

I can imagine how awkward that could get with a boy, lol! I always wanted a boy, sigh, but when it comes to the whole puberty thing I have to admit it's a little easier to have girls because at least I've been there.