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[–] DorothyMantooth 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

If you've never read the "Not Without my Handbag: Baby's Got a Bad, Bad Name," site, you should. It's sadly not been updated in a long time (or at least hadn't last time I checked), but the archives are hilarious.

I HATE those "creative" spellings even more than I hate the fucking Cabbage Patch names these morons give their children. Our old neighbors named their daughter "Neveah." You know, "heaven" spelled backward. When they told me her name it took all the effort I could give to smile and say, "Oh, that's pretty," instead of making gagging noises and asking if they wanted her to grow up to be a fat single mom.

My kids have unusual names (well, the oldest one's is more unusual; the youngest isn't the only kid with that name around), but they are actual names, and the oldest's is common in Scandinavian countries. This, unfortunately, means that parents of little Draykin and Attakis think that I'm on their side, and are always eagerly sharing with me the hideous monikers with which they've saddled their defenseless children, thinking I'll love them. No, Daughter's School Counselor, I do not think your naming your children Silver Tungsten Jedediah and Brooklyn Sable Calliper is an awesome thing to do. What I do think is that, having done that to your own children, I do not trust your judgment regarding anything you might suggest for my child, who has a perfectly normal name that might be less common than Jessica or Amy but is still an actual name that people have been giving their children for hundreds of years.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] DorothyMantooth 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Oh, dear. Copious?

I actually think some of those "virtue" names can be rather sweet and old-fashioned in a nice way, and like some of them, but "Copious?" "Clarity?" Those sound like ads, or brand names (or cars; remember the Plymouth Reliant?). Virtue names are supposed to be things like Constance or Patience or Prudence, or if you want to get really old-school with it, Temperance or Merritt.

"Copious" just makes it sound like they want a fat child.

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[–] Lurkerontheroof [S] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

When they told me her name it took all the effort I could give to smile and say, "Oh, that's pretty," instead of making gagging noises and asking if they wanted her to grow up to be a fat single mom.

LMAO -- yeah, this was me as a teacher reacting to the latest Dezztynee, Bryteny, Harmone, Jayton, and oh yes, Lovelyn.

Edit: "Attakis" GAAAAH that's what I'm talking about! Did it frigging hurt these idiots to not go the extra inch and name him Atticus, a solid real name for fucks sake? face-palm

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[–] Sarcastatron_9000 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

All of those spellings make it seem like the parents are illiterate and possibly have sub-normal IQs.

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[–] Lurkerontheroof [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Oh man that sounds like my kind of site -- thanks, will check out ASAP!

Edit: "Neveah" oh lordy lord -- makes me think of Nivea creme gaaaah!

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[–] Cerryo 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

It makes me think of "heaven" backward - which is to say, the opposite of Heaven - which is to say, Hell.

If you wanted your child to be reminiscent of paradise then you should probably just name her Heaven and be done with it. Or else just go all out with the opposite meaning and call her Satana or Lilith or something.

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[–] Sarcastatron_9000 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Hahaha wow, well said! I think a lot of these "creeyative" spellings are just an exercise in narcissism on the part of the parents, wanting their kids to have unique names that stand out. It's silly. Just name your kid something normal ffs. And naming them things that aren't even a name - why in the name of all that's holy would anyone think that's okay to do to a child? Why the fuck would you name your kid Apple, or Blue, or Poet, or some other stupid non-name? It's perfectly okay to name your kid Sarah or Jonathan or Andrew or Jessica.

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[–] DorothyMantooth 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Agreed. You want to call your kid Blue? Fine. Name it Ann and call it "Blue" as a nickname; give her a fucking "out" for when she gets older. Our older daughter's name is unusual (but again, still a real name, a common one in Scandinavian countries which you do occasionally hear in the US as well), but we gave her a "normal" middle name so if she wanted to use it when she got older, she can. Luckily she loves her name, but she still always has the option to be Normal Name if she wants. Our younger daughter has a much more common first name but an unusual middle name (still, still a real name). Giving your kid a weirdo name doesn't make them "stand out," it just makes them seem like a kid with pretentious parents.