Pretty much as it says on the tin, really, but this is an odd one.
I met my ex partner nearly three years back. At the time, he was of a similar mind to me on food, exercise, etc. I was a fat kid and hit my late teens and did something about that. It involved a massive amount of rethinking what I thought I knew and questioning my relationships with my family on my part and it was tough, but I did it.
When we met he was a healthy weight. Partly because he was a student and living on a very small amount of money, but he also ate well for the little he spent.
Fast forward to a year back, April 2017 and he starts to slack off. His eating habits changes, he uses take out as a treat for a bad day. And we all do that to a greater or lesser extent, but it was often. He started to thicken about the middle, although he was underweight when we met.
It carried on, he started to be friends with a group of right on SJW, danger hair HAEs fucktards, and it spiralled from there.
I ended it yesterday - it got really bad in the last two months or so, but I've been ill and hadn't been able to go and see him and have that conversation in person. And I know he's gone full blown hambeast mentality, but I felt like I wanted that talk in person and to make sure he understood how serious I was. He's not even really fat. He's chubby, but he doesn't see it as an issue and is happy rolling along in his groove being chubby and miserable and having an unhealthy relationship with food, and that's the kicker. If he were chubby and working on it, then fine, I guess, although I probably wouldn't have got involved with him. But he doesn't see it as an issue and his friends - one of whom has already made a move on him - is a massive fattie. You know the type, thinks soap and razors are a tool of the patriarchy, undercut, shitty hair dye, too mentally ill to work, all that jazz - totally reinforce it.
I guess the reason I'm posting is to ask you guys and ladies to share with me your similar tales of woe on relationships which started fine and ended when the other person became a hammie. Or to just remind me that I did the right thing. Apologies if this isn't the right place to do this.
EDIT TO SAY: Thank you so very much for the really lovely, heart-warming responses. I appreciate you all for taking the time to do so.
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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago
Fat people like to say that us thinnies have no idea what it's like to lose a lot of weight. They are wrong, however. By dropping this friend, you lost a couple of hundred pounds, and not only that, but every pound he gains from now is a pound you lost. Then consider that every hamplanet friend he gains in his new lifestyle represents yet more hundreds of pounds you successfully avoided. Over a lifetime, we must lose thousands of pounds.
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
You're right. Thank you for that, I really appreciate the sentiment.
I think it hurts because we were together a long whiles - nearly three years -and we loved one another deeply. But it turned into something unhealthy. And instead of him being willing or able to work on that, he settled for a shitty unhealthy life.
I guess my perspective on it as a former fat kid is pretty interesting. I can understand what it's like to grow up with shitty habits and how profoundly hard it is to change one's thinking too. It is really difficult and I have a tremendous amount of empathy for anyone who goes through a change like that because it is hard.
But it's possible too. So for me, it was doubly frustrating because he was healthy, developed shitty habits and then, decided he couldn't be arsed to deal with it.
I'm gonna train for that half marathon I want to run. I'm cool with 10ks, and because of the health issues I have (I have a brain tumour) I know I'll need to take it steady and careful on working towards a half marathon. So I'm gonna work on that.
The really pathetic thing is, we live in separate cities and I've been busy with work and Uni, so I really didn't build much of a social life where I live when I moved here last year. But I have a chance to do that now and it'll be easier now I no longer have to worry about going to see him.
Sorry for the rambly shit post, but thank you for the reply.
[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
I can see you need to talk :)
This is the harsh reality of standing by your beliefs, unfortunately. You are going to lose some friends and make some enemies along the way. Not every relationship you have is going to be around forever and this is the case regardless of anything. However, when it comes to fat hate considering the scale of the obesity epidemic, we are in a very special situation where it is extremely common to lose friends and extremely hard to find them, especially ones that stick. I think the main perspective to take is that you cannot control the actions of others, and if they are going to let themselves slide into a miserable, fat existence, then that is their choice and there is nothing you can do about it. To keep these people around only serves to keep around someone who is the opposition of everything you want in your life and that is unhelpful at best and actively detrimental at worst. I hate the term for the SJW associations, but fat people are "toxic" people and will drag you down, or will at least try to. You can only focus on making new friends and hope that they fill the gap you need in a permanent way.