Pretty much as it says on the tin, really, but this is an odd one.
I met my ex partner nearly three years back. At the time, he was of a similar mind to me on food, exercise, etc. I was a fat kid and hit my late teens and did something about that. It involved a massive amount of rethinking what I thought I knew and questioning my relationships with my family on my part and it was tough, but I did it.
When we met he was a healthy weight. Partly because he was a student and living on a very small amount of money, but he also ate well for the little he spent.
Fast forward to a year back, April 2017 and he starts to slack off. His eating habits changes, he uses take out as a treat for a bad day. And we all do that to a greater or lesser extent, but it was often. He started to thicken about the middle, although he was underweight when we met.
It carried on, he started to be friends with a group of right on SJW, danger hair HAEs fucktards, and it spiralled from there.
I ended it yesterday - it got really bad in the last two months or so, but I've been ill and hadn't been able to go and see him and have that conversation in person. And I know he's gone full blown hambeast mentality, but I felt like I wanted that talk in person and to make sure he understood how serious I was. He's not even really fat. He's chubby, but he doesn't see it as an issue and is happy rolling along in his groove being chubby and miserable and having an unhealthy relationship with food, and that's the kicker. If he were chubby and working on it, then fine, I guess, although I probably wouldn't have got involved with him. But he doesn't see it as an issue and his friends - one of whom has already made a move on him - is a massive fattie. You know the type, thinks soap and razors are a tool of the patriarchy, undercut, shitty hair dye, too mentally ill to work, all that jazz - totally reinforce it.
I guess the reason I'm posting is to ask you guys and ladies to share with me your similar tales of woe on relationships which started fine and ended when the other person became a hammie. Or to just remind me that I did the right thing. Apologies if this isn't the right place to do this.
EDIT TO SAY: Thank you so very much for the really lovely, heart-warming responses. I appreciate you all for taking the time to do so.
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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago
Fat people like to say that us thinnies have no idea what it's like to lose a lot of weight. They are wrong, however. By dropping this friend, you lost a couple of hundred pounds, and not only that, but every pound he gains from now is a pound you lost. Then consider that every hamplanet friend he gains in his new lifestyle represents yet more hundreds of pounds you successfully avoided. Over a lifetime, we must lose thousands of pounds.
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
You're right. Thank you for that, I really appreciate the sentiment.
I think it hurts because we were together a long whiles - nearly three years -and we loved one another deeply. But it turned into something unhealthy. And instead of him being willing or able to work on that, he settled for a shitty unhealthy life.
I guess my perspective on it as a former fat kid is pretty interesting. I can understand what it's like to grow up with shitty habits and how profoundly hard it is to change one's thinking too. It is really difficult and I have a tremendous amount of empathy for anyone who goes through a change like that because it is hard.
But it's possible too. So for me, it was doubly frustrating because he was healthy, developed shitty habits and then, decided he couldn't be arsed to deal with it.
I'm gonna train for that half marathon I want to run. I'm cool with 10ks, and because of the health issues I have (I have a brain tumour) I know I'll need to take it steady and careful on working towards a half marathon. So I'm gonna work on that.
The really pathetic thing is, we live in separate cities and I've been busy with work and Uni, so I really didn't build much of a social life where I live when I moved here last year. But I have a chance to do that now and it'll be easier now I no longer have to worry about going to see him.
Sorry for the rambly shit post, but thank you for the reply.
[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
I can see you need to talk :)
This is the harsh reality of standing by your beliefs, unfortunately. You are going to lose some friends and make some enemies along the way. Not every relationship you have is going to be around forever and this is the case regardless of anything. However, when it comes to fat hate considering the scale of the obesity epidemic, we are in a very special situation where it is extremely common to lose friends and extremely hard to find them, especially ones that stick. I think the main perspective to take is that you cannot control the actions of others, and if they are going to let themselves slide into a miserable, fat existence, then that is their choice and there is nothing you can do about it. To keep these people around only serves to keep around someone who is the opposition of everything you want in your life and that is unhelpful at best and actively detrimental at worst. I hate the term for the SJW associations, but fat people are "toxic" people and will drag you down, or will at least try to. You can only focus on making new friends and hope that they fill the gap you need in a permanent way.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
You're so right. I feel like I've found my line in the sand on this issue.
Thank you so much
[–] SluttyBrownie 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Not a relationship but I haven’t seen one of my good friends/massive crush of like 2 years(he started dating a pig meanwhile and I’m no home(barn?)wrecker) in about 6 months.
I saw him last week and he’s on his way to porkville ever since they moved in together like he has gained 20 lbs and got engaged to the beast.
And this is how the one that got away became a dogded bullet
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
This pork lord he's fallen for, I saw her in the flesh. She's gross. Made me feel way better
[–] SluttyBrownie 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Remember it’s his loss not yours
If he thinks any real woman (not porker) will touch him with a 10 foot pole after this, he needs a reality check
[–] REEEperMan 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Ugh. Well, there was this guy, we weren't exactly in a relationship, but we were close. He started off fine, he was a bit socially awkward and not athletic, but he wasn't overweight.
Then at some point he started slacking off and not doing coursework, gaining weight, staying up at night to play computer games and not even showing up for class. We had a group project at the end of the year, he didn't do any of the work he was supposed to do and didn't show up for our presentation (didn't even bother to let us now he wasn't coming). We had a fight over text messages and that was that. Didn't see him over the summer, and next year he had to retake all the classes he'd failed so our schedules didn't cross.
I spotted him about a year later waddling home, a full-blown planet. Not exactly Boogie size, but that's the direction he was headed in. I haven't seen or heard from him in 3-4 years now, but I can't imagine he's actually gotten in better shape...
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
That;s sad but you lucked out in letting him go from your life
[–] PenguinOrgy 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
You abandoned a sinking ship. You did the right thing.
[–] Damond 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Girl, you don’t need fat insecure men, you made a smart choice. Take care of yourself, have fun, live your life in the way you’d want it. Hugs from me.
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Thank you for that :) You're lovely and I really appreciate that.
[–] 12809577? 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Not to give medical advice...but I’m going to tell you a fact about tumors you may already know.
They prefer sugar/carbs for their food. Eat fats (not vegetable oils) instead.
I wish you a swift and complete recovery.
[–] intermittentfeasting 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I'm sorry you're going through these things. You've made the right decision for yourself. I also know that it's hard, even when you know it's for the best, to adjust to loss or change. For whatever it's worth, from one anonymous internet shitlady to another, I'm proud of you for doing what's best for you.
I've not lost any romantic relationships to fattening, but I have lost friends to the sjw mindset and had to cut them out when they were no longer willing to have healthy, intelligent disagreements about social issues. I lost my best friends to HAES, which hurt because I am introverted and don't make friends quick or easy. But she became such a negative, unhealthy force in my life that I had to do it.
[–] callthehambulance [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Thank you so much, that really means a great deal to me. Thank you so very much