Recently, my mom took a trip to see my siblings who live in another city from ours. My dad had to work, so she went by herself.
Now my mother is the woman whose guiding philosophy on marriage is “don’t gain weight on your man.” She was into health food before that was a thing, she all but banned sugar from the house when we were growing up, and always made sure we had plenty of exercise. She’s very sweet and cares deeply about people, but she’s also not afraid to be honest, no matter how rude honesty might be.
Cut back to her trip. She has a great weekend chasing the grandkids around, and gets a late flight home. While going through security, she sees a death fat in te line, struggling to remove his shoes. Apparently the guy was creating a bit of a scene, because he literally could not bend over to get those shoes off. The fat has brought the line to a standstill, but is displaying no awareness of this fact. Mom hopes that she is not on the same flight as him - it’s a small airport and it’s late, so there’s a good chance this will happen.
After she gets on the plane, who sits down next to her but the deathfat, reeking of whatever gigantic barbeque sandwich he’d undoubtedly been eating. My mom said the smell was pretty specific. In her words, he poured himself into his seat and overflowed into hers. The armrest didn’t stop it; fat was bulging out above and below the armrest. My mother looked at him for a moment, wondering if he would do anything about this gross situation, and then wedged her hardcover novel between the two seats.
At this point, the guy apologized, mumbling something about “I’m just a big guy, it’s not my fault.”
My mom says nothing, but tells me later that of course it’s his fault.
About twenty minutes into the flight, he falls asleep. At this dude’s size, how this was safe without a CPAP machine, I’m not sure. And my mom said she would have been fine with that, since it meant he wasn’t going to try to talk to her, but he started snoring. That fat snore, too, that deeply, meaty, wet snore. It was unbearably loud, cutting through her headphones and drawing the attention of everybody in the adjacent seats.
Because my mom is a classy lady, she endured this for a few minutes before determining that it was just not going to work for a two hour flight. So she got the inflight magazine from her seat back pocket (“there was no way I was touching him”) and prodded the guy until he woke up.
“Excuse me, you’re snoring,” she told him. It got her another mumbled excuse, but she kept him awake for the rest of the flight in much the same manner.
She told me the story because a) it irritated her, and b) to let me know that fat people have no consideration for others. Even my in thirties, she wants to make sure she passes along these important little life lessons.
I love my mom.