[–] 1776_Loyalist 1 points 19 points (+20|-1) ago 

I remember I was at a play once, and this fat bitch behind me was eating lays chips chewing with her void open. During the intermission I got a bag of chewy candy and came back to the play, offered it to the fatty. She gladly accepted and I said "good, now maybe I can enjoy the play without your loud chewing" and she started crying and left. Rest of the play was quite enjoyable.

[–] Mass_Eject 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

"Chewing with her void open.."


[–] fabulousalpaca 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 


[–] FattiesWillDie 0 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago 

Yeah, fats RUINED that movie going experience for me! They would NOT STOP INHALING POPCORN during the most intense and thrilling scenes!!

There was one fat sow that kept using its inhaler in between wheezing popcorn breaths. It'd suck on its inhaler, breathe, then eat more popcorn, repeat. What. The. FUCK.

THEN this fat fucking 'father' and its solar system couldnt get seats all together, cause fats are always late. So the fatass stood up during the movie and directed its moons to their seats, like herding cattle.

Another fatass started snoring loudly during the movie too!

Fats fucking ruin everything.

Also, this other femayo wore a body con dress, (which shows off its rolls real bad) slathered on makeup, curls, and thought it was hot. Buuut, it wore flip flops. Who the fuck gets all dressed up only to wear flip flops?? Haha


[–] jeffjeff 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

all dressed up only to wear flip flops

It's a case of necessity. They're just verging on complete immobility/inability to dress themselves but until they reach that stage are probably too embarrassed to admit they need someone else to put proper shoes on their hooves. Either that or beetus related foot rot prevents more suitable footwear.

[–] Daucus7 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Who the fuck gets all dressed up only to wear flip flops??

Because those are the only footwear it can put on. It can't bend its waist or knees anymore in order to put on actual shoes like a human being.

[–] heyfattybomsticks 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I saw this movie recently too, though happily without movie grazers nearby. It did strike me though how awful it would be in all those quiet scenes to be near an eater. After the movie we wondered whether the idea of noise getting you killed might work to keep wrapper-rustles quiet.

[–] csicskageci 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I don't like the whole popcorn thing. It started during the Great Depression simply because both movies and popcorn were very cheap, a $10 sack of corn could serve many, many portions, so it was some affordable luxury for cash-strapped people. Fast forward to today, every movie selling huge buckets of popcorn, not cheap anymore despite the production costs are still very low, and thus attracting the kind of clientele (fats) who think it is entirely normal to chew 2+ hours.

[–] hellno 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

I bet they smelled bad.

[–] FickleFlame107 [S] 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

You know it. Fats don't hygiene.

[–] Tax_Blobs 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Well done soldier. Reminds me of Stalin's Order 227 'Not one Step Backwards !!'. Fight for every inch of land !!!

[–] ilikefish 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Entertaining story, thank you.

[–] ETres 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Awesome, OP! We saw A Quiet Place last weekend as well. I was seated next to a fat chick who ate a tub of popcorn and a large Slurpee, then breathed loudly through it's mouth the entire movie. Even my shitwife one seat over could hear it. Very annoying!

[–] heyfattybomsticks 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Great work! Takes strength and determination to keep the livestock penned.

[–] Lurkerontheroof 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Damn it feels good to be a shitlord.

Fuck YEAH, and thanks for the laughs!

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