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[–] cyclops1771 0 points 191 points (+191|-0) ago 

Outside working all day. Porkbarrel wife comes out a few times, telling me I'm doing it wrong or adding to my list

Goes back inside without helping, thinking she helped by pointing out all the other things for me to do.

Fuck it, getting a beer. And another.

Yard looks fucking awesome. Beer tasted fucking good.

Enjoying my hard work and how kick ass my demesnes looks.

Time to get some chow. I'm sure the piggie cooked up a nice meal for me, since it stayed inside all day.

Where's dinner?

We're going out to sports bar place with my piggie friends! Bring your credit card, you're buying! TeeHee!

WTF did it do all day? Netflix binging on some teen love show or vampires or some shit.

Fuck this. "Not going. I'm tired. I'll just amke something here, but you go have fun." So pissed, can't stand the sight of it anymore.

"Blubberblubberblubber" Fuckit, it won't shut up, "Ok, I'm going." Pissed even more.

Piggie and friends babbling. Try to ignore them, watch the MMA on TV.

Piggie won't leave me alone. Orders 2 sets of apps (for the table, yeah right) All deep fried. Burger, more fries. Double the cheese! Can I get 2 sides of ranch. I LOVE Ranch on my fries. Teehee! I'll just have another beer. So tired of this life. What did I get myslef into?

Piggie STILL won't leave me alone. Look, Tits Udders Magee, I came out. I'm here, can I just sit here in silence while you talk for 1 fucking minute? blubberblubberblubber continues. Pay attention to ME! REEE!

"Penny for your thoughts!"

Fuck it. Tired, drunk, and sick of this shit. Tried to be nice by ignoring it. You want my opinion? Fine.

See that girl up there? She works on her body. She doesn't just whine about shit, she goes out and does shit. She doesn't bitch at others for working while she binges on Netflix, she goes out and does stuff. Maybe if you had HELPED in the yard today, I wouldn't be so tired, you'd get some well needed exercise, and you wouldn't look like a goddamned refrigerator on its side.

REEEEEE!

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[–] hammorous2 0 points 32 points (+32|-0) ago 

Made an account just to upvote this.

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[–] jeffjeff 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

It's so accurate I expect cyclops actually witnessed it. The husband clearly needs a divorce. If I had the choice I would rather spend the rest of my life loving my right hand rather than spend a minute with a planet like this.

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[–] DorothyMantooth 0 points 27 points (+27|-0) ago 

This is basically what I thought, too. Excellently done!

(Well, I also thought, "If OP was a woman saying she'd been working in the yard all day and then her husband forced her to go out with his friends, and she was tired and drunk so made a comment about his lack of work ethic and growing gut, the comments would be all, "You go, gurl! Tell that lazy jerk what you deserve!" :gag)

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[–] c-fox 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

This is better than Shakespeare. Someone PLEASE copypasta this to the original post.

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[–] EarthquakesAreScary 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

I had to check to see if the thread was locked after reading this. Because if it wasn't, I would have loved to see this posted there. And the reee'ing that'd ensue. Though sadly, being reddit of course they locked the thread.