I'm sure some of you are not looking forward to this Thanksgiving because there's always going to be a fat involved. I have two awesome cousins but I just don't feel like I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. One of my aunts is a ham and thinks she cooks good and expects others to gobble up her food like pigs. When she makes American food, she goes all out with the butter, cheese, and sour cream at least ala Simply Sara style "food". I cook better than this beast and I can taste when there's too much butter in something. She also speaks to my mom in a way that made both of us question her because she thinks I'm not healthy because "I don't eat enough." and that she saw some of my pics on Facebook and says that I'm more into "weird girly things" than "manly things". I prefer to spend more money on fashion and as for the "girly" things, she was referring to my ears and tails and anime wigs that I go out in to anime conventions. Sometimes my aunt tells my mom that I'm obsessed with K-pop culture (hey I like J-pop and C-pop culture too) and that I wasn't raised well enough to blend in with mainstream American society. My aunt even went on to say that "I don't eat like a real man".
My mom is on the brink of wanting to shitlord her at the Thanksgiving table and some other fat dude who is close friends to her. Look, I like food but I prefer mine to have quality over quantity and I'm not much into steak and mashed potatoes smothered in excess amounts of butter. I rather eat an elegant brunch over butter loaded American food.
As if this wasn't enough, my aunt talks about how good the food is in America than back in Vietnam and she couldn't get enough of it because everything in America tastes good to her. Sorry missy but I rather eat my fabulous smoked salmon eggs benedict topped with salmon roe instead of a bowl of meat and mash with liters of butter.
I'm a brunch boy and I like to live an elegant lifestyle with quality over quantity. Even my awesome cousins prefer the life of brunch than the life of lard because humans are more fun than fatties.
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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
They love to trot out the "real man/woman" thing, don't they? Everything is judgement-free and "I can do what I want with my life" until you don't fit their view and suddenly you aren't real, whatever that means. See it as a badge of honour. You are now imaginary with the rest of us.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
It's only a matter of time until my mom shitlords and when she does it, oh man she let's it all out.
[–] hypercat 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I like turkey sandwiches so we make a turkey even if it's just my mom and me. But I agree, Smoked salmon and roe sounds wayyyy better. I put greek yogurt in my mashed potatoes with a bit of milk to make them creamy, I don't really need butter or cheese with the tang of yogurt. And it's okay once a year. I do have a bit of a soft spot for stuffing. I do very simple: Sourdough bread, onions, celery, chicken stock, Parmesan at the end to make it a bit crispy. I was thinking of making in in a cupcake tray this year for mini self servings I can freeze for later.
[–] Runner4lyfe87 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I think last year, or the year before, on social media people were sharing pics of the scale before and after they deficate from thanksgiving dinner.
They were bragging about how big of a shit they took because of how much they gorged themselves with all the buttery slop. People are fucking disgusting.
[–] theepilepticferret 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
Fatso aunt: "You don't eat like a real man."
You: "Since you're doing such a good job of it for me, I figured I'd try being a little more sensible."
Fin
[–] Siacca 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Bring a lot of super healthy but really tasty dishes to Thanksgiving. When it comes time to load up your plate, deliberately skip the greasy mess that your aunt brings in. Mutter something about cholesterol and heart disease, then select something healthy. Spend the entire meal glancing at her plate full of crap like it's week-old roadkill.
As soon as she snaps and says something about not eating like a man, respond that it's called eating like a responsible adult. I'm certain that you're a healthy weight, so feel free to point that out to her. Then pull up a BMI calculator on your phone and figure out where she's at.
Tell your mom in advance you're expecting a fight is she starts crap with you again. It sounds like she's a shitlady so she should take your side. Family or not, you can't let fatties walk all over you.
[–] WD_Pelley 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
My father-in-law is a major fat and he already lost a lot of weight but is still fat. Anyway, at Thanksgiving one or two years ago I remember seeing him take a muffin - a small muffin - and then take a JFK half dollar size/inch thick scoop of butter and plop it on the muffin. The dude is fucking disgusting and, IIRC, he didn't even dress up: sweat shorts and a tee shirt.
[–] TantricPanniculus7 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Inch thick? D:
[–] WD_Pelley ago
I nearly lost my appetite when I saw him doing that. The only thing that made me keep eating was that I was really hungry and had no lunch that day.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] ago
Probably let's his gunt hang out under his shirt too. 🤢
[–] WD_Pelley 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
He does. He does have some leg problems and walks with a cane but that's due to the fact that he's FUCKING FAT. It's infuriating.
[–] rshackleford252525 ago
is simply sara beefneck or is she married to beefneck... can someone clarify this
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
She's married to a beefneck.