So, I've been stripping for about 3 years now, and lately I've noticed a disturbing pattern of landwhales infiltrating my club.
I'm 5'7, 110 lbs. I've always been able to go to the costume lady and pick out anything on her rack, and know it'll fit me.
This is no longer the case. I grabbed a cute little pink one piece labeled "small" and went to put it on.
It looked like a fucking tarp on me! I told the costume lady it'd been mislabeled and should be in the large section, and she said it wasn't a mistake.
She's had so many angry, drunk landehales masquerading as dancers complaining that nothing fits, that she upped all the sizes!
In addition to the butterbarges fucking up costumes for the rest of us humans, they're dragging down our clubs reputation!
These 200+ beasts are squeezing their pimply hides into g-strings and trying to climb up the pole.
Now, stripping isn't as difficult as people think. As long as you're human sized, move slow, and wear the right shoes, you'll be fine.
These butter golems are sliding their mushy mashed potato bodies all over the stage, attempting day one-easy poses and not being able to hold them because their folds get in the way. We had a bitch that was so big, she broke our spinning pole!
So now, I'm surrounded by a herd of hungry hungry hippos who are breaking and greasing up the stage, to the point where I refuse to go onstage after a jabba the ho gets off.