Archived Boogie lived. Lord Beetus has been thwarted. (web.archive.org)
submitted ago by runningnooblet
Posted by: runningnooblet
Posting time: 3.3 years ago on
Last edit time: never edited.
Archived on: 10/31/2017 10:00:00 AM
Views: 1802
SCP: 20
22 upvotes, 2 downvotes (92% upvoted it)
~31 user(s) here now
NSFW: No
Authorized: No
Anon: No
Private: No
Type: Default
Archived Boogie lived. Lord Beetus has been thwarted. (web.archive.org)
submitted ago by runningnooblet
Sort: Top
[–] rompele 0 points 25 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago
Not so fast my fellow shitlord. There are a multitude of complications he could face, thus returning him to his buttery maker, such as:
Do not lose hope!
[–] Plavonica 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
I'm placing my bet on #2!
[–] fatzero 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Ding Ding!! Lapband surgery requires them to sustain from food, if they can't do that all else will fail. He had a hard time even getting under 500 pounds. He could have lost that weight if he stopped drinking soda alone.
[–] MorbidObesityTracker ago
Yep...#2.
[–] theepilepticferret 0 points 17 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago
Lord Beetus might have been thwarted, but Lord Surgical Complications is waiting on standby.
[–] prairiegirl 0 points 15 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago
Not thwarted. Lord Beetus is playing the long game with this particularly odious specimen. A lingering and painful game.
[–] ScalarWhaler 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Lord Beetus relishes in the delirious surgeries and weight swings as people rack their bodies over the gut wrenching toils of dieting and the razor sharp knives wielded by money grubbing hyopcritic neo-shamans. Why wouldn't he let this one linger a bit longer with such entertainment value?
[–] mk46gunner 0 points 10 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago
...for now, fatty. Carpe the fucking diem, because it ain't gonna last.
[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Death during surgery was highly likely so naturally it was supported. However, the various ways he will fail now are much more entertaining. Dying on the table is only good for a chuckle. Watching as he comes to the slow realisation he can't eat his feelings anymore and begins to regret the surgery is hilarious. In the long term, watching as he loses down to 250-300lb or so and then plateaus and never becomes anything approaching thin is also good. I am also partial to losing barely any weight at all before beginning to gain again. That really would be funny. That would also be a good bet because so many of his calories come from beetus juice. Even if he loses all the weight (raucous laughter), he'll still be disgusting. There is no way we can lose.
[–] sidewaythighgap 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
You have too much faith in him. I doubt he will even reach 300. He will probably lose 50 lbs, then gradually stretch out his stomache. In less than 2 years he will be heavier than now. There won't be death, there will just be endless agony for him.
[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
You're such an optimist with this positive outlook.
[–] DuchessofShitbridge 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Oh man, watching him lose say 50lb and then ballooning up to 600 would be the funniest thing ever!
[–] Mongychops 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
I don't know, to maintain 500lb needs a lot of calories. He's far heavier than the average fat who gets the surgery, so he's going to lose some weight just because he used to eat like a two-legged dumpster, and that won't be possible for now.
He'll never leave death-fat levels, but this will be the most weight Boogie has ever lost (unless he dies from complications).
[–] nobslob 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
I wonder if he'll find a way to blame the doctors and surgery on his failures.
edit: I know it will happen, but I can't come up with a good sounding fatlogic excuse atm.
[–] nerfthis 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Lord Beetus has been thwarted by his nemesis Modern Medicine for far too long!
[–] LittleBittz 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
A lot of these patients still try to eat the same, stretch out their stomachs and eventually weigh even more than before. But I'm still hoping for severe complications. Fingers crossed.
[–] blue5car 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Lord Gastric Rupture tags in