So at the ripe hour of 4 am I request a lyft, I had to be at the airport within the hour for my 6am flight to New York and wasn't keen on paying for airport parking. A driver accepts my request, from the photo she looked like a redheaded average looking woman. What appeared outside my apartment was the (dyed) red haired beast that ate that woman or, as I assumed, photoshopped its picture for the profile. It didn't get out of the car to help me with my luggage, which is fine; I carried it down three flights of steps so what's a few more feet? But when I got in it asked "oh it's just you?" I replied, "Yep, just me."
"Oh I didn't know, I would have helped you with your bags" ( Yeah.. right) Looking at her eerily long fake nails, I highly doubt she was going to be lifting anything other than food.
So a few minutes into the ride, it turns to me and asks what perfume I'm wearing because it smells like something from "Bath and Body works". I reply, " It's Irish spring, soap". Complete silence.
She pipes up again, " You look so young to be traveling alone, are your parents meeting you at the airport?". I was curious so I ask, "How old do you think I am?"
Here was the scariest moment of the car ride, she stared at me for a few minutes while going 80mph on the highway while I'm trying to split my attention between the road and the neighboring cars since she wasn't.
"You look 18, maybe 19.", finally turning her attention back to the road. I laugh, "I'm 24".
Her response, "Oh my Gawd! How do you do it?!? You're not even wearing make up!"
"Well, I didn't think I needed it"
"Oh honey every woman needs makeup, it's what brings out our inner beauty. People tell me I look much better with it and there are so many palettes to play with, you would look great with some lipstick or blush"
"It's not my thing"
"Well it could help you look your age, maybe bring out some features"
"So you're telling me you're exactly the age you look?"
"Yeah! How old do I look?"
"45."
Her face fell, she muttered, "I'm 32" and the rest of the drive was wonderfully silent.
Sort: Top
[–] Not-a-goat 0 points 30 points 30 points (+30|-0) ago
You were lucky the car didn't explode in a huge grease fire after that burn.
[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 15 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago
Wear makeup and you, too, could look double your age like me! I also couldn't help but think those nail are long to be utensils. I can picture it using them to spear food 10 things at a time.
[–] RedStilettoes [S] 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
She probably has shit skin from a crap diet and needs to hide it, that's the only logical reason I can think of. However, the long nails weird me out, one day she'll stab her twat.
[–] hypercat 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
I have shit skin. Yay, genetics. And I still get carded at 36. I don't feel the need to wear makeup because it just makes my skin worse. And eye makeup gets smushy and is covered by my glasses. Cheers for looking young because you are not fat. It's pretty great.
[–] 7557438? 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I'm sure you are right about this.
[–] amnat 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Even with the extended length of the fake nails, it's probably beyond her reach.
[–] PCOSBelle 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Shit skin is also caused by the current-gen foundations/powders/primers, which are specifically designed to clog your pores to make skin look smoother.
[–] omar_coming_yo_ 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
upvote for this
[–] SeethingHatred 1 point 7 points 8 points (+8|-1) ago
You can put as much makeup on your revolting bloated face as you like, you're still going to look like a gross fat pig.
Thin privilege is looking fine without wearing so much makeup that it makes Ronald McDonald look like he's sporting the 'natural' look.
[–] RedStilettoes [S] 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
It was dimly lit and I could still see the bright purple lipstick she was wearing and heavy eye makeup. At 4 am, why the hell would you put that much on?
[–] SeethingHatred 1 point 7 points 8 points (+8|-1) ago
Sounds like she went full Tumblr... you never go full Tumblr.
[–] 7557445? 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Burn level: Thermonuclear
[–] DrFingers 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I use Irish Spring as well.
[–] upsidedownbackwards 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
I can't knock her for commenting on the Irish Spring. I've gotten way more compliments about Irish Spring smell than any cologne. I don't even bother anymore. Just a shower and everyone thinks I smell amazing!
[–] wtf_hell 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Honestly, thin people in general smell way better. Probably something to do with being able to shower better because we lack fupa folds, and that we don't have fried grease coming from our pores constantly.
[–] RedStilettoes [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
I just like that clean feeling after, dove was too oily to me and their ad campaign grossed me out.
[–] ilieksnow 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Rekt
[–] DE4THWI5H 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
She was fat so no doubt she probably looked older than she was, but I've seen exceptions. Real talk: Did she look 45 or were you fucking with her?
[–] RedStilettoes [S] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
she really looked 45
[–] wtf_hell 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Hope its GPS recalibrated itself to the nearest burn unit.