Got called to see an obese patient today with an extremely painful but not life-threatening condition in my field of expertise. Going to keep this vague because my subspecialty is very small. I walk up to said patient and start the encounter the way I always do: extending my hand and stating "Hi, I'm Dr. SurgicalShitlord, I was asked to come see you about . . ."
Eatbeast stares at me as if I was a panhandler asking for change.
"I don't shake hands."
Beat. "I'm sorry, do you have a religious reason for this?"
"No, I just don't feel like it."
I stare at her for an uncomfortable (for her) period of time as my hand resumes its position at my side. Finally: "You know, I was asked by Dr. ReferringPhysician to handle your case because of your [insert painful problem which I can easily address via an elective surgery] . . . but I'm afraid that we won't be able to do so because of your weight".
Lights click on in this buttergolem's dull eyes. She realizes, far too late, that I'm not a resident. "But it hurts all the time . . . it's making me depressed . . ."
"Mmm hmmm. That's due to your obesity. We can revisit this issue once you've reached a normal BMI. Have a nice evening."
Turn around, walk out. Unintelligible reeeeeeeeeeeing commences behind me and fades as I walk down the hallway. I take the stairs down and head over to my office. Type a quick consultation note and print it out, circle the pork orc's name and medical record number. Walk over to to my chief administrative assistant and hand it over.
"This patient is not to be given a followup appointment with me until they reach a BMI of less than 25."
She smiles quietly and files it in the folder I've created for just such an occasion.
I anticipate seeing Elvis walk into my office before I see this particular mayochugger again.
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[–] shitlord4life 0 points 63 points 63 points (+63|-0) ago
Hey doc, what do I do with this shitlord story boner lasting more than 3 hours?
[–] SurgicalShitlord [S] 0 points 85 points 85 points (+85|-0) ago
Go on Tumblr and look for photos tagged #curvy. Problem will be fixed in less than 30 seconds.
[–] ScreaminMime 0 points 37 points 37 points (+37|-0) ago
Daaaaaaamn, that's some dry medication right there! I got soft just reading the prescription!
[–] shitlord4life 0 points 15 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago
I dont want to die though
[–] lifting_cat 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
LOLz.... all the fucking lolz.
[–] AxonCaradoc 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I need to contactyour supervisory body for this off-prescription issuing of medicinal laughter.
[–] SugarPie 0 points 31 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago
You are basically my hero right now. Am engaged but I'm sure my ShitFiance would make an exception for this.
[–] weaponsgradeautism 0 points 25 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago
Shit, I don't blame you at all. We work in the same field, although I'm an EMT-IV for my state. Which we're looking at adding new titles, where I will end up moved to Critical Care Paramedic (due to my 6 years as a 68W in the Army, logged in time.)
Fats are a fucking liability. Lifting them is a risk. Medication is a risk. Even setting a bone on them is a risk. Elective surgery means, you don't HAVE to do it. Fatty should either lose the ham, or accept pain until it falls over.
[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 20 points 20 points (+20|-0) ago
That is awesome! Courtesy doesnt kill anyone, I applaud your quick and timely diagnosis 😂
[–] TwoTonTessie 0 points 17 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago
We should have a chime-in for shitlord MDs (even if you don't post about patients) so the fats reading this sub can see how doctors can (and will) troll the fuck out of you.
[–] Not-a-goat 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
I don't think that's trolling. As /u/weaponsgradeautism said, they're an added liability you don't need for an elective surgery, and most likely the ham's problems will get better/disappear without surgery if it ever loses the weight. OP did the right thing.
[–] Trajans 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago
There is a reason why I'm always extremely courteous and polite to my doctors/surgeons/physical therapists - I want to have my body fixed. Especially now that my issues have been going on for almost 2 years now, I don't want to become an annoyance to the people helping me.
[–] DevilsMonkey 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
It's a good rule of thumb to be polite, but especially to people you need something from.
[–] WileyECryote 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago
Doing the shitlord's work.
Seriously, Thank you.
[–] LifeKillsRed88 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago
Reading this made my day..thank you. We desperately need more doctors such as yourself..