Oh boy! It was an interesting day! And I was not expecting any of this at all! So lets just today, things got really weird at work.
At my workplace, people are allowed to dye their hair or even wear wigs. There is a supervisor who wears a wig on business casual days so she can look more professional. There are some people who dye their hair in crazy colors though unfortunately, most of them are Tubblrinas. So I thought "Screw this! Its straight-up casual day so lets take it up a notch!" and believe it or not, I did wear an anime style wig with white hair complete with furry ears and tail and visual kei style clothing. Yeah, I went over-the-top and needless to say, I got interesting looks. But that's not what this story is about though my fashion is part of this.
So I went to work and a human coworker, who claims to be neutral on everything, pointed out a cup of plastic utensils on a fatty's desk and I look at it so our conversation went like this.
Neutral Coworker: Hey Supa! Look at this.
SUPA FUPA: A cup of plastic utensils? Wow! I could borrow a spoon for my yogurt if I forgot my spoon or something. But why so many utensils in a cup on its desk?
Neutral Coworker: Well, from what I have observed, it makes food at home and brings it to work and if it forgets to bring its utensils, it knows its right here in front of it. Talk about efficiency.
SUPA FUPA: Laziness since people still have to remember certain things.
Neutral Coworker: By the way, sweet getup. Never seen anything like that before. You look like a teenager.
SUPA FUPA: Thanks!
So then we went back to work as usual and the fatty coworker takes her seat and this is the same fatty that I made it shit itself before by complete accident by popping my bag open.
Reference to that gross incident here and its kinda NSFL when an obeast shitting on a chair at work is involved: https://voat.co/v/fatpeoplehate/comments/1185419
So while I was doing my work, I had to burp quietly. Maybe its that Yakult probiotic drink but I don't know. Or maybe I was drinking my coconut water too fast since drinking too fast can cause burping last time I checked and I should drink slower not fast. Yet, the obeast was the first one to hear my burp despite having its headset on talking to customers while literally everybody else around me is minding their own business. So after we finished our calls, that's when the REEEEEEEEEEEEEE begins.
Obeast: Say "excuse me" SUPA FUPA!
SUPA FUPA: I did say "excuse me" did you not hear that?!
Obeast: Motherfucker you fucking burp and fart all the time!
SUPA FUPA: No I don't! I release them as quietly as possible! If I hold them in, I'll hurt my stomach and make myself sick at work!
I was keeping my voice down but the obeast keeps raising its voice and this is the fun part.
Obeast: MOTHERFUCK! YOU BURPIN AND FARTIN UP THE PLACE! YOU NEED TO STOP BURPING YOU NASTY FUCK!
Human Coworker 1: You calling my friend nasty when you're the one who shit itself during work?
Obeast: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Human Coworker 2: Oh shit! I'm whippin' out my phone and recording this!
Neutral Coworker: Everybody calm down. Obeast, go on break and come with me.
Obeast: HE'S FUCKING NASTY AND GROSS BURPING AND FARTING UP THE PLACE!
Human Coworker 3: Oh but shitting and pissing at work isn't?
Obeast: FUCK YOU DICK!
That's when the entire workplace blew up in laughter and of course, a supervisor got involved to console the obeast and it REEEEEEED at the supervisor! I was thinking "Oh shit! This got out of control!"
Supervisor: What seems to be the problem today?
Obeast: SUPA KEEPS FARTING AND BURPING EVERYWHERE ALL THE DAMN TIME!
Supervisor: Okay just go on break and relax a bit.
Obeast: I ain't gonna work with that skinny white-haired teenager looking freak! He even acts like a punkass teenager too!
The obeast then left as everybody calmed down and returned to work as the supervisor then approached me and I explained to her my side of the story as politely as possible.
SUPA FUPA: I've been trying to burp quietly but if I keep holding that in, I'll get sick! I have to let them out!
Supervisor: Okay I understand. Accidents happen and if you need to go outside to take care of your bodily functions, just go on break. That's all you have to do. Your supervisor will understand anyways.
SUPA FUPA: Thanks! I'm not in trouble am I?
Supervisor: No you're not in trouble. Just go if you need to do that and you'll be safe. We all know that stuff happens.
So I went on break and in the hallway, I was hearing REEE REEEE REEEEEEEEEEEE nonstop as the obeast was literally crying over me burping quietly as the neutral human tried to calm it down before she spoke to me and this is how it went.
Neutral Coworker: SUPA FUPA, I got a son and he holds in his burp. If you hold in your gas, they'll disappear.
SUPA FUPA: Tried doing that and I got sick. I have to let them out.
Neutral Coworker: You're 25! Go on break if you need to!
SUPA FUPA: I will and I don't want to look or even act 25!
Neutral Coworker: You don't have a choice because you are 25.
SUPA FUPA: Fine fine but tell Obeast to calm down and mind its own business.
Neutral Coworker: I'll talk to her and you take care of yourself.
And so I did my business and relaxed and sought relief. By the time I got back to work, the obeast skipped work and took off early over me again and our final conversation was like this.
Neutral Coworker: I can't believe you scared her out of work today like that.
SUPA FUPA: It could've move to another seat. I could do that too you know but I don't owe an apology to someone who whines about work and sleeps during the job. And I was not expecting it to shit itself after I popped my bag either.
Neutral Coworker: You're immature.
SUPA FUPA: I rather be immature and have fun than to pretend to be mature and boring. Plus, I'm in grad school for healthcare administration and I think college is a great time to have a lot of fun but that's just me. I don't know about Obeast's life because we have no relations and we don't talk at all.
Neutral Coworker: Just do your work and grow up. Lets not speak of this anymore.
So there you have it. I burped quietly and that set the obeast off like no tomorrow that it was yelling loudly at the workplace that everybody could hear it and the humans were wanting to record the obeast for kicks. So apparently, a minor burp is more gross than an obeast gorging on food and downing on beetus at its desk along with shitting and pissing itself from being startled by me popping a chip bag open. That night at work, some of the humans and I spoke and told me that the Obeast has been blaming me for making it shit and piss itself and I told them that I was not expecting that. They told me that's fine because they never liked the Obeast in the first place anyways and that all of us should just ignore it as much as possible and move on.
TL;DR: Accidentally burped at work quietly and obeast coworker shouts at me during work inviting human coworkers to shitlord her until a supervisor had to intervene. Obeast then leaves work early over me because I burped quietly.
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[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Yeah. Luckily, another workplace got an interview scheduled with me and from what I've seen, it seems human dominated and the people are much nicer too! Hopefully I can get out of my lard infested workplace and go to a more human one and still be able to go to school.