The next time when you hear "My body doesn't affect others!" and "My existence does not harm other people!" along with other variants of them, then you can prove them wrong with one of the many stories here on FPH.
Today, an obeast knocked me out with its udder. How? So whilst I was doing my job, I decided to be all chill and recline back on my chair and just ignore my surroundings. So when a supervisor shouted "Who wants cake, cookies, and soda?" this obeast, literally two chairs away from me, got up and waddled quickly and all of a sudden, this wrecking ball like thing, which turned out to be its udder, whacked me right in the face when I made the mistake of turning my head slightly towards the obeast because I was stretching out. The obeast didn't bother me before but after it kept going, I spun in my chair and fell off on the ground with a nosebleed. The only people that stopped for my aid were a few supervisors and a few human coworkers and of course the obeast itself. When the humans saw me holding my nose, they rushed to get me a napkin but the obeast decided to keep going for its beetus as I held my nose with a napkin to control my nosebleed. It wasn't that bad but it was significant enough that I have to leave work early and see a doctor afterwards and yes, I had to explain about how I got boob-smashed in the face by an obeast. My doc is nice and decided that I should have a few days off to relax and focus on recollecting myself so that means more time for my college homework and gym.
TL;DR: Obeast coworker injures me on accident with its udder on my face just to get cake, cookies, and soda.
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[–] sonic_sabbath 0 points 17 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago
Next time you go to work you should tell HR you feel unsafe or have trauma about working near the obeast and demand it be either fired or moved somewhere very very far away.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Too bad my workplace has assigned seating and there are more obeast workers than there are humans. So my biggest worry is that I may be accused of "fat shaming" and I'll lose my job. Maybe I can pretend to be hot so I can change seating and get away with it that way.
[–] LetsBeNakedOutside 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Nah just keep using the words 'unsafe' and bring up the work comp dr appointment you already did and they had to pay for.
If they can't move you, they can at least switch to healthy food it won't get so excited.
[–] theJshow ago
hahaha yes this. Tell HR the fat monster exploited you and created an unsafe working environment and you feel sexually abused.
[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
I have to apologize. I laughed at your plight when i read it. Was thinking shitlady wearing cat ears and tail and being smacked across the face by a cow's udders.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
LOL
I'm actually a skinny guy who likes wearing fox ears and tail but either way, that would've been hilarious and gross.
[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Please dont take this the wrong way.... but that got even funnier.
[–] Superior_Guhnetiks 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
How fat and gross do you have to be to knock someone off their chair with your disgusting cow tits and not let it slow your quest for beetus? I've met drug addicts with more dignity.
[–] TunaAndCucumbers 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Could you have it charged with assault? I feel like you could have it charged with assault.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
That would've been awesome but two things could happen sadly; my case would be marked as a frivolous lawsuit even though I never charged or sued anyone before or the judge would laugh themselves into oblivion which would lead things to nowhere.
[–] burntfishnchips 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
What the FUCK. I'm glad you're okay but wow, I would have shamed her to high noon. Try it after you recover and get back. Fats are literally children. Normal adults wouldn't go stampeding down the work aisle for cookies and cake.
[–] sh1tl0rd_of_ac1d 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I would also sue it for sexual assault.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] ago
Fats are mayogendered so can it really be considered sexual assault?
[–] sh1tl0rd_of_ac1d 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Good point, but erring on the side of caution just to make its life miserable :)
[–] ridsloth 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I've been following your saga of Texas office hams for a while now, loving your disgusted perspective, and this is the sickest thing you've shared yet. Stay strong out there shitlord. Remember we can outrun them. Hope your face feels better soon.
From the way you've described your workplace, if I recall correctly, there's beetus everywhere at all times, so the obeast's excitement is even stupider.
[–] SUPA_FUPA [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Yes and it's ridiculous! Obeasts will do anything for food even if it means stampeding their way for them and not caring if their udders knocked people over.