Okay, so I am a shitperson in the Air Force, and every month or so, our base shuts down for a "training day". This is a fancy way of saying we all sit in the break room doing absolutely jack shit, receive a condescending lecture about being scumbags, or mop and sweep our hangar. Very important stuff, obviously. This past week, our training day was pretty par for the course until they rolled in this "dietician" who works in the clinic. Our leaders hauled her in because we as a bunch are notoriously sleep-deprived and addicted to caffeine, in addition to other bad habits. A small fat at best, she lectured us as if we were brain damaged chimps (because, y'know, maintainers and all), and I shit you not these topics were covered, all the while I was about to fucking explode from rage and disbelief:
- Some kid asked why his thin grandmother was able to eat like shit all the time, while his obese butter barge of a grandmother ate nothing but fruits/vegetables/insert more untrue shit here. The small fat dietician's one word answer was "Genetics". Another presumed shitlord piped up right after without missing a beat, saying, "Your grandma's a secret eater." Hallelujah.
- A bodybuilder type asked a question about his intermittent fasting. The SFD just gaped in horror for half a second, before saying, "YOU NEED TO STOP STARVING YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY! I bet your body is in starvation mode-- you could be damaging your metabolism permanently." The bodybuilder type just stared at her like she grew antlers and ceased his questioning. Who could blame him when this woman was more a source of fat logic than actual scientific information.
- The icing on the cake-- I could hold my shitlording no longer and straight up asked her if she believed in CICO. She responded by saying that it only worked for people with absolutely no medical problems/ genetic issues at all. She kind of rolled her eyes like she couldn't believe the stupidity of my question.
And this went on for about an hour. I kept quiet, but inside my head, this was on repeat:
"SFD, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things i have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award no points, and may God have mercy on your soul".
Guess thats what we get when your base's dietician gets her degree from Costco.
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[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
π "It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."
[–] la_fupacabra 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
"βThe common people pray for caffeine, more caffeine, and a cup of coffee that never ends,β Ser Jorah told her. βIt is no matter to them if the high lords play their game of beans, so long as they are left with coffee.β
(I know it was Dune, but this is my rebuttal :P)
[–] Unsung_Heroes_again 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Rofl! Had to go Song of ice and fire?
[–] Frankieboy 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Poetry at it's best. I'll have myself a cup now.
[–] 5138426? ago
Balzac?