I live in a city apartment ion a nice city in Europe. Our house has a nice little backyard with a patch of grass to the backside joining with the backyards of the other houses in the block. This is where the balconies look towards and where the bicycles are parked. It quite tiny but a nice spot to have a barbecue or air the laundry. In the apartment above me lives a thin hipster with a formerly female butter bison and a small dog. I had no quarrel with the bison so far (and one strifes to be civil with ones neighbors) but I was on my guard since ultimately the adipose will annoy.
Recently I I noticed a plastic bag full of dog shit in the basket that was mounted to one of the bikes in the yard. I was perplexed: Who would transport bags of dog shit with their bike? To what purpose? Surely you would only carry bags of dog shit to put them in the trash? But you have to pass the trash can when you enter the back yard, so it seemed a mystery. I passed the bag of shit on my way to my bike each morning and it began to annoy me: We have a nice and tidy little house and backyard, who would blemish it that way? Well, after a couple of days the dog shit was gone. Had its owner finally disposed of it? I rejoiced!
To my horror, on the next day, a new bag of shit appears in the same basket on the same bike. A suspicion begun to arise in me. Yesterday I had to pick up a parcel from the foul bison beast and I asked it, whether it was the owner of the bike with the basket in the yard. It was. I told it that I had noticed the strangest thing: Bags of shit were appearing on its bike. Was it aware of this fact? It was. It put the bags there itself. It takes its unfortunate canine for "walks" in our backyard to let the creature relieve itself. Now, in its own words: It is then to lazy to walk the additional 15 meters (50 foot) to the trash can. So, to be efficient and save calories, it stores the shit in its bike, on display fort all its neighbors, to bring it to the trash can only if it has to make the excursion anyways.
I stared in disbelief. I think my jaw dropped. After composing myself, I told her that I would greatly appreciate it, if it would in the future dispose of the shit immediately and not put it on display in our yard.
I am shocked. Even I, a regular reader of fph stories, would not have guessed that this gravitational challenged individual could be that lazy. I am very sorry for its dog. The poor creature is apparently getting as much exercise as its owner. I wonder if it has ever been taken for a proper walk.
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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 36 points 36 points (+36|-0) ago
Fats have a disturbingly comfortable relationship with feces. They store in in bikes, they wear old underwear, they don't think twice about not being able to wipe, they have no problems waffle stomping, and they are happy to be fused to chairs with it. What snaps in a person's brain to enable this?
[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Old underwear? There's a story about a guy who stores it in the underwear he's currently wearing. AT WORK...
[–] thinANDintelligent 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Waffle stomping... Dare I google it?...
[–] Jag_hatar_fetton 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
They get too fat to use the toilet/wipe and instead shit in the shower and stomp it down the drain grate. Not even only at their own damn houses, even as guests in others homes. Some nasty stories have been posted here if u search the key words. This is the "nice" description haha
[–] Nofatpeople 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Imagine you don't fit on the toilet, the shower becomes your new toilet, and you have to get the matter down the drain.
[–] Swole_is_life 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
I think it's just a matter of getting used to it, which is incredibly disturbing in and of itself. They're so accustomed to things like waffle stomping and always having at least some shit in their pants that it becomes a new normal.
[–] BlackBetty 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
THIS. And totally not shocked at all. In fact, this is tame compared to some of the shit stories I've heard about fats.
[–] DelusionalHominids 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago
I'm honestly more shocked by the fact that a ham picks up after its dog and also owns a bicycle, but let's be real: the ham probably isn't riding that bike.
[–] clamhurt_legbeard 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Maybe it rides the bike to the trash can!
[–] LetsBeNakedOutside 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
You're a true poet!
[–] [deleted] 1 point 4 points 5 points (+5|-1) ago
[–] HipFlask [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Well, depending on how you look at it... gravity is certainly a challenge for hams!
[–] Wheeze 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Oh, I have a story similar to this I want to share.
A fat fuck across the street from where I used to live used to take his dog around the corner of the backyard, let it shit, put it into a bag and toss it into a rocky area of the backyard. We didn't know this because it was winter at the time and when the snow melted there was a mountain of dog shit bags. What made it worse it was non-biodegradable bags.
I was so pissed about the litter on its own I put up a sign that said "Don't throw your dog shit or litter into my backyard you lazy fat fucker." And I kept it there and I didn't care what anyone thought.
I like to recycle and my blood was boiling at his disrespect for the world and me as his neighbour. Fats really only care about themselves and how to make life more easy just for them, and not others.
[–] Towel_Head 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I'm jealous of your writing abilities...
[–] FatMasterson ago
I was just thinking that. Hipflask, I could read your stories all day, they are wonderfully written.
And the laziness when disposing of the poop doesn't surprise me at all. Not when it comes to a fat.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] shiznitleader 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Animals acting on instinct.
[–] BannedFromVoat_wtf 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Proabbly likes.the.smell that fat cunt.