Hello shitlords and shitladies!

I'm so sorry for being so late posting this update! With school starting so quickly, I've been really busy just trying to get everything together for my final year!

So, last week I roasted a ham. She was being uppity, a shitty manager, and something in me just snapped and I told her to climb out of my ass and onto a treadmill. Then I collected my money from the back of the restaurant and walked out. My general manager (a shitlord who I guess we'll call James for the sake of his privacy) wasn't in the restaurant, but texted me that I needed to come in and have a chat with him two days later (which was my next scheduled shift). I was fully prepared to be fired, but I didn't actually give a fuck, because I'd put in my two weeks' one week prior, and had just seven days left at the time of the pan-seared ham roast.

Unfortunately, James' godfather fell the night before (the guy is in his 90's) and had to have emergency surgery, so James wasn't there the day I was supposed to have a talk. However, the assistant manager (who we'll call Hamanda) was, but she was absolutely silent to me. She didn't say hello when I clocked in or goodbye when I clocked out just a few hours later (slow night). She did seem to have this merry, uppity tone with the other employees, so I figured she thought I was on my way to being canned.

The next day, I have a talk with James (godfather is fine, btw), basically, the talk goes like this. I'm going to be going by "Katie" here.

"So, Katie, I hear there was a little tiff between you and Hamanda the other night..."

"Yeah." I don't even try to cover what I said. "I got after her because she had been micromanaging all night."

"So there was words exchanged between you both, correct?"

"I mean, yeah. She said, 'It's not that fucking hard' so I got annoyed."

"That's exactly what she said? She used profane language when speaking to an employee?"

AW YEEEEEAH. So apparently it's a big HR issue if an higher up employee (general or assistant manager, basically) uses profane language in a negative way (as in, not just fucking around as a joke) towards a lower employee (server or cook). ALSO, because she swore at me on "the floor" (AKA the dining room, a place where customers were eating and could hear the abuse) she was in more shit than I was!

All in all, the pig got written up. Apparently, her report had been filed just an hour before I'd arrived to talk with James, and there was no sign of her.

However, James reminded me that she could "technically" appeal the write up, because I'd sworn at her too, and make a crack about her weight. But because I literally have ONE SHIFT LEFT, that probably wouldn't happen.

I am free of Hamanda!

Hi my fellow FPHers. I met one of our members very unexpectedly a few weeks ago! My husband is an aspiring wrestler and he got a gig at a show in the Midwest. Before the show there was a seminar so I wandered around the venue and saw a familiar name: Mike Sanders. I walked up to the booth and against my better judgment asked if he posted on voat. He had a weird look on his face until I said I lurk here and liked it. He talked to me for a bit and when I told him about my husband, he asked to meet him! He shook my husbands hand and talked to him for a minute before Mike had him do a promo and do some drills. Mike gave him some pointers and my husband really appreciated it! Out of nowhere as the show started one of the staff told me my son and I had our seats upgraded to ringside courtesy of Mike and Mike wanted to know if the three of us were game for dinner after the show! Mike took the three of us out to dinner and would not even let us pick up the tip. He told us a story about Bam Bam Bigelow shitting himself in a rental car, and about the fats he's worked in his career.

All in all it was a great night and I was stunned how fast a fellow FPHer would show sooooo much hospitality! Thanks Mike!

This bullshit post reeeing about "fierce" morbidly obese pig. The comments are hillarious. Shitlords and shitladies roasting lard beasts and triggering their precious fee fees! So much buttery tears and reeeeeing galore.

hello fellow shitizens! sorry for my english, not my first language.

so today, my father's family came to visit and god they are so freaking fat. But not just fat, they're also totally in denial about their fatness. they are eating every day, every night, talking about their cundishuns (wich are inexistent, my father comes from the same family and he is ripped).

i totally loathe them. When i was young i once said to one of them that he was fat (i just said it, i didn't even made fun of it or anything) and all of them have been real bitches with me since that moment (one of them even attempted to rape me, thankfully he failed).

so to explain a bit i have a depression and other problems, so i have a medication i have to take everyday. normally it's no problem, everything goes fine. but today as the family came we had to drink with them and i had a cup of champaign. that's where it begins:

psychotropics meds + alcohol = inner shitlady released

1 ) i was high as fuck and when one of my fat cousin asked how i had such great abs (they're not even great, just not covered by one meter of fat) i told her i had them since one day when i was constipated and i had to push on the abs a lot. now of course that's not true, but i didn't even realized what i was saying. they returned to their house, and now i just learned that my fat cousin has eaten a ton of rice and is now constipated... what a coincidence!

2) my fat aunt said she nearly had an accident not so long ago and she was now scared of driving. i replied, word for word " you should not be afraid. you are a walking airbag... well i'd rather say a fat bag" and then i burst out in crazy laughter at my idiot joke...

3) there was a sheet hung next to us, it was drying in the sun. during a blank, i said " hey fat cousin, isn't this your undies" and i laughed alone again.

4) my fat uncle said women prefered fat guys, because more security and whatnot, i didn't even listened. i replied, screaming "the only part of a man allowed to be fat is the dick!" everyone except fat uncle was laughing.

5) eventually they left and i applied the second layer to fat cousin by saying "don't forget your swimsuit" when giving her a whole set of sheets.

when your family isn't a shitlording one, it's great to have an excuse to release your hate in front of everyone ^^

https://i.imgtc.com/YbSKIAW.jpg

A bit of rant, thought you guys would enjoy.

The huge butterbarge of my bus has finally decided to sit next to me, unfortunately. I've been dreading this for months now–I thought I was safe at first, its piggy squeals too far away to reach my ears. But slowly and ever so surely, it's REE's and teehee's have grown closer and closer. Most of the days this week the oreo goblin has sat either directly in the seats in front of me or behind me with its poor friend. It was only a matter of time.

The butter huffer usually sits near the middle of the bus, so I make a point to sit near the front. Plus, I like it so that I can exit quicker. Today, its friend sat in front of me with another human friend. I'm minding my business when all of a sudden, I feel the harshest tap on my shoulder and look up.

"CAN IUH SIT HERE?" it asks before plopping down right next to me without even giving me the time to contemplate suicide. It then proceeds to whip out one of those mexican candies, the pelon pelo rico ones (it's a green bottle, you squeeze down on it and tamarindo comes out) and proceeds to suckle on it the entire ride. With absolutely NO SHAME. It couldn't even wait to get home before indulging in it's Beetus. I have a picture if you guys are interested. Utterly disgusted and repulsed, I text my recently-converted shitlord friends (I slowly introduced them to the idea of FPH and they loved it) and have a good few laughs as we proceed to make fun of the completely unaware sack of shit sitting next to me.

It wasn't so bad of a ride because of the laughs, but I'm still utterly perplexed. This former girl is no older than fourteen and it is twice my weight. What the fuck? And it's constantly wearing adidas jackets and those shitty Forever 21 leggings somewhere under the FUPA, as pictured. Its thunder thighs are twice the size of mine, which you can kind of see. Is it trying to trick people into thinking it's active? I don't understand.

Anyways, this was fun to retell. I came so close to telling it to never, ever sit next to me again once we reached our stop. Maybe next time.