Archived Did you come out, is there a closet, and does it matter? (asexuality)
submitted ago by GoAskErin
Posted by: GoAskErin
Posting time: 5.3 years ago on
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Archived on: 2/12/2017 1:51:00 AM
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Archived Did you come out, is there a closet, and does it matter? (asexuality)
submitted ago by GoAskErin
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[–] GoAskErin [S] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
For my part, I almost never talk about my orientation in person. It just doesn't tend to come up, except on occasion to clarify something, when I'm dealing with people I know very well. I don't like to bring it up as a general rule; I kind of dread questions from people who I just really don't want to talk with on a topic like this. As a result, my closest friends know, and a few of my other friends, and a couple trusted coworkers, since, as I said, sometimes something relevant comes up. Internet friends usually find out a lot easier, if it comes up.
I've never really been open about being demi in person, but I also think it's something that should be relatively obvious over time, if you know me. When I did talk to my friends about it, they were pretty cool with it; but I also picked who to talk with, and no one's otherwise confronted me about it. They say it makes sense for me. Sometimes they have questions, but I only feel comfortable talking specifics in person with certain good friends. It doesn't bother me to just be open with them, because it's topic of interest for its mental component, rather than its physical one. I did mention it to my mother and grandmother, but they just went along with it. My gran still expects I'll end up 'with somebody, even if it's just a really good friend'. It's nice that they don't pressure me to have kids. I sort of hinted to my dad a couple times, but... My dad's a story and a half. I think he's given up on seeing me married anyway, so it works out.
I think being on the ace spectrum has definitely helped me form a different perspective on things, whether it's paying attention to the role of sexuality in something or giving advice to people with relationship trouble. I think it's also given me more time and incentive to pursue things that interest me. It's probably also
saved me a lot of moneymade me buy so many baking pans and this really mind-blowing digital piano.I do think that in order to understand me on more than a friendly-passing basis, you need to at least know my inclinations, if not necessarily have it all spelled out. Otherwise I feel like a lot of things I do are just "??", and the rest are attributed to crushes that don't exist.
A little disorganized, but there are my thoughts.
[–] andFlo 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I don't like the whole "coming out" fad honestly. If somebody asks I explain my preferences, sometimes I'll use the word Asexual and sometimes I'll just tell them I'm not into sexual relationships.
[–] GoodOldJR 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
My asexuality doesn't define me. For the most part, I go about my life just as any other orientation would. I eat, sleep, work just fine, it is only when someone says "Hey, check her out." that my experience is different. If I was an outspoken asexual I think I might be able to talk about closets and coming out, but I am not. If I didn't like broccoli, it may never come up until I am at a restaurant. My sexuality never really has a reason to come up in normal day to day conversation.
[–] GoAskErin [S] ago
Now I want chicken divan with all the broccoli, cheese, and glorious white wine sauce. Ha!
Makes sense! I always get the impression aces overall are a bit more shy or don't see a need to really talk about their sexuality, like, more than I notice with other people. Anecdotal and all.
Like cake-eating ninjas. Hrm.
[–] peppermintblue 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I don't hide that I'm Asexual, but I don't go waving it around either... well, unless I'm waving with my right hand and I have my ring on. In one respect it defines my life because I'm not out there dating and having sexual encounters like a good portion of people I know are... and in another respect it doesn't define who I am because it's not something I even really think about most of the time and people know me better for other aspects of my life.
I have disclosed my asexuality to a few people at work... mostly because they would be gushing about some guy and would expect me to reciprocate with my own gushing. I'm sure I confuse people though because I do experience short-lived aesthetic attraction and will occasionally gush a bit myself. When I do talk about my own attraction towards someone I do make it quite clear that I am just enjoying their aesthetic appeal and nothing beyond that. My family may or may not have guessed that I am asexual - I'm in my 30's, no kids, haven't dated in over 6 years... but they don't ask and I don't feel the need to explain myself to them.
[–] GoAskErin [S] ago
Oh! Do you wear a black ring on the middle finger, or do you have a different kind of ring...?
I have a little pin I wear on the inside of my clothes sometime. I figure if I see someone out and about who's carrying a symbol openly, I can show them they're not alone by flashing my colors. Even if person doesn't want to talk about that stuff, it's a friendly gesture.
Aesthetic attraction can be really funny in the way that it fakes out other people. You gotta be like, "No, see, I COULD look at this person for hours, think they're gorgeous. Doesn't mean I wanna do anything else though. Maybe paint a picture or play with their hair?"
[–] peppermintblue 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Yea, I sometimes wear a black ring on the middle finger. It's not an everyday wear for me, sometimes I go awhile without thinking about wearing it, but other times I wear it a lot.
I have a small collection of asexual pins too... but I don't really wear them. I just like collecting pins. I had this big pin collection as a kid, most were vintage that my grandparents had given me, and for the life of me can't figure out what happened to them. That's really cute that you wear a little pin on the inside of your clothes. Very stealthy!