I thought this would be a good place to share my improvement. It came as a big surprise but so far this week I have felt 100% better then the last 12 months.
Better part of 7 years ago I was dating a girl and looking at proposing to her, I got home from looking at rings and she said she wasnt sure if she loved me anymore. Basically this was a massive trigger and went into deep depression, very suicidal, talked to one therapist who personally to me to the psycotic review board with intentions for admission at the local hospital. It was that dark but 2 things stopped me 1)thought of parents burying their son, and 2) what if i fucked up and didnt kill myself ie vegetable. Got meds, med fucked me up, wasnt stable enough (location wise) to get good plans and monitor my progress. Moved back with family and friends at my home town and over 12 months I healed. Since then I have been more susecptable to depression.
Also since this time my health has suffered. I dropped 10kgs and put on 30kgs within the year. Stopped going to the gym and exercising generally and started drinking (hello weight gain) and smoking. My body since then has suffered injuries almost consistantly since then, most lasting about 2 years before being sorted(deep pinched muscle on spine,shoulder bursitis,plantar fascitis, compartment syndrome(?) in shins) . These have been frustrating and limited my physical recovery.
About a year ago, alot to do with working remotely, no social life at home and possibly another break up, I started developing anxiety. I tried to live with it for about 6 months while it got worse and fed my depression to the point I knew I had to get a referral. A chat with my doc confirmed the anxiety, which he was more then willing to prescribe meds for. Im still not sure if I should have taken them or not but I did get a referral to see a shrink. I saw one I visited a few years ago and worked on some issues with depression.
But this whole time the anxiety has been there. For some sick reason, work became my safe place, but it was also growing my anxiety. A sick relationship where I felt trapped and couldnt get away. Previous experience from the GFC where I worked 6 months in 2 years tied me to the security of the job I hated.
I became very withdrawn. I would have panic attacks just thinking of calling up fitness clubs and people. I was too anxious to call mates or struggled to even get out of the house. It was my day release prison, but I stayed inside.
Since dealing with the depression, my thoughts have come more clearer and more driven to sort my shit out. I know Im better then this, but achieving that is such a challenge. I was trying to exercise more to get out of the anxiety. I managed to start get out of the house, even just to walk around the block. Just because I was going crazy sitting here doing nothing. These walks started at 30 minutes and worked up to an hour, and then close to 2 hours. Since my compartment syndrome symptoms developed I havent been able to run much at all, having to stop every few hundred meters to strech. I saw a poditrist to help sort it out (ongoing) but I doubt the effectiveness of it for what I was after.
Using alcohol to manage it, I did what most people do and got on the computer and over in Australia, on Facebook, we have Bidding Wars (localised ebay ish), and a sports massage came up. I enjoy massages regularly and felt like I was getting tense so I bid to win. My intentions were to look at my legs and get a once over so hopefully work towards sorting them out to run again. It had been a long time since I had a good trigger point massage and the lady did an awesome job compared to the usual people I see. She spent over 50 minutes on my calves and my shins as I had lots of knots with 'scar tissue' all around them. My legs feel good now, but she said there is still a fair bit more to go.
But this is where it gets interesting. To get to the knots she had to drain the muscle, bit like a lymphatic drain massage. But since all that has been done, my anxiety has really become minimal. Given its only a week but it nearly feels like a full body massage, with one for the mind thrown in as well. I dont know if the knots were causing a toxin build up and poisoning myself with it causing anxiety, but given that I have been wanting to ring a yoga class for almost 6 months and never gone thought with it until trying to call them twice this week its a big change for me.
I have searched Dr Google to try and understand this but so far
I havent succeeded just found this, but right now Im not too stressed. It appears to have a positive effect for me and may be insightful to some of you out there.
TLDR: knots may have been toxic possibly enabling anxiety