Archived I went to sleep for the daytime, I shut my eyes to the sunshine (youtube.com)
submitted ago by blumen4alles
Posted by: blumen4alles
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Archived on: 10/3/2020 10:00:00 AM
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Archived I went to sleep for the daytime, I shut my eyes to the sunshine (youtube.com)
submitted ago by blumen4alles
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[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
Sorry I didn't reply last Sunday. Had to clean the house. This reply won't be as good as the one I accidentally deleted either. I really hate when I have to re-write something because it never feels as good.
Remember when I said I went out to get tomatoes and the smoke was getting worse, eyes burning? At these peoples house who had the tomatoes, the first thing I saw when I got there was a trap like one of these. I have of few of these traps myself that I have removed from illegal trappers. They are required to put information on the trap and check it every so often, but these did not comply. They use canned cat food to try to trap beavers for fur. The beavers aren't hurting anyone & since they don't check their traps often enough the beaver could die in the trap or one of my cats could get stuck in there and die.
When I went inside the house I asked them what they were trying to trap. "Skunks" is what they answered. Last year they also trapped raccoons. They just shoot whatever they catch. Not cool IMO but it is their property. Raccoons never bother us, they eat the dry cat food outside during the winter but no big deal. I just don't keep much in the hopper. The coons also try to get into feed buckets but they can't get the lid off so we just find the bucket rolled somewhere in the morning. I felt bad for the skunks but didn't say anything.
Fast forward to me eating dinner, which you asked about (what I was having) and I answered. Half-way through eating my dog comes in the house kinda freaking out. I can tell something is up and it seems he has something in his right eye. Then I smell it. He got sprayed by a skunk, again. I got him outside and blocked the dog door so he could not get back in. Finished my meal trying not to breathe. I have smelled skunk spray before but not that fresh, it was brutal. Since the house was closed up for the smoke outside it made it even worse.
The whole time I was finishing my meal I couldn't stop thinking about the thoughts I had earlier in the day about the skunks, how I felt sorry for them. Also I thought about giving away my plans to the internet, something I strive never to do. I even had the thought before I replied about the consequences of telling you what I was having for dinner. This is where my mind starts making connections (real or imagined) and I kick myself for having these thoughts.
I have this paranoid idea about putting personal information about your plans for the future on the internet can open up an attack vector. So after telling you about what I was having for dinner and then having my dinner messed with like that really mind-fucks me. I only eat one meal a day and was looking forward to that one!
Maybe skunk was trying to tell me something. My dog got sprayed right on the right side of his muzzle, in his right eye, and basically the entire right side of his face from nose to neck. He has to be able to tell it is a skunk and not a cat, they have an odor even if they have not sprayed recently & dogs have better sniffers than I do! He got a cold bath chained to the deck later that night. Took him a while to come out from under the deck. He rubbed himself all over to try to remove the oil, so now it still smells like skunk outside a week later. Last Sunday we cleaned the floors, the dog door flaps, and other stuff. I think I might have some on my boots because every time I put them on I smell it on my hands afterwards. Dog still smells when gets close too, gonna be there for another week or so.
Alright, that is basically why I said in the other reply. How was Texas? Any good news about your daughter?
[–] friendsend ago
Iâm sorry if Iâm not savvy to these types of things. I think thatâs why I got in so much trouble in Egypt, because I seemed to ask the wrong questions and say the wrong things. Donât share things with me like that. Iâm really not sensitive if Iâm approached respectfully, so if you ever get a thought that doesnât seem logical but you feel strongly about, let me know. I know we just type to one another, but Iâve found a light in you. As much as weâd like to trust people, one another, and people we find spiritual and connected, doesnât mean we should open ourselves unnecessarily. It was a normal question - What are you having for dinner? Youâd think answering it would be simple and non-threatening.
What a catastrophe. What a mess.
I donât know how many âlessonsâ need to be learned before someone gets a grasp on reality. It is a mind-fuck. For you to find the reasoning between the connections you made - well, Godspeed. As a schizophrenic who has made ridiculous connections, and now as a sane-ish person stuck in a sort of mystic state where I can feel when things are connected in my personal world, I know where youâre coming from. Itâs not something to make sense of, you know?
I have made the terrible connection between telling people what has been working for me, or inspiring me, or helping me - and then after I say it, whatever it was that helped stops helping. Even after I told you I was obsessed with Cream of Wheat, the next day when I had it I got a stomach ache and didnât enjoy it. And the gatorade wasnât palatable all week. It really messes me up, because I want to share, and I want to get otherâs ideas, but when it stops being personal - it loses me. I donât blame you, but I know what youâre talking about, and it makes me confused and feeling very alone. Because of my mental health, itâs important for me to get otherâs points of view.... If I think about any one subject, itâs short sided. For you it happens on the internet, for me it happens with talking. I donât comment online enough for it to be a thing, but the cream of wheat and Gatorade situation was very real. Iâve thought probably three times this week it was like that because I shared about it. Makes me feel so alone. I just canât even describe it - I want to share!!!!
My daughterâs MRI went very, very well. Her results came back normal! So we wonât be seeing the neurologist again. My daughter got a new prescription for her glasses - patching is also going to have to become a part of our routine.
I am so sorry if my talking to you about âcervical awakeningâ came off as the feeling that I was trying to grab your attention in a sexual way. I was thinking about that yesterday. I donât know. I watched an incredible video of an old lesbian feminist describing men and their way to attain meaning. As a woman, I think my enlightenment and meaning come from within. I think if I have knowledge of my womb, my cervix, etc. then I can reach a state of mind that is full of strength and meaning. And thatâs all I need. And thatâs what I was trying to share, is that Iâm doing self exploration in a spiritual way to open and know myself more. I donât think I have the capabilities of a man to find enlightenment in anything outside of myself, or creation outside of myself. I think the ONLY reason my mind was blown open to the height that it was, was because a man did that to me through the act of sex. And being celibate, itâs a matter of regaining identity and integral knowledge of the self. Itâs so hard to share these things, and I donât, with anyone, not even my best friend. For them itâs too âsexualâ and not a spiritual act. When I have spoken about it with you I felt like one of those Internet girls who wants attention, and the only way they get it is by being overtly sexual. âLook at me! I have a vagina!â I do have one, though, and I think thatâs the core of my identity in this incarnation. I want to be FULLY in myself. I think cervical exploration would be beyond beneficial - but I think for a man sexual stimulation does different things. I think if a man controls their sex, they control their energy. I think women process sexual energy differently. There is a feminist idea that exploring your sexuality is like the height of being a woman - but they explore it in horrendously exploitive ways. There is no âcoming into knowledgeâ, itâs just, âhow to get offâ. I used to be that type of woman, so I would know. Being holistic in approaching sexuality, is a big thing. Looking at bodies without thinking about sex, having orgasms without being âturned onâ, understanding your own flesh with reverence. Iâm trying to be more awake, Iâm working with heart coherence, and doing breath work. Doing weight lifting, working with my muscles. All those things. Itâs so hard to share, because you donât know how someone will take it. I know of women whoâve never had sex, much less looked at themselves in the mirror. Or married religious women who would think I was absolutely sinful in my undertakings. There are a lot of opinions, but mine is for self awareness and health. What a dream! To be healthy. To be open and awake and responsive (instead of reactive) and giving and strong. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the work I have to do on myself I do nothing. As I teach myself, I teach my daughter :). Maybe with my opening awareness and self knowledge, she wonât be doing this in her 30âs. But, in the future, when and if we talk about these things, please know Iâm not doing it for attention, and that itâs genuine human sharing from a holistic approach. I donât want to exploit myself or you. And I felt you had that approach when you told me about your full moon emissions. Cool knowledge all the way.
Talk soon.
[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
I thought about adding don't take it personally and you are not to blame to my reply. It isn't your fault, you were just being friendly. It is a pretty crazy coincidence though to have something happen with my dinner, and my thoughts before it. It isn't your fault even, unless you intended to mess with my meal, which I seriously doubt. If you did, then well played, witch :)
It happens to me with talking too! I hate talking about myself and I never tell people my plans. I only tell people about something I did after I did it.
During my mystical experience I learned the basis of all energy is sexual energy. I appreciate learning about it! There is a dark side of course, which is why Crowley was into the sex magick and sodomy.
It doesn't help that I watched a movie recently about a musician with schizophrenia I Met a Girl 2020 - these things remind me of when I was like that. I don't know how exactly this place works, but I have some ideas, and I just knew when I gave out information like that something was going to happen. And it did! So let us call that a scientific experiment, OK? You know what this means right? People with schizophrenia probably have a better sense of the truth. That is how I feel anyway. There is a reason why tribes took care of their schizophrenic shamans, because they could see the world in a way to help the people that could not.
Again, I just broke my own rule, it is not your fault. I feel like the universe is playing with me anyway with these things. Else I would get bored. Pretty crazy though. I am glad I can talk about these things with you, I don't have anyone else to share these things with.
Glad to hear your daughters results came back normal. I remember kids in school wearing eye patches, and they didn't seem to need them forever. Have they give you any time frames how long it will take for her vision to be corrected? If that was my child I'd be super tempted to micro-dose them with psilocybin, it helps the brain make new pathways.
I don't think you are talking about anything for attention. Glad we can share these things. Gonna go do some chores, maybe write later.
How about that timing of RBG's death announcement, yesterday was the first day of Rosh Hashanah. The Autumnal equinox is in three days.