Archived I went to sleep for the daytime, I shut my eyes to the sunshine (youtube.com)
submitted ago by blumen4alles
Posted by: blumen4alles
Posting time: 6 months ago on
Last edit time: never edited.
Archived on: 10/3/2020 10:00:00 AM
Views: 92
SCP: 3
3 upvotes, 0 downvotes (100% upvoted it)
~2 user(s) here now
This Subverse allows anonymized submissions.
NSFW: No
Authorized: No
Anon: Both
Private: No
Type: Default
Archived I went to sleep for the daytime, I shut my eyes to the sunshine (youtube.com)
submitted ago by blumen4alles
view the rest of the comments ā
[–] friendsend ago
Oh my friend. Iāve lived a lifetime of experiences since speaking with you last.
Iām glad to hear youāre doing better. And beautiful photo by the way. That artist always transcends.
I donāt have internet at my house anymore. I donāt think Iāll be getting it, against my grandmotherās and daughterās wishes. We can escape too easily into it. Iāve been writing and reading, Iāve been listening to hypnotist tracks and stretching really well, Iāve been doing deep cleaning. Weāve been spending more time outdoors. Itās been GOOD. We can afford internet, but Iām not sure itās healthy. Weāve been developing real lives, although Iām completely out of the loop on worldly happenings. Weāre at the library right now. :)
Iāve experienced a lot with Hyper reality experiences. I was chatting with my best friend and the conversation got intense, so I imagined a water energy coming towards her and focused on it. Lo and behold her face started changing into other faces. Then one night, having been without sleep the night before (thatās been happening TOO often), I was lying down next to my daughter and grandmother. I thought they started chatting and playing and their energy was too much for me to handle, so I felt myself turn around to tell them to be calm (in a harsh way Iām ashamed to say), then they quieted down and looked at me... then I realized I had never moved to reprimand them, and that none of that had actually happened. It was sleep deprivation for sure... but for days I wondered about the reality Iām in, and if beyond the veil, if I was awake, if weād be living in a different way. Very mind bending. The sparks of light I see have been more pronounced. Theyāre bigger, stay longer, and are more abundant. Last night I saw something flying around my living room, and it wasnāt a bug. I have this set of hypnotism cds called Hypnobabies, to help with childbirth.. my god, Iāve been getting into states of bliss when I listen to them. (Iām not pregnant - ha!) Itās been so needed. The other night I saw a large orange light above my neighbors house. And, my hallucinations got heavy at one point - I saw all these cartoons at a playground, then they would fade away and Iād see a white girl getting raped by Muslims, and it went back and forth for a few minutes. Allllllllmost full color, but still faded enough to feel like a dream.
Things have been difficult lately. Dealing with a lot of family drama. My grandmother is still raw from her partner passing. Itās been two weeks. My daughter was a wreck, but is doing better now.
Iāve just starting reading a book called The Warriors Meditation. I think Iām going to work with it and see how it goes. God knows I need to develop a spiritual practice.
I got a moon phase calendar for my daughterās homeschooling area. Itās so cool. We will always now know the phase of the moon :)
Iām going to turn my grandfatherās room into mine or put my grandmother out of what used to be my room into his old room. My grandmother moved into it when I got pregnant. When the baby was born my daughter went in between us and itās been the same ever since. Iām ready to have my own space, though. Iām going to let our grandfatherās energy get out of the house first, and when everything is ready for change Iāll be moving a lot around to see where every wants to be. There are three bedrooms. Enough for each of us to have our own space.... but frankly my daughter is a little puppy and I have no real will to break her of her mammalian need to be hugged through the night.
Both of the next links have seductive imagery. I want to take this or this class when I have my own space. If you didnāt click on the links, they are online classes that explore the cervix. āCervical awakeningā it could be called I guess. Lol :). When I get hypnotized by those audio files I have I get blissed out, and lately Iāve been having blissed out full body awareness states after using my crystal wands. I need more space, I need my own space. And if everything goes well I will in a few weeks or a month or so. If so, I am going to take one of those classes. Last year, I had a cervical exam, and all the poking and prodding lead me into a state of bliss. I mean, I was riding HIGH the entire drive home, just feeling waves and waves coming from my cervix. It was amazing.
I have been focusing a lot on my heart, and having my awareness come from my heart instead of behind my eyes. Itās so difficult.
My god, I wanted to share something else with you. I havenāt been wearing my mask into businesses. Or I didnāt last week, twice. And the way I moved around people was so new. I felt someoneās energy and I felt like I knew how to move around them to prevent them from saying anything to me about it. And several times, when I approach someone of authority, I would move in a way where it would make it seem awkward to say anything - and they didnāt. Theyād look at me and move on. Three times I had people remove their mask or take it down so it wasnāt covering all their lower face holes after seeing me. Lol ;). I went into a bank without it on, and when I was walking up I felt in my body that I would find resistance there, so I navigating in my head what I would say. I decided that I would talk about herd immunity and go from there. So I went in, sat down, and two ladies started talking in front of me. They talked about herd immunity, to my shock, and then when they weāre done with their conversation they said their goodbyes and one of them had my name! (My last name can be a first name as well.). It was SYNCHRONICITY like a mother f***. I was just blown away. The woman that helped us saw me and took her mask off while she was with us. It was beautiful.
Some days I feel my life is so hopeless, but then when things like that happen I feel like Iām important to the world. Itās been a hard lesson to not seek attention, or wish for fame or admiration. When I was younger I was ridiculously attractive, and it was easy for people to give me what I thought I wanted. After being on zyprexa and gaining weight, I lost that attention, and that lust men had after me. And it has taken me to places in my life and mind that Iām so beyond grateful for. To be okay with being āno oneā. To relish it. To not base my identity and worth by men that wanted me. But then, getting lost in being no one, getting depressed because of it, only then to be reawakened into importance by having synchronicities happen. The things I personally see and feel as a kind of mystic/schizo, make me feel Iām paid attention to - in the spirit world - but in interacting with normal humans? Iām no one. Itās a blessing and a curse. Iām so thankful I know all the differences.
Iāll write you again when I can.
Goodbye fren. Hope youāve been good. :)