Archived I went to sleep for the daytime, I shut my eyes to the sunshine (youtube.com)
submitted ago by blumen4alles
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Archived on: 10/3/2020 10:00:00 AM
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Archived I went to sleep for the daytime, I shut my eyes to the sunshine (youtube.com)
submitted ago by blumen4alles
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[–] blumen4alles [S] ago (edited ago)
Oh wow it has been over a week.
I don't want to talk much about my friend in Germany, but I think it is his family that are causing the problems. He lives with his mother, grandmother, and sister. His father does not live with them. Sounds to me like they are all toxic and/or narcissists. Some of the stories I have heard are horrible, I can't imagine my grandmother trying to make me sad like that. Recently they got the police involved, they came and took a bunch of his stuff, wrecked shit. They are like crabs in a bucket. There is a greater evil that is acting through them, at least that is how I see it. This evil targets the light.
I watched this movie called Chicken 2015 and it did a good job disturbing me. This world is so fucked up, I wanna go home.
Had a wet dream this morning, pretty much right on schedule, as the new moon is tomorrow night. It was accompanied with a pretty crazy dream. I didn't try to fight it at all this time. Weird how my thought process goes in my dream. I don't know if the dream is a reaction to my body, my body is reacting to the dream, or both. In my dream I was some sort of security guy, like a mall cop, wearing a yellow vest, had this pellet gun. Then this Antifa looking chick with a black crop top starts making trouble, she shoots at me, I shoot back then disarm her, then lay on top of her to subdue her. I greatly over-powered her and was kinda amused that she was powerless.
At least it was better than yesterday's dream, where my computer had some sort of malware. I should be writing these dreams down to review later. I used to have a voice recorder I would keep by my bed and talk the dream out when I woke up. It is easier than writing because you don't need light and it keeps your mind closer to the dream state. Then I loaned my voice recorder to my fourth girlfriend so she could listen to this audiobook I put on there for her, never got it back.
I think you might be taking that the wrong way or taking it personally. For me what that article was about was incest, and what happens when a group interbreeds. Unless your parents are related, it doesn't really apply to you. I did mention this stuff to my mom, and she told me about family on her fathers side that were cousins and had children. I can't recall how close of cousins now though, just that they both had the same last name. Uh oh. :)
Part of my mystical experience was about the incestual nature of reality. It is hard for me to put into words, I'd have to write a bunch out and sift through it. I think that is the sick joke behind trannies and such. They get a thrill successfully deceiving others to be attracted to the same sex or getting sexual with them. Trannies stick out like a sore thumb to me so I am not sure how anyone falls for that deception.
I think I would be in the warrior-slave class. My masters ran into problems with me though, they do no know how to motivate me. I have my own reasons for fighting, and they are never in alignment with my masters reasons. If I was forced into fighting they would probably regret it. I remember wanting to by kidnapped so I could fuck up my kidnappers.
Recently I relocated our fire pit, the old shape was a circle, and the new shape reminds me of an eye. I am going to leave it that way. That symbol is quite powerful and is used for both good and evil. So I would say it is a neutral symbol and it depends on the context. The image you linked is connected to Hermeticism, which I consider to be a good thing. There is a perverted form of Hermeticism that the freemasons use, and in that context I would consider that a bad thing. As another example, this Greek restaurant I used to go to often had one of these blue evil eyes hanging behind the counter. Quite an ancient symbol.
A symbol I would not use would be the hamsa. There is something about that symbol that rubs me the wrong way. Did you see them when you were in Egypt? How does it make you feel?
[–] friendsend ago
I wasn’t able to sleep tonight... I’m a bit worried that this low dose of zyprexa is causing it! The last time I didn’t take my meds it was like this. Ugh.
So - I lived with a narcissistic mother. And I have a child. I am HIGHLY aware of people who think they can treat their kids like crap. Sometimes even in an evil way. Some parents want to take out their problems on their children. Others just LIKE being abusive. Some see potential in their children and don’t want them to be successful out of jealousy. When I was growing up, I was so used to my mother being mean that I did it to my siblings as well. I wasn’t self aware and I was highly suggestible. I took after my mother like a child should take after their parents. My goodness, when my daughter grew out of babyhood and into her own personality it was so so so so so hard to not treat her like my mother treated me. I went to therapy, read parenting books, cried when I lost my shit, and prayed constantly. I’m a really great mother now. I really got it down by the time she was 5, but now she’s my new 7 year old, and I am doing so well with building her properly. I know I had a choice - be terrible and break her like my parents did me - or build her. I chose life. It sounds like your friend is with -beyond- toxic relatives. Bless him. I would even have him attempt leaving even if it meant living in poverty. Being poor, I’d rather be like this than in a relationship with someone horrendous. But, like so many, he may have never seen other options. When people are used to a living situation, they tend to think nothing can change. He may not have it in him at this moment. Pray tell he finds his way and rises above all of this.
The hamsa - no I avoid it. I was in the Middle East and it was big there. I’m over it. Not my culture. Not my Gods. I could do well without eating foreign cuisine and celebrating other cultures for the rest of my life. They can keep their damned eye of fatima.
Your wet dream is pretty non-PC, and at the same time completely mirroring modern porn. Cop. Bad girl. Shit gets rough and she gets fucked.
I had a transmission/idea when I was seriously mentally ill that women steered the direction of the planet as it flew through space with their psychic and spiritual energy, but men had to sex them up right to get the women to go in the right direction. Pretty funny thought. I should make a romance novel about it. Ha!
And yes... I did take that Russian stuff personally. It was rough. Something about being a cocked eyed schizophrenic that no one would want really hurt. My daughter has amblyopia and has schizophrenic parents! We’re both white, he’s of German stock and I’m of Scandinavian (I was blond as a girl, now a brunette - damn it.). But even before I read that, I was just pondering if amblyopia was a condition of being inbred. Pisses me off. I’d be interested in reading what you’d piece together if you wrote about the incestual nature of reality. I wont hold my breath but if you do ever write something cohesive then share.
Speaking of masters, do you think you’ve been a victim of mind control? This guy (<-Jewtube) talks about his experiences with CIA mind control techniques with a super computer. This video has a decent description. I can’t subscribe too heavily into it or I’ll get hella paranoid. But, I feel I come in and out of spirit and machine. You might have some respite from the system that allows you to decompress and live with spirit - I live in the grid. I think everything is really what you make it. If I get really scared, then I will create bad situations. If I’m peaceful and a free, then spirit moves through me. My daughter’s father always worries about satellites hurting our daughters brain. He gets me a bit panicky sometimes. Ever used orgone? Heard of biogeometry? I have a necklace I bought from the doctor who created biogeometry while I was in Egypt 14 years ago. I think stuff like that helps, although I just have a few pieces of orgone... the energy that comes off of it makes my body cool when I focus on it.
I hope you’re doing well. It’s nice to hear from you.
It’s 6 am my time, and I am going to attempt to stay up for the rest of the day as a RESET. Hopefully I won’t start hallucinating. Ha. If I do I’ll tell you about it, it would probably be enjoyable.
Coffee. Maybe even some green tea or matcha. Yoga, too.
Peace, fren.
[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
My father is narcissistic too. I could also feel myself acting like him when I was raising my puppies. I had a dog before but he was a rescue and not a puppy. If I ever had children I will think about what you said here and be glad I practiced on dogs first instead of humans. My friend in Germany did have his independence and own space, but life circumstances had him move back in with his mom. He is trying to regain some of that but this world is very difficult right now for everyone. He lives in a high tourist area of Germany so I am sure things are more expensive there too.
Eye of Fatima makes me want to puke!
My wet dream was very non-PC. I didn't actually fuck her in my dream though. Never removed any of mine or her clothes. I do confess I groped her chest under her crop top though. When I have them, the ones that get me, it is like someone else is dreaming them for me. The ones when I am able to pull myself out of them are more like my normal dreams. Usually there if there is a girl in my normal dreams it never gets sexual. In my dream I am just happy to be around someone I like and who may like me. In waking life I am very slow to give myself away, and a pleasure-denier (or pleasure-delayer?). I heard that term somewhere but I didn't see much when searching just now. This was the closest result (NSFW!) There is a penis in a cage on that wiki page. Never seen that before LOL.
I just like to get to know people and see what they are like in a variety of situations before being intimate with them. I wish I had been able to do a wider variety of activities with my first girlfriend before having sex. She even freaked out going for a walk in the woods. Mega freaked out when I took her for a canoe trip. However since we had to see each other in secret because of her parents we just didn't do much besides talk at work, meetup in the park near her house, etc.
There was another wet dream that really bothered me, so I remember it well. One day a week I would play dominoes with this group of boomers, ex-hippies, we would smoke pot, eat pot, it was a good time. Usually mostly women, sometimes it was balanced, sometimes I was the only guy. One of the women in the group had a problem with her electric water heater, I am really good and troubleshooting & fixing pretty much anything electrical or mechanical, so I offered to stop by. I had never been in her house before, and she was a hoarder. This might bother some people but my father is a hoarder & I have my own fair amount of discord. Not a hoarder though. My biggest issue is putting things back in their places, or even having places for things. I have a photographic memory so when I need something I just look at the mental picture of where I last saw it or where I left it. Have a bad habit of piling stuff up on flat surfaces, you should see my desk right now.
Anyway, back to this woman. She already had a fairly small house, combine that with being a hoarder it kinda feels like the walls are closing in. Some doors didn't open all the way because stuff was behind them, and that is a huge pet peeve / trigger for me, I hate that shit. I get there and she was watching this little girl. Don't remember if they were related or she was just baby-sitting for a friend. Kid was full of energy and excited to have someone else in the house to talk to. Somewhere along the line the girl asks me to come into the bedroom she is staying in, bouncing all over the bed, I am just standing there watching her jump around wishing I still had that youthful energy. I get this psychic feeling behind me from the woman, she had this thought about me and the little girl being in the bedroom together. Like I literally felt her worry and sense of responsibility to protect this little girl from me. I felt it physically too. I am always aware of where everyone is, tracking them in a way, and even when I can't exactly for some reason I can feel a direction to look. When I read peoples mind like that I feel it physically like a gust of wind hitting me.
So she comes in and says something about us being in the room, and I follow her out of the room. I didn't let it bother me really. I figured maybe she herself had been abused. Maybe she thinks all men are pedophiles. Who knows, her problem, not mine, I know myself. I checked out her water heater and told her how to proceed. Trying not to notice the filthy kitchen. Junk on top of the stove with only one burner accessible.
That night or the night after I had a wet dream. In my dream there was this disturbing little alien just jumping up and down on top of me. Kinda a blue-green alien. Crazy eyes, really excited. I woke up disturbed, and as I analyzed the dream became even more disturbed. Pretty sure that alien was that little girl, or at least that is what someone wanted me to think. Then I got really pissed off at the woman for even putting that thought in my head. That was more than five years ago and I still remember it vividly. Nothing in the dream was sexual in anyway, the only sexual part was my body doing its thing. I felt intruded upon though.
Who knows, maybe that was another form of that little girl, maybe she liked my energy and visited me in my dream state. I think we are all aliens here and our spirits/souls/whatever have different forms when we are not in these meat bags. But fuck that woman for thinking that thought. That is the archontic mind right there. Even if you eliminate the parasite from your consciousness, you can still be subjected to it from other people. Which is why I rarely go out around other people.
You know how people blame men for the way the world is? I think there is a group of old women who have been in power forever, and they just use the men to do their bidding. It is probably exactly like the society structure that bees have. I'd say your transmission/idea is spot on. I have had very similar ideas flow through my head before.
I thought you took it personally but I didn't realize you were thinking about your daughter that way. That is horrible, and not my intention at all. Even if it is true for any of us, what can we do now beside become aware of the situation and try to improve it? When I was reading it I was thinking in the context of the jews, or people marrying relatives "to keep the money in the family". If it helps at all I don't feel like your daughters condition is a result of inbreeding. Now I am wondering is she was born under one of the air signs of the zodiac (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius). That just popped in my head, maybe because all is mind and I feel like her lazy eye is connected to that. More of a brain balance than eye issue. Now I feel like I am playing doctor.
Mind control. I was just thinking last night about this. I had trouble remembering more about a movie I saw around the time of my mystical experience. I could only remember the ending and I even made a post here asking for help from anyone that might had seen it. I highly recommend this movie. I may even watch it again today and take notes. There are some really profound things in it.
Maybe the mind control is being put out through pop music, television, commercials, and the internet? Maybe they are using my desire to know what is going on in the world and my curiosity about it against me?
After I watched the movie last night it made sense why there was a mental block in my mind and internet censorship to keep me from finding it again (sounds a bit paranoid but when you have been putting internet search terms together for as long as I have and see search results about coronavirus come up when looking for a movie on multiple search engines it really makes you wonder!) My memory is fuzzy around the time before & after my mystical experience, but I should have had enough in my search to pull that movie up. The way I eventually found it was looking at movies similar to it and checking the 12 movies imdb associates with each of them.
A key part of the movie is there are certain words that can be spoken and you gain control of people. They don't call it spelling for nothing. All this really makes me think I should take a good break from all forms of media. THAT IS HOW THEY GET TO YOU wink wink
I had done resets before and some really messed me up. I had a bad idea once after I stayed up all night to make this breakfast sandwich and put some cannabis and mushrooms in the eggs. NEVER DO THAT. Holy shit was I paranoid. Bad bad idea. You can have mushrooms and then cannabis after the mushrooms take effect, but eating cannabis with mushrooms is a no-no especially after having not slept all night - a recipe for disaster. Thank goodness I held myself together. I ended up pretending to sleep with an eye mask and headphones to just ride it out.
When I was in college I stayed up all night to cram, then the next night I thought I'd really like to get a good sleep, I'll take some ambien - but didn't go to sleep right away. Don't do that either. I was hallucinating caterpillar toast.
I usually only eat one meal a day but after staying up all night I eat more. So that is my suggestion, eat more today. Your eyes will probably get tired too from not having their rest. And your feet. I didn't sleep well last night either but I did sleep some.
Did you taper your dose again recently? If so, your body will adjust, give it time :)
I am going to go check the rest of Voat now and hopefully there are no new videos of men getting kicked in the head by niggers. I probably should take a break, for my mental health...