for me?( in bill burrs pdcast voice)
it was being broke. i had a turd roomate and long story short we had our cable cut off.......no internet, no news...for about a month. this was before everyone had a smartphone with unlimited data. i was "cut off from the world". im a weird coincidence i drunkenly got a subscription to USA Today, yes yes, laugh your ass off at my drunk ass.
over that 30 or so days, it became part of my routine to get a few cups of coffee and breakfast in me, read the paper, do the word jumble then head off to work. USA is "light" theres no hard politics...or rather not at the time. so..i became "disconnected from liberalism".
I played video games and wrote music and read the paper.
anyway...I kind of admitted to myself realistically that blacks were retarded. I noticed that democrats....99% of my friends felt guilty about being white, and that they occasionally would insult the white race as a whole. I noticed that bad neighborhoods were the result of bad people.....with bad credit and bad criminal records......my favorite bar at the time was a total dive...i remember going there and looking around. i was only 29 or so...but i remember thinking "these people are losers, why am i here?"
CABLES BACK ON!!!!!!! WHOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!
I used to hate fox and only watch cnn or msnbc. i was watching msnbc while doing a USA Today crossword. I cant remember the show, I cant remember the Contributors or guests, but i remember the underlying message, something i didnt notice before...my brain was no longer a "squirel cage" I noticed I could watch news with a "long term brain"....
...anyway... the underlying message was "rich white men are bad" and i was a little aggravated. and my buddy, the joker who fucked up paying the bills took a hard swig of his beer and said "no black has ever given me a job"
we both laughed because we bonded on offensive humor......but something about what he said stuck with me.
I used my eyes and ears. when i went out to get a pizza or beer....when i drove around, when i was on the job... blacks were always the troublemakers...every single time. every black i waited on at the restaurant...we servers always joked about how terrible blacks are at tipping..(during Christmas, every waiter in history has sung "im dreaming of a white 4 top)
but I started noticing other things...not that i didnt before, but they became amplified...niggers NEVER had any idea how to order food...they had no concept of "order drinks...look over the menu, then order food" no clue whatsoever. they were always confrontational and mistrusting. everytime.....now, you cats know. im the bourbonexpert...you dont become a skilled and respected barkeep with outpaying your dues as a waiter, line cook, busser, host etc... first. every time, across the board, black were the worst.
then one day i was driving home.....no radio....i was so tired from dealing with a nigger party of 30 with a new person... all i heard wad the wind and cars from the highway and i said out loud...."fucking niggers"
it felt really good. it was something i was not allowed to think or say. " niggers are worthless"
then it washed over me.... i finally got it