[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Thank you! About the formatting part, this is actually something I've kind of been "half-doing" in my own document, but I'm not that familiar with reddit/voat-text and it did not work well when I copied right over. I'll see what I can do!

Detail yes, God to the mind and Devil to the hands. Thank you =)

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

https://nesw22.wordpress.com/

I have now started my own blog to continue this story on. If you enjoyed this story or would like to know more, keep an eye there!

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

https://nesw22.wordpress.com/

I have now started my own blog to continue this story on. If you enjoyed this story or would like to know more, keep an eye there!

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[–] gr33narrow 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Hey TigerWrite -- so I sent you a PM before voat went AWOL but I guess you never received it because it's not showing up in my "sent" folder.

I agree with Flow. There needs to be some form on tension building to really drag in the reader. In addition, more description with the emotion. While I like Jonah's naive excitement, you also might want to consider doing a bit of research on pages, squires, and knights and the strenuous processes that are required, and the money required, to reach knighthood.

The formatting also needs work. Right now everything is blending together. Proper line breaks between dialogue and a slower pace would help involve your readers more.

Overall, it sounds like it can go places. Like I said, just do a bit more research -- give us a setting and really put us in the time. As is, I cannot exactly pin the time frame nor setting. There are a few documentaries on Netflix available that show life in medieval periods. You may want to watch a few of those.

In addition, to get more focus and really place your readers in the scene, adding a description of the weaponry used, the crest on the shield, the colors of the clothes -- anything to really place your reader in the moment.

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

No sorry, I never recieved that PM. The naive personality of Jonah is key, and will do him some good and bad. That is deliberate.

This is a story of a (currently) 13 year old, I doubt I need to delve that much in to that until later, maybe what his pipedream is and how it's currently is out of reach.

Yes, formatting is a big issue I agree, my own document look's better, haha!

Research, research and more research. Thank you so much of it, I will keep that in mind, the "idea" is broad and when I wrote it I did not have a sort of "guild/house-crest" thing in mind, interesting idea however.

I have also decided to make this more of a shortstory rather than a full-blown novel. Which is why I am at time deliberatly vague. Thank you! =)

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Updated. Spelling, a bit of depth added.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Oh, damn, sorry. I'll update with edits from now on then.

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Big update. Feedback is always appreicated. Thankyou!

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[–] gr33narrow 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Hey friend, WritingAdvice is still in development at the moment, so we'll get back to you ASAP. I'll start reading on it right now, but it may take the others some time to get back to you. Not a problem!

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[–] TigerWrite [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Not a problem. Thank you. =)