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[–]TheBuddha0 points
2 points
2 points
(+2|-0)
ago
If you put her in a blueberry patch, you'll know she's a bear. She's down on all fours and putting no berries into the bucket and all the berries into her mouth.
I asked her how many berries she ate when we stopped for lunch. She said, "Not many." There were probably three berries in her bucket, her hands were stained blue, her clothing was stained blue, her lips and teeth were blue, and she had a swollen belly and complained that it ached.
Bears are inherently dishonest. I'm pretty sure she ate all the berries she could fit.
She's smart, however. Crafty is the term... She now waits for me to bring the berries home. I have to put them up quickly, lest they get eaten. You can't just leave unattended berries around this house. They'll disappear!
[–]TheBuddha0 points
2 points
2 points
(+2|-0)
ago
Alas, no... She shaves off her fur. That's how she fooled me into thinking she was a human. If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have let her in my house!
I'm pretty sure she's a retired circus bear. The circuses all shut down and there's no work for old retired bears. It's not like she has a job. She just kind of hangs around, knits, eats donuts, and steals my berries. She puts honey on lots of things - even in her coffee, on her pancakes, on toast, on peanut butter sandwiches, etc!
I can't get rid of her now. I've grown fond of her and she'd have no place to go. Bears really don't have good employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs.
Hell, you should see her when I bring home freshly caught salmon. Oh, that bear is a horrible fish stealer! She's off and running with my fish, banging around in the kitchen, and is probably frustrated 'cause they don't make stove knobs designed for bears. You can't just bear-proof a kitchen. No, no amount of money can do that. It's just not possible.
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[–] TheBuddha 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
If you put her in a blueberry patch, you'll know she's a bear. She's down on all fours and putting no berries into the bucket and all the berries into her mouth.
I asked her how many berries she ate when we stopped for lunch. She said, "Not many." There were probably three berries in her bucket, her hands were stained blue, her clothing was stained blue, her lips and teeth were blue, and she had a swollen belly and complained that it ached.
Bears are inherently dishonest. I'm pretty sure she ate all the berries she could fit.
She's smart, however. Crafty is the term... She now waits for me to bring the berries home. I have to put them up quickly, lest they get eaten. You can't just leave unattended berries around this house. They'll disappear!
[–] 11393896? [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
That's like me and my edibles... maybe I'm part bear? I do tend to sleep a lot during the winter...
I bet she is the best cuddler - probably nice and warm.
[–] TheBuddha 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Alas, no... She shaves off her fur. That's how she fooled me into thinking she was a human. If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have let her in my house!
I'm pretty sure she's a retired circus bear. The circuses all shut down and there's no work for old retired bears. It's not like she has a job. She just kind of hangs around, knits, eats donuts, and steals my berries. She puts honey on lots of things - even in her coffee, on her pancakes, on toast, on peanut butter sandwiches, etc!
I can't get rid of her now. I've grown fond of her and she'd have no place to go. Bears really don't have good employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs.
Hell, you should see her when I bring home freshly caught salmon. Oh, that bear is a horrible fish stealer! She's off and running with my fish, banging around in the kitchen, and is probably frustrated 'cause they don't make stove knobs designed for bears. You can't just bear-proof a kitchen. No, no amount of money can do that. It's just not possible.