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[–] ValkyrieHerja 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I think you're missing the point that cheating isn't about sex, it's about being dishonest.

If a person doesn't want to be monogamous, that's their choice. And as adults we have the right to make that decision. But when you cheat on someone you are taking away at least one other person's choice regarding monogamy. I've had married men try to date me and lie about being single, and obviously they are lying to their wives. That is wrong.

Choosing not to be monogamous in and of itself isn't wrong, but being honest about it is the tipping point. If someone chooses to lie about their sexual needs and deceive their partner(s) that does not make them a good person. You might blast someone for throwing away a man who is a good father, good husband, etc if they cheat...but how good are they if they can lie?

I've personally told off attached men for searching outside their relationship while deceiving their partner. If she is so perfect, why do you lie and look elsewhere for sexual gratification? It's the lying that makes you a shitty person, not the sex.

P.S. My personal beliefs are that not everyone is suited for monogamy and that's OK, I've personally been in non-monogamous relationships. But deception on that scale is absolutely a deal breaker, no matter what it's about.

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[–] septopus 1 point 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

I am not missing that point. My reasoning maintains without the honesty line itemt. People are sometimes dishonest to eachother. Would you end a relationship because someone was dishonest about eating the last cookie? Define the traits of a lie that becomes important enough to throw a relationship away for. To me a lie would need to involve a trespass of consequence that actively worked against me, my goals, my health, or those of my loved ones, or a higher ethical line item. I would dump someone who lied to me about a murder they committed, but I might dump them for the murder.

How good is a person if they lie about something like this? How does one measure that? Well I measure things in terms of how they add value to things. Does the person make people happy? Does they aid in their ascension? Does they come to their aid when needed? Will they fight and die by your side? Those are the traits I value and look for in friends and lovers. If they lie or are deceitful about a sexual relationship with another that does not detract from those other traits. It's a minor shmere on the armor.

I used the word father, but I have seen some awesome mothers who outside of infidelity were loyal partners in all other affairs. How everyione dealt with the infidelity turned them into really shitty people.

There are articles one can search for for the answer to 'why if she is perfect do you want to cheat'.

The reality is that cheating is pretty much the norm in the west. 70%+ in a 1991 study report cheating.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX3Hu8loXTE - is a 'crash course' primer. Humans lie to each other, a lot.

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[–] ValkyrieHerja 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

We lie a lot, and sometimes it's ok...sometimes it's not.

I think lying about sexual relations you have while in a relationship with someone is a deceit that is difficult to forgive. Maybe you're just a more forgiving person than most of us.