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[–] SexMachine 17 points -12 points (+5|-17) ago 

Bullshit. I text, drink, smoke, and all that while driving. I'm a driver extraordinare.

I don't recommend this because I am a rarity it seems, and I have had several run ins with the law while under the influence, but somehow I walked away not in handcuffs.

It started back in high school. Somehow I was just the designated driver, always. It didn't matter if I drove to the party or not, when we were leaving, someone would always pass me the keys. There were times when I would wake up in the morning with a friend's car parked in front of my house, but no friend to be found because I'd dropped them off at home and drove myself home in their car. Every mind altering substance, I still maintained my ability to drive. It didn't matter if it was LSD and a manual transmission, I could drive it.

One time, as an adult, I was drunk as fuck and got pulled over for speeding on the on-ramp to the freeway. The speed limit on the side road was 40mph, while the freeway was 70mph. I got out of the car and argued with the cop how ridiculous his interpretation of the law was, and how he couldn't possibly expect me to enter a freeway with cars traveling at 70mph while only going 40mph. I was yelling at the damn cop until he ripped up the ticket, told me to get the fuck out of there. Then I got back in my car, and was like, holy shit, I'm drunk as fuck, and I just argued my way out of a ticket! Probably helped that I was in uniform at the time.

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[–] RageAgainstTheAmish 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

yo guys look how badass i am aint that tight? sheeeit #whyaintudopelikeme

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[–] SexMachine 5 points -4 points (+1|-5) ago 

Hater.

I'm white, and most of my run ins with the police were while I was in the Army.

This one time, I wasn't driving, I went to my car to sleep it off in the parking lot. Knowing my limits was another thing. Pulled the keys out, put them in the glove box, and went to sleep.

These cops came to fuck with me. Happened before, they'd arrest me, put me in the drunk tank, and then I'd be released in the morning with no charges against me. It was just a pain in the ass, especially when I knew that I was in the right. This time, I almost swung on the cop and didn't go to jail... I was about to cock back to punch this cop, and his partner took me face down to the ground before I even had my first raised. They made me call my sister to come pick me up... I think I would've rather went to jail than deal with her. She was livid.

Having that military ID would get me out of a lot of shit.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] SexMachine 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

Yeah, normally I would be courteous to law enforcement, but sometimes I would be pissed off at their bullshit, and occasionally I have argued my way out of tickets sober or under the influence.

One time, while sober, this cop sped by me going 90mph, so I was like fuck it, I'm speeding too. The asshole pulled me over. I argued with him that he wasn't responding to a call, so he had no reason to be traveling that fast either, and if he, as a member of law enforcement, didn't have to follow the law, than neither should I. He let me go without a ticket.

Another time I argued with a cop, and he still wrote me a fucking ticket. I made a right turn on red, got pulled over, and then the cop points to the "No right turn on red" sign, except the sign was missing the top bolt, and was hanging upside down. I was like, how the fuck are you going to give me a ticket for a fucked up sign?

Oh, I got the ticket dismissed, but I was still pissed that he even wrote the ticket.

I don't ever do anything to get pulled over anymore, so haven't argued with cops in a while. 2011 was the last time I was pulled over.

Only been in 2 accidents. Once when I was 18, my car didn't have anti-lock brakes, and I didn't know to pump the brakes, so I slid into a car. The other time my buddy was too impaired to drive, and I just had eye surgery, so I was just going to drive his car to a parking lot, and I nailed the curb trying to pull in. I couldn't see.

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[–] SparkS 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I'm a driver extraordinare. gtfoutta here :))))))...

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[–] SexMachine 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

True fucking story. Guess bragging on about stuff while on the internet will earn you hate though.

What should I say, "I apologize for being a good driver while under the influence of crack and LSD"? I mean, it's a skill. If you ever get drugged and kidnapped, and you're with me, rest assure, if we escape while we're still drugged, I can drive us to safety. Why is that such a horrible skill to have?