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I've not got male relatives worth a darn (nearly all the living ones are repeated felons or alcoholics) but if my brother in law, my best friends Husband, and my cousin told me I was engaged to someone they disliked or did not trust I'd send him packing straight away. Men understand men better than women can and their opinions matter so much to me
I'm torn on how to form an opinion on my girlfriend's family. We've been dating for the going on 2 years now, and it seems like the only person who can say something nice about me is her dad. He's a very well-educated older man, former military, and has a very successful career as a surgeon. Her mom has been a stay at home mom for the better part of 2 or 3 decades, and her siblings are either lawyers or in the medical field. Consistently, her mother has talked down upon me, called me a Godless man, called me family white trash, and my brother a rapist. Of course, she'll never say it to my face and accuse me of making it all up if I confront her about it. Her brothers aren't much better.
I firmly believe that this is because I come from a very poor family (dad was a construction worker/owner, and mom works at our local school board), and that they believe that my girlfriend could do much better with someone else, such as one of her dad's surgeon colleagues. I'm currently going to school for cyber security and have a successful military career myself, which is why I believe her dad and I get along as tentatively as we do.
Naturally, this puts a strain on our relationship, as she desires to be with someone that will be successful, but also someone that will be well-like by her family. Her siblings are all about 15 years older than her (she's adopted), so I feel like their metrics for success is very skewed, as they seem to believe that I should be where her siblings are right now
[–]21133206?[S]0 points
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That's a tough situation you're in but I do have some questions. How are you learning about this information? Is your girlfriend telling you what her mother and siblings have said? Tell me how you've learned about their feelings and the comments they've made- it's an important componant to your problem.
[+]Sparky1590 points0 points0 points
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[–]Sparky1590 points
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My girlfriend has told me about their feelings, but I initially blew it off because I believe that everyone corrupts information, especially when it's as emotionally-charged as a comment about someone's S/O. However, on one instance, my girlfriend actually recorded the conversation between her and her family (my state is a one-party state), and that is how I came to discover how they really feel about me
Granted, I do believe that my girlfriend has a part to play in all of this, but even her ignorance to the possible outcomes is no excuse for the things that her family has said about me
My mother always told me that you can tell a lot about a man's character by how he treats children, animals, and anyone weaker than he is. I paid attention to these things when I first met my husband. He always liked kids and is incredibly good with babies...my mom calls him the baby whisperer. He was always really gentle with his youngest brother, who is 12 years younger than him and often just seemed like he needed a hand when he was a little kid. He loves animals...watching him play with our new cat just kills me. It's hilarious. He is absolutely a man's man; he's strong, he speaks his mind, he was never one to let a woman push him around (not that I've tried; that's not who I am) or to put us up on a pedestal like a thirsty beta. He provides for his family and he fights for what's right. But he also has a gentler side and that's a healthy thing for a man. It is needed to balance out the inner warrior who would gladly bludgeon a home invader to death. ;)
Mom was right.
And to her list, I would add another thing: you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats people out in public, too. Bank tellers, cashiers, waiters, the kid who brings the newspapers every week...a good man will be courteous to people whose job is to provide him with some kind of service, and he won't domineer them or talk down to them.
Yup. It's why women shouldn't jump into bed with a man on the first date or rush the relationship. Take your time, get to know each other, let him get to know you. Give each other the chance to pass those crucial first tests of moral uprightness and dignity.
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[–] Diggernicks 1 point 2 points 3 points (+3|-1) ago
You're funny.
99% of women are more stubborn than a mule and youd have better luck talking to a brick wall.
Listen lol that's beyond laughable, most think they know better than any man.
[–] 20991948? [S] 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
We used to be taught to listen and adhere to the guidance from the men in our family.
[–] callthehambulance 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I've not got male relatives worth a darn (nearly all the living ones are repeated felons or alcoholics) but if my brother in law, my best friends Husband, and my cousin told me I was engaged to someone they disliked or did not trust I'd send him packing straight away. Men understand men better than women can and their opinions matter so much to me
[–] Sosacms ago
Says the man who knows better ;)
[–] Diggernicks 1 point 0 points 1 point (+1|-1) ago (edited ago)
I didn't say that.
I'm sure you know better than every man in your life though amirate?
Hypocrisy is a helluva drug.
[–] Sparky159 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I'm torn on how to form an opinion on my girlfriend's family. We've been dating for the going on 2 years now, and it seems like the only person who can say something nice about me is her dad. He's a very well-educated older man, former military, and has a very successful career as a surgeon. Her mom has been a stay at home mom for the better part of 2 or 3 decades, and her siblings are either lawyers or in the medical field. Consistently, her mother has talked down upon me, called me a Godless man, called me family white trash, and my brother a rapist. Of course, she'll never say it to my face and accuse me of making it all up if I confront her about it. Her brothers aren't much better.
I firmly believe that this is because I come from a very poor family (dad was a construction worker/owner, and mom works at our local school board), and that they believe that my girlfriend could do much better with someone else, such as one of her dad's surgeon colleagues. I'm currently going to school for cyber security and have a successful military career myself, which is why I believe her dad and I get along as tentatively as we do.
Naturally, this puts a strain on our relationship, as she desires to be with someone that will be successful, but also someone that will be well-like by her family. Her siblings are all about 15 years older than her (she's adopted), so I feel like their metrics for success is very skewed, as they seem to believe that I should be where her siblings are right now
@Empress, what do you believe I should do?
[–] 21133206? [S] ago
That's a tough situation you're in but I do have some questions. How are you learning about this information? Is your girlfriend telling you what her mother and siblings have said? Tell me how you've learned about their feelings and the comments they've made- it's an important componant to your problem.
@Sparky159
[–] Sparky159 ago (edited ago)
My girlfriend has told me about their feelings, but I initially blew it off because I believe that everyone corrupts information, especially when it's as emotionally-charged as a comment about someone's S/O. However, on one instance, my girlfriend actually recorded the conversation between her and her family (my state is a one-party state), and that is how I came to discover how they really feel about me
Granted, I do believe that my girlfriend has a part to play in all of this, but even her ignorance to the possible outcomes is no excuse for the things that her family has said about me
@Empress
[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
My mother always told me that you can tell a lot about a man's character by how he treats children, animals, and anyone weaker than he is. I paid attention to these things when I first met my husband. He always liked kids and is incredibly good with babies...my mom calls him the baby whisperer. He was always really gentle with his youngest brother, who is 12 years younger than him and often just seemed like he needed a hand when he was a little kid. He loves animals...watching him play with our new cat just kills me. It's hilarious. He is absolutely a man's man; he's strong, he speaks his mind, he was never one to let a woman push him around (not that I've tried; that's not who I am) or to put us up on a pedestal like a thirsty beta. He provides for his family and he fights for what's right. But he also has a gentler side and that's a healthy thing for a man. It is needed to balance out the inner warrior who would gladly bludgeon a home invader to death. ;)
Mom was right.
And to her list, I would add another thing: you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats people out in public, too. Bank tellers, cashiers, waiters, the kid who brings the newspapers every week...a good man will be courteous to people whose job is to provide him with some kind of service, and he won't domineer them or talk down to them.
[–] Sosacms 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Time is the best test of any man character.
[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Yup. It's why women shouldn't jump into bed with a man on the first date or rush the relationship. Take your time, get to know each other, let him get to know you. Give each other the chance to pass those crucial first tests of moral uprightness and dignity.