As previously mentioned, a lot has happened during the visit; some good, some bad and much very personal. There have been conversations that transpired that I, as a teen, wouldn't've wanted shared on the internet. Therefore, I'm not going to get into the events and feel it's best to just leave them where they are- in the past. Instead, I'd like to share my mistakes, failures, and what I've learned from this experience.
After the green smoothie incident and having been completely fed up with trying to use a carrot/stick approach, I reached a breaking point. Knocked on her door and asked if I could sit down to with her. She agreed and I let her know that I loved her very much. That the way I show love is by teaching and guiding but that if she doesn't want what it is I have to offer, then she's not forced to stay. Told her that if she chooses to go home that I won't hold it against her, that I know it's hard having your entire world rocked. She seemed relieved. She spoke to her mom and asked if she could try again next summer. Her parents are making her pay for her early flight home.
I acknowledged and apologized for coming on way too strong initially. See, I have this little problem of being way too intense at times and have a reputation for being disciplined. Unfortunately, this part of my personality can leak into my other relationships. Bottom line- people don't like being told what to do or how to think. I should have taken a more gentle approach initially. That being said, taking her phone was very helpful and something I don't regret doing…I just regret the way I did it.
All is not lost. After the blow out fight and tears, I chilled out quite a bit and was just my normal self…the way I behave around my closest friends and family. After dropping the 'Strict Aunt' act, she came around…pretty much immediately. That's when we had normal, productive conversations without heat where I was able to slip in bite-sized red pills. We had many of these little red-pilled conversations over the week she was here. Perhaps I will post about them but I'll do so in a generic form.
My niece boarded the plane home early and decided to continue her sugar detox and fitness routine that she was immersed in while staying with us. Took her shopping for some healthy snacks for the plane ride home. Also took her shopping for a modest yet trendy outfit for school. We left on a pretty good note but everyone was drained.
If you take anything from my experience, please let it be that red-pilling too much and too fast is a terrible approach. Those holding red-pilled opinions have often taken years to get there and gradually found comfort with those ideas. For a newbie, being exposed too fast with too much is just jolting- and not in a good way.
Bottom line: I failed by not bonding with her before challenging her ideas. She tested me and I took the bait. There are many things I've learned about myself during this ordeal and one thing is certain, I have plenty of room for growth and have a lot of thinking to do.
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[–] ledbetter 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Thanks so much for this post. No, you did NOT fail! Teens rebel against everything because they are wholly idealistic and don't have a clue how the world works. Did you consider what she was escaping from when she came to visit you? She had a view of life. You provided a completely different view, which she can not now or ever forget. What she does with it will enhance her development to maturity.
I have a similar situation with a granddaughter who fell off a horse and suffered a brain injury - 7 or 8 years ago. She then compounded her problem by taking a dare to jump off a roof (you see, I had these friends) and her foot/ankle will never fully recover. As a teen, we tend to take chances. I know I did some 60+ years ago. Those that don't kill us, make us stronger, most of the time. My granddaughter has tossed away friends faster than she makes them because she remains in her "know-it-all" state and cannot resist the desire to "help" others with her wisdom and inexperience. Most people resent it.
Now, back to 'you did NOT fail!' (I wanted to let that simmer.) Everyone enjoys what we call successes or wins. Unfortunately, we don't learn much from them, other than sometimes luck happens. Real Learning comes only with PAIN. When you feel emotional pain, the greater it is, the bigger the learning opportunity. Think about those times in your life when you were despondent. What had happened, and what did you do about it? First, you grieved, but later you wondered how you could escape that pain in the future. That is REAL learning. It cuts to the soul, and it's powerful. You never forget those lessons. View emotional pain as a growth opportunity.
SO, you didn't fail, because you LEARNED. You grew. You are bigger than you were. They say you don't quit playing because you grow older, you grow older because you quit playing. I like it, but even better, I prefer -: You get old when you quit learning. You can never stop learning while everyone around you is still learning because then you're effectively going backward.
You have shared some of your learning with us. God Bless you for that and for the experience that brought you to this new level. As you further examine the outcomes, I hope you will continue to share your learnings, although most will not learn as much as you did because learning from the shortcomings of others involves no personal pain. Stand taller. You have reached another rung on the ladder of life. Congratulations!