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[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago 

Very good advice. I had to learn this the hard way. The one man whose opinions and thoughts and feelings you need to consider when picking an outfit is your husband. I wasn't taught that. I was taught as a teen that modesty is about making sure no man anywhere will lust after you or think sexy thoughts about you, that your job is to protect men's fragile minds from the sin-inducing lust-inspiring temptation that is your body. In time I realized that this was an impossible task and grew resentful. Long story short, after making some bad choices with my wardrobe and a couple other things, I realized I'd been missing the point all along. Modesty is not about guarding anyone else's mind. Someone else's thoughts are not known to you and therefore cannot be your responsibility. It's not about protecting men. That was never my job! It is about protecting your own sexuality, keeping yourself from behaving like an attention whore. It's about keeping your own sexuality restrained appropriately so you don't make a fool of yourself, or lead men on, or endanger your reputation, your relationships, or maybe even your safety. And when you are married, your sexuality is inherently tied up with your husband - that side of your nature is to be shared exclusively with him. It's a sacred, beautiful, sensual gift that you two get to share. Being careful about the way you present yourself to the world, both in your clothing choices and in your behaviour toward other men, is how you guard the boundaries of your marriage and protect that gift. It also shows your husband that he can safely trust you! So yeah. I don't worry about whether other men think I'm pretty or not (though I do still feel a stab of guilt if I notice that a guy is looking at me, or if he's even remotely flirtatious! ah, baggage). But I do care very much if my husband thinks that maybe my shorts could be longer, or that my top is too low-cut, and so I've been working on my wardrobe for a couple years, replacing less modest pieces with more modest ones.

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[–] 18951856? [S] 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

DING DING DING DING DING

You, sister...you've got the full understanding. <3

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[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I regret that it had to be learned the hard way instead of getting it right the first time, but at least now my kids can benefit from my experience. And what surprised me was that I didn't have to sacrifice my sense of style in order to look appropriately modest.

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[–] Broc_Lia ago 

Very well said.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] 18949572? [S] 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

Once you break the trust in a relationship, it’s gone forever.

Truth. Tell your husband everything. If you find yourself kind of crushing on someone, that means something isn't right within your marriage. Talk to your husband about it! Let him know how you're feeling and that you recognize it's a warning sign so that the two of you can talk and figure it out together. We're only human and crushes happen but it's how you and your spouse deal with these kind of things that either build or break trust.

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[–] callthehambulance 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

This is so true and it's such a healthy way to manage this. It's not about pretending these things don't happen, because they do. But it's far better to get it out in the open and discuss it. I'd be willing to bet that people's reaction to ignore it and not think about it causes far more issues than it solves

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[–] BlackGrapeDrank 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

great post Empress.

it's very sad to say it's extremely difficult to find these qualities in younger women today. with smart phones and social media and all the jew garbage on TV. women are always sexualizing themselves for validation.

sad.

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[–] 0fsgivin 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

And the flip side of this is your husband should not be flirting with other women in front of you. And really AT ALL. He should be seeking to avoid potentially inappropriate situations as well even in private.

Now be careful projecting those feelings. But...that said. If he is being inappropriate even in an innocent way. Expectations go both ways.

You should not be embarrassing him in public. Nor should he you.

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[–] Notanig 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I agree, in my eyes, sending a flirtatious message to another woman is cheating. If a woman or a man is able to do that when they are in a committed relationship, they are not really committed whatsoever. I would feel disgusted in myself if I did that and if he ever forgave me I would feel extremely depressed for how disloyal I would have been. I don't think that is over protective at all. In fact, you have to protect what you have. If you truly love and adore your partner, you would not look at another person in that way, that thought would not even cross your mind.

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[–] someblonde 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Your feminine softness, tenderness, and sensual passion belong to your husband- he owns that. Your husband's protective, sensual and sexual aspects of his masculinity belong to you- you own that. DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE!!!

Love this. So true. I think it's easier for people to say "well don't flirt or cheat" but they don't realize the ease in which we can betray our spouses and damage our relationships. Make sure you're never giving away parts of yourself that belong to your spouse. It's hard to come back from that, for both parties, and just because modern society normalizes it DOES NOT make it normal.

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[–] Alienbaby51 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Thank you for explaining this. It’s been tough for me to figure out these traditional views on modesty and I’ve had it all wrong for a while, this really helped me understand.

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[–] happycutie 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I love this post. I hope modesty makes a big comeback.

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