[–] Empress 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

First, thank you. Second, I so feel your pain. All but one of my SILs are trad which really helps but they don't live near me so we keep up on the phone or by email and I cherish the time we are able to visit in person. As far as FB goes, I know exactly what you're talking about and I just can't do it any longer. My local friends are always chomping at the bit to vaccinate their kids from everything imaginable and their kids are constantly sick with ear infections and have quite a few food allergies (enough to be a nuisance when I entertain them). It wouldn't bother me so much if they didn't bash on moms who lightly vaxxed or abstained entirely (I mean, is it really a terrible idea to wait until your child can effectively communicate to help determine if they're having a reaction?). I'm still hoping my kids will catch Chicken Pox naturally but my understanding is that it's become increasingly difficult to find it in the wild. May end up having to give them that one if they don't catch it naturally by the time they're 12 or so...it's deadly in adults.

 

As far as moms complaining about being moms yeah, I get it. The ones that really bug me are the ones who constantly talk about their need for 'mommy juice'. Ugh. I get having a bad day with the kids (teething can be brutal) but cannot tell you how much I enjoy introducing my kids to new foods that I cooked for them and new music, sights, smells...I get so much pleasure seeing them experience something for the first time. Even if it's them just learning how to clap their hands together or hearing them laugh when I blow bubbles for them. A big problem is a lack of support for moms and unfortunately, a lot of men want their women to work for whatever God forsaken reason.

So yeah- I get what you're saying 100%. At least we have this little corner of the internet to commiserate. <3

[–] Dinosaurium 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I'm still on FB, But I dont have. anyone added on my friends list, I just follow gardening, cooking and cleaning pages. I tried joining a few traditional wife type groups, .... but. they were lacking. I wish. there was a safe way all us ladies could connect and support each other on a social media platform other then a forum. Id love to see little snippets from others Tradlifes. I also tried Instagram but the hate was real and I wasnt comfortable share pictures of my family there.

[–] ErrorHasNoRights 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I wish I had friends like my friends older sister (the real life @Empress) to hang out with. There is a lot of mums who while (mostly) love their babies, don't love being a mum, and I can't relate to that at all. Don't even get me started on the public verbal husband bashing.

Try to find a good Latin Mass in the area and then meet up at some of their social gatherings.

[–] whatdaheck 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Just curious, what makes Latin Mass different? I’m a Christian but have never heard of it before.

[–] ErrorHasNoRights 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

It's mostly people who are not only traditional and live by the old ways, but also people who are more likely to think outside the zeitgeist, and not succumb to the common attitudes of the day.

[–] OneOfTheBoys [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

There are no churches close to me of my denomination, and I would feel uncomfortable going to another denomination (also no Latin masses). Maybe I should suck it up and do the travel.

[–] ErrorHasNoRights 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

When I started going to the Latin Mass I just kind of hung out in the back where the pews were empty, relaxed and observed for a few years. Of course I think I was hooked after only two weeks or so. But I knew what I was getting into at the time.

Now I have to drive 40 minutes each way but still try to make it 4-5 times a week. The drive can be a chore but it's worth it.

[–] Empress 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

That's the way my husband's parents did it when they were growing up. They lived an hour away from church and made a day of it and always stopping for lunch <3

[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

This and so many other reasons are why I stepped away from mommy forums when my kids were very small. It just got to be too much. Everyone was always so offended about everything - and dare I say it,but the working moms who fed their babies formula were the worst for that. They felt under attack from every single opinion and statement. Once I mentioned that I loved breastfeeding because it was so sweet to hold my baby and look into her eyes and run my free hand over her fluffy hair, and just enjoy the closeness, and some insecure mombie asked me if that means that formula-feeding moms don't know what that kind of closeness is like and how very insensitive it was for me to say such a horrible thing. LOL I don't know what I said in reply but I do know it was sarcastic.Another time I got chewed out because they were talking about what parenting methods people used - Dr. Sears? the Pearls? etc. - and I said I use the "_______ and ________ method" (my kids' first names). Apparently that made me a stuck-up bitch who thinks I and my snowflake children are entirely to special for everyone else. What the actual heck. It's just ridiculous out there. The Mommy Wars are a real thing. All that female sexual jealousy that propels pubescent and teenage girls, and single women, to be competitive and snotty needs somewhere to go once women have been locked down and have babies, and so it finds a vent in trashing another mother's choices. There are, of course, some things that are good ideas and others that are bad ideas where parenting is concerned: breastfeeding is healthier than formula, circumcision is not medically needed for almost any male ever, and childhood obesity is a sign that your kids eats like crap. But honestly, people freak out over everything; they're worried that they aren't being good enough mothers, and I think that's what makes them lash out at other moms. They're putting someone else down to try and make themselves feel like they're not a failure because they are sure that they are. It's sad. But you can't fix it so it's always best to just stay away.

And yes, pro-vaccine posts are of course the norm in all those places. Someone - I wonder who? - has really ratcheted up the vax fear to an 11 these days. 15 years ago when I was a brand-new mom, it was common for people not to vaccinate fully or at all, and most people didn't get so heated about it, not like they do now. Now everyone is utterly terrified that their child will die, or your child will kill him, and it's just bizarre. They think they know all about it because their doctor told them to vaccinate, and now they're experts too because they listened; but most people don't know anything about what these diseases are actually like, what the mortality and morbidity rates are, what their odds of infection vs. complication are as compared to the odds of an adverse reaction to the vaccine, etc. Nobody does any reading or asks any questions, and like crabs in a bucket, if you do they will tear you down. Don't let them get to you. You still have the right to make that choice for your child. I like to ask them how they feel about abortion since they are apparently okay with forcing others to do things with their bodies even though they don't want to. Bodily autonomy, unless we're talking about the 50-some odd vaxes we pump into children here in Canada before they go to kindergarten.

[–] OneOfTheBoys [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

So much yes to everything you said! Yeah I've stopped commenting for the most part, but I still read. I stopped after I got into a thing where a few piled on me because I spoke out as the lone voice of objection when everyone was all "fed is best" - like WTAF, who is saying "breastmilk or starve!" also if I give a newborn a chocolate milkshake is that "best" too? I put it more poiletly than that but my main issue was them saying people shouldn't give tips on breastfeeding when they say they are having trouble as it might just be impossible and they should use formula guilt free, and one of the tips (eating oats for supply) was something that was the difference between doctors saying I had to use formula and fully breastfeeding.

Mummy wars are real. I try not judge, give people the benefit of the doubt and be helpful. Nobody is the perfect mum, I really believe "good enough" is enough, strive for prefection but settle with realistic expectations so you don't end up a different kind of crap mum.

I just get annoyed with the crabs. I want to know when there is a better way. I'm happy to listen to alternative strategies and can entertain ideas without accepting them and changing when I learn new information. I don't understand the doubling down stuff.

[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I stopped after I got into a thing where a few piled on me because I spoke out as the lone voice of objection when everyone was all "fed is best" - like WTAF, who is saying "breastmilk or starve!"

Yeah. It's frustrating how hard it can be to have a conversation with a group of moms - or really, even just a group of women in general - about anything even remotely controversial or sensitive. People take everything as if you personally insulted them and everything is about feelings. Why can't we just have an honest discussion about why breastmilk is the ideal food for babies? Why do we have to pad that with a hundred soothing reassurances that formula moms are just as good at mothering? It's ridiculous. I've noticed that this is far more pronounced with liberal-minded women - they are far harder to talk to than conservative ones, almost always. They claim to be more open-minded but often they're far more fragile and emotional and sensitive than their allegedly close-minded conservative counterparts.

[–] netfluff 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I think women are looking to rationally justify the denial of their biological imperative to be with their young. I saw a study a few weeks ago that showed mothers who knew they would return to work did not form as strong attachments to their newborns in order to lessen the pain of separation later on. (I'm searching my history for the source and will update this comment once I find it. Jewgle makes it hard to find anything that isn't pro-working-mothers.)

[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I knew a woman at church when I was growing up. Her sister struggled to get pregnant only to wind up having twins. She put them in daycare when they were 3 months old. That's sad enough, but what was worse was that in order to prepare them for their daycare experience, she held them much less and wouldn't let others hold them much either. "They have to get used to not being held all the time " was her explanation. How sad for those babies! 3 months old is still so tiny.