[–] Redpills_Beyond 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Having a child is truly, TRULY life changing. Seriously. You hear everyone say it, but until it happens to you, you have no idea.

What has having a child done for me, personally?

-Quit smoking cigarettes after 20 years of pack+ a day smoking. I still vape, but I'm working on that too.

-Lost 55 lbs and got into the best shape of my life. Still pushing, but I am lighter now than I was when I entered college. That is a win.

-Seriously updated my priorities. No longer are video games and TV my priority, as they had been for so long being 'just married' - having a kid shifts ALL of that, and the important stuff smacks you in the face, leaving this bullshit out of your life for good

-A renewed committment to my wife, and our marriage. As a product of divorce, with an asshole of a step mother, I know just how hard it can be on kids. I ended up OK overall, but still have some deep psychological issues that I deal with on the daily - usually by masking them with cannabis. Hey, at least I'm not drinking 12 beers a night anymore.

-Overall more positive outlook on life. I stopped reading strictly political news, stopped arguing with fuckwads on Facebook, and overall, just enjoy my life more.

There are also negatives, and new worries that come with becoming a parent. But those are FAR outweighed by all of the positives.

[–] beefartist 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Please accept my gratitude and kudos...you are taking for granted improvements that you make that plenty of people have not and will not do. you sound like you are on the motherfucking path! I work nights and don't sleep enough and use beer and cannabis as performance enhancing drugs but I am working on cutting back (mostly to save money). I would like to rehab a really old knee injury (I feel it know when I get too fat or too skinny...at least I am on the skinny part) and then get back to training martial arts in order to improve the lives of local young men. May I ask where your religious history lies and where your trajectory is currently?

[–] Redpills_Beyond 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Thank you for the kind words. And I do feel like I am taking these changes kind of for granted - even though some of them (all of them?) were INCREDIBLY tough to get to the point of WANTING to make that change, and equally tough to actually follow through and make the change. I do feel like I am on the path.

Night shift has got to be tough - I've never had to do that. If you're looking for time to work out, let me recommend FIRST thing in the morning (or whenever the hell you wake up). It's the only time that other priorities don't get in the way - at least for me. If you need to, get up an extra hour early so you can get a workout in. I simply use an incline bench and two dumbells - you don't need a big financial investment to start working out. Many people just walk as their workout - thats free! Also, DIET is much more important than exercise - look up CICO (though it sounds like you're already skinny!) if you need to lose [or even gain] weight.

I too want to start getting into giving back to the community - not even financially, which I already do, but in a more of a mentorship role, where I can help young men learn from the plethora of mistakes I made throughout my life. I live in a small rural area, so opportunities to do so are not very plentiful. But I do plan to find some - even if thats volunteering to coach a local sports team, or something similar.

As far as religion goes - I am not quite an atheist- I believe in a higher power - but I am not necessarily a big believer in scripture, either. Strange you ask - because as the abortion debate has flared back up, and now that I'm a new-ish parent (kid turns 1 soon) I've gotten into some conversations with folks about abortion, and a few old friends have reached out asking about my religious beliefs too. Just a strange coincidence. But back to my religion story - I have only been inside a church maybe 20 times in my 30+ years on this earth - that includes funerals, weddings (and their rehearsals), fundraisers, and a few church services. I was recently baptized with my child, but have not been back to the church since. I often times think about going to church, but never do. Perhaps that would also help me to identify mentorship opportunities where I could help others.

Thanks again for the kind words and taking the time to reply!

[–] netfluff 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

First time mom to a beautiful 4 month old girl, and I can't agree more. My world is totally different now. It's so difficult to communicate to childless friends and relatives how life-changing having a baby is. It's a blessing and a lot of work.

[–] Redpills_Beyond 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Congratulations, enjoy the ride!!

[–] Empress [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

-A renewed committment to my wife, and our marriage.

This has been a huge one for me and my husband. The marital problems that we'd just become accustomed to ignoring over the years finally had to be truly addressed. We both want nothing more than to have our kids witness a healthy and loving relationship between their parents. <3

[–] Redpills_Beyond 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I love to hear this. I always told myself as a kid, I'd never get married until I "knew" - and once I did, I'd never get a divorce.

Regardless of what happens between the wife and I, I am feeling very secure in saying, we'll be together AT LEAST until our kids are grown - likely much, much longer.

Here's to you and your continued marital and parental success!

[–] VicariousJambi 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

You should be the person you want your kids to be. How are they supposed to know what a good marriage is if you don't work to have one?

[–] FSHLLtOW 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

This deserves so much more than an upvote!!!

[–] edistojim 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

You are an example, act like it.

[–] Hippie_Housewife 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Oh, what a beautiful shot - she's looking at the baby, he's looking at her...just gorgeous. And this is very solid advice! Kids rely on us to be the foundation for their world. Breaking up a marriage breaks children; it should be avoided unless you're dealing with something terribly serious like violence. Besides that, though, a rock-solid marriage is so much more enjoyable for us, too! It's really satisfying to have that spark of passion and that depth of friendship with the person you had kids with.

[–] zxcvzxcv 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

There are so many bright and wonderful subs on voat, but as always, this sub is one of those that shines the brightest.

[–] Empress [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Thank you for that high praise. This place truly does have a lot of great goats. <3

[–] [deleted] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 


[–] beefartist 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

It really doesn't but it sure doesn't hurt if your community is a good one.

[–] beefartist 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

It is hard not to sound like a condescending prick to people who don't have kids (and a cruel prick to people who can't)...but you literally don't have a fucking clue until you bring life into the world and take true responsibility for it.

[–] callthehambulance 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Those of us who can't. we actually do because we're all the more keenly aware of what we cannot have or do (and the accompanying sense of crippling failure which goes with that helps some too).