I've made some mistakes during my marriage and have a bit of a character flaw in that I can be a perfectionist at times. Being a perfectionist in and of itself isn't the worst thing, but it's pretty bad when this trait starts to bleed over into other people's lives. It can and has become controlling- at least in my marriage.
I married an absolutely incredible man who is kind, handsome, and smart. Would say he was the pick of the litter but all his siblings are really great, too. We are also very different people. While I would prefer and afternoon of tennis, he'd rather read a good book or just lounge a bit to help recover from his work week. I've given him a lot of grief over the years about these differences and couldn't understand why he couldn't find relaxation in a more active lifestyle.
My behavior has been counter productive and really hasn't helped improve anything at all. All it has done is tell him that on some level that I don't love him as he is...rather, I love his future perfect self. This wasn't my intention and it surely isn't how I feel.
I now realize that I need to learn how to love my husband better and more gently. I also need to come to terms with the fact that my way of loving (which in part is pushing people to be their best) comes off as harsh and controlling. Fortunately, once something is noticed and realized, change can be made for the better...all this time I was trying to change him when I'm the one who needed to change.
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[–] 17245626? [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
You're exactly right.
Edit: Also, thank you <3