She's very frustrated with her husband and can't understand why he's 'completely' checked out. After she complained for about 20 minutes straight (I tend not to entertain anyone bitching about their husband in front of me...made an exception) I asked her if I could be honest with her and she agreed.
Told her that what was happening was very common and then started to break it down for her. Went ahead and started listing examples of times she'd undermined her husband's authority in the home and in front of the kids- was easy to do as it happens often. She's Christian so I reminded her of the family order, God>Husband>Wife>Children and said that she's been competing for alpha position within the home going on 20 years now and that her husband is now emasculated and doesn't want to fight anymore. Full shut down mode. Then she started bitching again and I firmly asked her to stop, that I wasn't interested. I'm find discussing solutions but not interested in talking in circles.
After some more discussion about why a man must be king of his castle I gave her the 30 day challenge where other women have found success. The idea is to not criticize, condemn, or complain for 30 days. In front of the children, ask permission from him about even mundane things usually taken for granted "Honey, is it okay if I run to the store real quick". Any simple or complex decisions being made make a point of asking him his decision in front of the children and gracefully accept it even when you think it's wrong. No eye rolls or sighs, please- that will just be more of the same old undermining habitual behavior.
Since a behavioral pattern has been set, he's still going to be in dismissive, checked out, or snarky mode and his actions and comments may reflect that. This is when you act like it doesn't bother you one bit- just let it roll right off your back and give him kindness and sweetness in return. Make him a cup of tea with a little snack for no reason. The stuff you did for him while dating- do that.
Do this for 30 days and you'll see things turn around. After a month of consistently behaving this way when you have an issue with him, wait till the kids go to bed and gently and sweetly mention it in private, never in front of the kids.
This method works if done consistently and everyone becomes a lot happier and feels more appreciation and love.
Edit: forgot to mention that the kids have started disrespecting dad recently which is why things are coming to a head.
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[–] 14929839? [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
YES!!!
Isn't it wonderful to see such quick results? I've never known anyone who did the challenge earnestly to not see a difference quickly. My mom always said to make things his idea- that marriage is much smoother when that happens.