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[–] TeranNotTerran 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

Completely agree. If you won't say it to your spouse, don't say it to anyone else. If you can't do that for whatever reason, you shouldn't have married.

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[–] Palindromedan 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I think a lot of women (mostly) are too chicken shit to talk to their spouse and so they just complain to everyone else until they just let it go or it festers and becomes a big argument.

Most of these types only complain when they have a problem, but the audience they complain to aren’t around to hear all the good things the person does. So it just creates a continuous negative image in the mind of the person listening.

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[–] i_scream_trucks 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

talk to you man first you give him first chance at doing the right fucking thing about it. ive missed out on that a couple of times now and there is nothing that pisses me off more.

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[–] cyclops1771 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

I have to agree - all of my siblings talk to the parental units about their spouses - THIS happened, and she did THAT, or I asked for one thing, and HE did nothing! Constant complaining and incessant venting about their LIFE PARTNER to others.

My wife and I do not have a perfect marriage by any stretch of the imagination, but within the family, everyone assumes we do, because we do not talk about each other to others.

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[–] daskapitalist 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Well put. It's one thing to ask a trusted friend who's not emotionally invested for advice on something before bringing it up with your partner, but it needs to be constructive and used as a reality check rather than just whining or looking for sympathy.

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[–] gazillions 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

When the couple makes up, the mouthy one usually resents everyone she mouthed off to. Bad feelings linger, and you end up being on the receiving end of animosity because you know too much about their past woes. They can't present an ideal image as long as you're friends.

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[–] Beaversquats14 [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

This is exactly what happens and just one more reason to not engage spouse bashers.

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[–] Ashra 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Thankfully I learned this in my late teens/early twenties. People only remember the bad stories you tell them, and make judgements on your partner that are near impossible for them to forget. Luckily, I have a great partner and there is hardly anything to complain about, but when we were young and did have our growing to do it was important that friends and family were not privy to all our imperfections.

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[–] thebearfromstartrack 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Good advice. MOST women (non traditional) don't follow that AT ALL. Not with spouses, brothers, sons, you NAME it! They cannot be trusted. They are "hurt" when you tell them that, even angry and get vindictive. SHeesh. MOST women these days SUCK at being women! Godless, spoiled, selfish, vapid, delusional. "I do EVERYTHING for you!"...."You OWE me!"....disgusting.

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[–] i_scream_trucks 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

man wish i could show you guys the fucking shit ive been through for the last 30 years.... its seriously no wonder i was so fucked up for so long. didnt realise all the shit parts of my personality, the parts that destroy shit and hurt other people, all come back to how im treated in my own family, then attract similar women, and end up copping it in relationships as well. I have zero chance of getting that traditional second chance with someone that was once on an amazing wavelength from me which sucks big time but the fact ive removed 30 years of cancer kinda makes me feel like all hope for me isnt quite as lost as i once thought ;) - now if i could just figure out what it is that gives these idiot women the idea that im good for breaking up with one guy for me (seriously, last time around i first joked, then told her not to fucking do it, then found out months later she had done exactly that... if they will break up with a dude to be with you, they will break up with you to be with another dude) - then i could maybe start applying that to women that appear interested in me :P

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[–] IggyReilly 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I have a question for you: What did you do to remove the cancer? I am asking because my boyfriend has a very toxic family. We live in a small town and we don't have many friends here (all moved away after college), so we spend most of our free time with his family, which brings him and I both down (my family is states away).

He has talked about spending less time with them, but family is also important to him, so he's torn. Any suggestions?

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[–] YoHomie 3 points 4 points (+7|-3) ago 

Ex-wife bashing, on the other hand, is one of the few great pleasures that come with a divorce.

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[–] AR47 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

Not really.

Why sink to that level and dwell upon it?

Just move on learn from the mistake and don’t repeat.

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[–] YoHomie 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Where's the fun in that after you've been burned by a black-dick loving whore who was chipped out of the Antarctic ice and thawed out before releasing the energy of one million bitches from hell upon my life?

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[–] GoatsnHoes1 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I have a question about this. My boyfriend and I are having problems and he is mad and won't talk to me about things rationally. If I cannot talk to anyone about this, what am I to do? I am new to having a relationship and, as much as I follow you ladies' posts, I still do not know how to react in many situations. It would be helpful to have a friend who is more experienced in love to talk to but I do not want to spouse bash. Any advice?

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[–] OneOfTheBoys 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I am not a counsellor, so take my advice with a large heaping of salt.

There are lots of resources online (catholic ones are great even if you're atheist because it avoids the SJW mentality of "Something bad happened? Just dump him!".

Try to always act with grace. It is you two again the problem not you Vs him. Remember what you did wrong first and seek forgiveness and repent (might be doing something extra special for him) before addressing his (perceived?) misdeed(s), it doesn't matter how little wrong you did, you probably have something to atone for (we all make mistakes too often).

Then when he is in a good mood you can ask why he acted as he did, tell him the consequences of those actions (i.e. he made you look stupid in front of friends, not ultimatums) and how it the actions made you feel.

I find after talking it through, husband was often right, so I try to go in with that mentality even if the opposite is blindingly obvious.

The key though is to get you both to a good place emotionally before discussing the problem. As you said when he is mad he won't talk to you about things rationally.

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[–] GoatsnHoes1 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Thank you so much this is good stuff!

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