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[–] Nicodares 0 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Hi, Three months is hard, but you can do it.

As background: My wife and I have been married for roughly 9 years, we were both in school and had to be separated for about 8 months, where I would stay with her parents and go to school while she would stay by herself and go to school. We had a three year old and she went with me. We just had another similar incident where I have been with her parents for 2 months with our child because she has to finish her PHD. I know it is not the same, but there are similar challenges. The most important thing is to stay in contact as much as feasibly possible. Skype can be a godsend in this regard.

I have seen the posts saying get in better shape, plan some surprise for him, etc. but ultimately, if he is not on a sub the most important factor is that you can still stay in contact through some means. Call as often as possible, he can still read bed time stories to the kids over the phone, still be involved in your lives throughout his time away. Stay positive for the kids, tell them the truth, daddy isn't here right now because he loves you, he has to do things to make sure that you can have a good life, he is doing the best that he can and sometimes it isn't necessarily what we would want. With regard to the marital things, plan something, not necessarily a surprise, but maybe find a baby sitter for the day after he comes back so you can have an evening to yourselves, get in some quality time just the two of you. Let him know in advance so he has something to look forward to.

There isn't really a hell of a lot that you have to do other than gut it out. I know that it can be hard, and being alone with two kids can be a trial, but family is a good resource for a little bit of respite if you can swing it. If not, a friend or colleague might be able to watch the kids for a few hours, enough to let you relax a bit and unwind with friends.

You can do this if you set your mind to it, after all there isn't much choice otherwise. The most important thing is to think of the kids, and how you want them to understand that sometimes daddy has work away, but its because he loves you all so much that he is willing to go through it to provide for you. Your toddler has to understand, daddy will be back, he loves her more than anything, but he also wants the best for her, and she should be a good girl and do her best to make him proud while he is away.

There is really not much more to say. I wish you the best of luck and hope that your relationship can become stronger for the trials you face. There is an expression: I asked god for strength so he gave me trials to make me stronger, remember this and you will do well.

*Edited for paragraph breaks, hopefully. Holy wall of text batman


[–] Nietzsche__ 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Reading stories to the kids is a good idea. You could get 2 copies of the same collection of children's stories so they could see what he's reading.


[–] Vvswiftvv17 [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Thank you. I appreciate that you adressed my real concerns. It appears a lot of peoole misinterpreted this to imply sex. I was thinking in terms of managing a home and raising children with a father gone so much. You addressed this. I was starting to get really annoyed with all the terrible responses.