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[–]9280569?0 points
16 points
16 points
(+16|-0)
ago
A work associate of mine is Shia Muslim, here in the US from Iraq. We're friendly and get along well. He loves the US, loves that he can live here free of danger because back home in Iraq he's the "wrong kind of muslim," loves that people are friendly to him regardless of his religion, ethnicity, etc.
But his wife is quite literally a slave. They like each other, sure, but she can't go anywhere on her own unless she is supervised and has permission, she must be fully covered when she leaves the house (hands and face show, but she wears long sleeves, socks under her sandles, and a hijab in the summer), she washes his clothes by hand and spends the entire day cooking and cleaning, waiting for him in the house so she can go out to the store or her English lessons. When I eat dinner at their home (and she is an amazing cook oh my goodness), she serves us and then herself, and after dinner literally sits at his feet unless he barks an order at her for something else. It's a strange dynamic.
I think he has created some kind of mental loophole where he thinks of western women like myself as a different entity. We work together and speak together as men, because if he thought of me as a woman, we couldn't work on projects.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't wait on my SO. I love to cook and host dinner parties, and on regular days I still cook and serve him his food, clean up, etc., but I do it because I choose to and because I love him and respect him, and he has his own responsibilities. I have my own work, my own friends, speak to who I want, go where I want, and don't need permission to do things.
There is a difference between being a partner and being a slave. So to answer your question: No. Even after seeing first hand happy marriages between moderate muslims I can say with all certainty that, regardless of religious reasons, I would never consider marrying a Muslim man.
[–]Le_Squish0 points
6 points
6 points
(+6|-0)
ago
I think he has created some kind of mental loophole where he thinks of western women like myself as a different entity.
I've experienced this kind of disconnect when I worked with Japanese nationals. I was treated many times better than their own women and it boggled my mind.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't wait on my SO. I love to cook and host dinner parties, and on regular days I still cook and serve him his food, clean up, etc., but I do it because I choose to and because I love him and respect him, and he has his own responsibilities. I have my own work, my own friends, speak to who I want, go where I want, and don't need permission to do things.
There is a difference between being a partner and being a slave.
I think you hit the nail on the head. My husband has certain expectations of me as a wife. He expects loyalty, faithfulness, honesty. He expects me to contribute to our household financially (since we don't have children) and he expects my help and support in all areas of our lives.
He does not expect me to act as a servant to him. I often do serve him as an expression of my love for him but he didn't marry me because he wanted me to be his cook/maid/concubine. He married me so that he could have me as a partner. It's a different dynamic when you are expected and required to be a servant than when you choose to be a helpmate.
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[–] 9280569? 0 points 16 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago
A work associate of mine is Shia Muslim, here in the US from Iraq. We're friendly and get along well. He loves the US, loves that he can live here free of danger because back home in Iraq he's the "wrong kind of muslim," loves that people are friendly to him regardless of his religion, ethnicity, etc.
But his wife is quite literally a slave. They like each other, sure, but she can't go anywhere on her own unless she is supervised and has permission, she must be fully covered when she leaves the house (hands and face show, but she wears long sleeves, socks under her sandles, and a hijab in the summer), she washes his clothes by hand and spends the entire day cooking and cleaning, waiting for him in the house so she can go out to the store or her English lessons. When I eat dinner at their home (and she is an amazing cook oh my goodness), she serves us and then herself, and after dinner literally sits at his feet unless he barks an order at her for something else. It's a strange dynamic.
I think he has created some kind of mental loophole where he thinks of western women like myself as a different entity. We work together and speak together as men, because if he thought of me as a woman, we couldn't work on projects.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't wait on my SO. I love to cook and host dinner parties, and on regular days I still cook and serve him his food, clean up, etc., but I do it because I choose to and because I love him and respect him, and he has his own responsibilities. I have my own work, my own friends, speak to who I want, go where I want, and don't need permission to do things.
There is a difference between being a partner and being a slave. So to answer your question: No. Even after seeing first hand happy marriages between moderate muslims I can say with all certainty that, regardless of religious reasons, I would never consider marrying a Muslim man.
[–] Le_Squish 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
I've experienced this kind of disconnect when I worked with Japanese nationals. I was treated many times better than their own women and it boggled my mind.
[–] lastditchtryforaname 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I think you hit the nail on the head. My husband has certain expectations of me as a wife. He expects loyalty, faithfulness, honesty. He expects me to contribute to our household financially (since we don't have children) and he expects my help and support in all areas of our lives.
He does not expect me to act as a servant to him. I often do serve him as an expression of my love for him but he didn't marry me because he wanted me to be his cook/maid/concubine. He married me so that he could have me as a partner. It's a different dynamic when you are expected and required to be a servant than when you choose to be a helpmate.