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[–]9280569?0 points
16 points
16 points
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ago
A work associate of mine is Shia Muslim, here in the US from Iraq. We're friendly and get along well. He loves the US, loves that he can live here free of danger because back home in Iraq he's the "wrong kind of muslim," loves that people are friendly to him regardless of his religion, ethnicity, etc.
But his wife is quite literally a slave. They like each other, sure, but she can't go anywhere on her own unless she is supervised and has permission, she must be fully covered when she leaves the house (hands and face show, but she wears long sleeves, socks under her sandles, and a hijab in the summer), she washes his clothes by hand and spends the entire day cooking and cleaning, waiting for him in the house so she can go out to the store or her English lessons. When I eat dinner at their home (and she is an amazing cook oh my goodness), she serves us and then herself, and after dinner literally sits at his feet unless he barks an order at her for something else. It's a strange dynamic.
I think he has created some kind of mental loophole where he thinks of western women like myself as a different entity. We work together and speak together as men, because if he thought of me as a woman, we couldn't work on projects.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't wait on my SO. I love to cook and host dinner parties, and on regular days I still cook and serve him his food, clean up, etc., but I do it because I choose to and because I love him and respect him, and he has his own responsibilities. I have my own work, my own friends, speak to who I want, go where I want, and don't need permission to do things.
There is a difference between being a partner and being a slave. So to answer your question: No. Even after seeing first hand happy marriages between moderate muslims I can say with all certainty that, regardless of religious reasons, I would never consider marrying a Muslim man.
[–]Le_Squish0 points
6 points
6 points
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I think he has created some kind of mental loophole where he thinks of western women like myself as a different entity.
I've experienced this kind of disconnect when I worked with Japanese nationals. I was treated many times better than their own women and it boggled my mind.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't wait on my SO. I love to cook and host dinner parties, and on regular days I still cook and serve him his food, clean up, etc., but I do it because I choose to and because I love him and respect him, and he has his own responsibilities. I have my own work, my own friends, speak to who I want, go where I want, and don't need permission to do things.
There is a difference between being a partner and being a slave.
I think you hit the nail on the head. My husband has certain expectations of me as a wife. He expects loyalty, faithfulness, honesty. He expects me to contribute to our household financially (since we don't have children) and he expects my help and support in all areas of our lives.
He does not expect me to act as a servant to him. I often do serve him as an expression of my love for him but he didn't marry me because he wanted me to be his cook/maid/concubine. He married me so that he could have me as a partner. It's a different dynamic when you are expected and required to be a servant than when you choose to be a helpmate.
Pakistani born - immigrated to Canada when I was 3-4. In a lot of culturally backwards parts of the middle east, I'd say you'd be correct. Although in my experience with my family that hasn't really been a problem. I have many aunts and uncles who have solid marriages where both parties work and have careers. Granted my family assimilated really well, but for the most part if the husband in the marriage starts to mistreat his wife, the whole extended family hears about it and ends up shaming him.
My advice is to see if the man interprets Islam with a rational and compassionate lens or just listens to some of the radical islamic propaganda that gets spread around in muslim communities. Lmao that's just my two cents, lmk if you have any questions
[+]Le_Squish0 points10 points10 points
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(edited ago)
[–]Le_Squish0 points
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Muslim men have no tradition of respecting their wives as partners and help meets. Their relationships with women are at best adversarial and unnatural.
[–]GreenPeas0 points
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The Qur'an describes a pretty sweet deal for women getting married. You get a gift of money when you get married from your husband, any money you make is yours while your husband is supposed to pay for all household needs, he is obligated to protect you and care for you and when their prophet described corporal punishment for women he depicted a method that made it impossible to hurt or even use force against your wife. In fact the hijab was instituted because men are believed to be incapable of controlling their sexual urges, unlike women. Your husband also wasn't allowed to take on additional wives without his first wife's permission.
Anyway no Muslim guy actually practices marriage the way his religion tells him to. I've been their friends, even dated them and seen friends marry them. I do not recommend it for a Western girl. If the guy isn't practicing they're awesome to hang out with, but they can switch back to being fundies at any time and usually do once they are in their mid 30's.
Also you should be trying to save your own race and culture, not interbreeding with people who are technically interlopers who seek to destroy your civilization. Dafuq are you even suggesting here?
Islamic marriage is nothing like Christian marriage. I'd be interested to know what you find similar, because I'm hard-pressed to find any similarities at all (besides the woman being expected to submit-- which in Christianity is of her own accord, and it is not the husband's job to punish her-- and have a servant's heart, which of course, in Christianity, is an expectation of ALL followers, which may be true of Islam as well).
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[–] 9280569? 0 points 16 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago
A work associate of mine is Shia Muslim, here in the US from Iraq. We're friendly and get along well. He loves the US, loves that he can live here free of danger because back home in Iraq he's the "wrong kind of muslim," loves that people are friendly to him regardless of his religion, ethnicity, etc.
But his wife is quite literally a slave. They like each other, sure, but she can't go anywhere on her own unless she is supervised and has permission, she must be fully covered when she leaves the house (hands and face show, but she wears long sleeves, socks under her sandles, and a hijab in the summer), she washes his clothes by hand and spends the entire day cooking and cleaning, waiting for him in the house so she can go out to the store or her English lessons. When I eat dinner at their home (and she is an amazing cook oh my goodness), she serves us and then herself, and after dinner literally sits at his feet unless he barks an order at her for something else. It's a strange dynamic.
I think he has created some kind of mental loophole where he thinks of western women like myself as a different entity. We work together and speak together as men, because if he thought of me as a woman, we couldn't work on projects.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't wait on my SO. I love to cook and host dinner parties, and on regular days I still cook and serve him his food, clean up, etc., but I do it because I choose to and because I love him and respect him, and he has his own responsibilities. I have my own work, my own friends, speak to who I want, go where I want, and don't need permission to do things.
There is a difference between being a partner and being a slave. So to answer your question: No. Even after seeing first hand happy marriages between moderate muslims I can say with all certainty that, regardless of religious reasons, I would never consider marrying a Muslim man.
[–] Le_Squish 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
I've experienced this kind of disconnect when I worked with Japanese nationals. I was treated many times better than their own women and it boggled my mind.
[–] lastditchtryforaname 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I think you hit the nail on the head. My husband has certain expectations of me as a wife. He expects loyalty, faithfulness, honesty. He expects me to contribute to our household financially (since we don't have children) and he expects my help and support in all areas of our lives.
He does not expect me to act as a servant to him. I often do serve him as an expression of my love for him but he didn't marry me because he wanted me to be his cook/maid/concubine. He married me so that he could have me as a partner. It's a different dynamic when you are expected and required to be a servant than when you choose to be a helpmate.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 15 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago
[–] Le_Squish 0 points 10 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago (edited ago)
Muslim men have no tradition of respecting their wives as partners and help meets. Their relationships with women are at best adversarial and unnatural.
You would be a miserable slave.
[–] HungryCrow 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
Western women had friends and hobbies and a lot more freedom than muslim women.
My grandparents were married for almost sixty years, I would love to look back on my life with the same contentment they did.
[–] MrPim 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Wat? Your profile says youve been here a year. But this question is like you just got here.
[–] Le_Squish 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Maybe OP is a recovering THOT...
[–] HitleryKlanton 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Christian men don't marry toddlers...
[–] GreenPeas 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
The Qur'an describes a pretty sweet deal for women getting married. You get a gift of money when you get married from your husband, any money you make is yours while your husband is supposed to pay for all household needs, he is obligated to protect you and care for you and when their prophet described corporal punishment for women he depicted a method that made it impossible to hurt or even use force against your wife. In fact the hijab was instituted because men are believed to be incapable of controlling their sexual urges, unlike women. Your husband also wasn't allowed to take on additional wives without his first wife's permission.
Anyway no Muslim guy actually practices marriage the way his religion tells him to. I've been their friends, even dated them and seen friends marry them. I do not recommend it for a Western girl. If the guy isn't practicing they're awesome to hang out with, but they can switch back to being fundies at any time and usually do once they are in their mid 30's.
Also you should be trying to save your own race and culture, not interbreeding with people who are technically interlopers who seek to destroy your civilization. Dafuq are you even suggesting here?
[–] tisket 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Islamic marriage is nothing like Christian marriage. I'd be interested to know what you find similar, because I'm hard-pressed to find any similarities at all (besides the woman being expected to submit-- which in Christianity is of her own accord, and it is not the husband's job to punish her-- and have a servant's heart, which of course, in Christianity, is an expectation of ALL followers, which may be true of Islam as well).
And no, I would not ever marry a Muslim man...