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[–] Le_Squish 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

2 things need to happen. Demand that she gets help and be a man that inspires her to be her best. Work on shedding bad habits and retake control of your relationship.

Don't make excuses for her, don't coddle. She is an adult. No matter what her past trauma, she can choose to be different and seek a path of healing.

Let her know that you will no longer tolerate this behavior and she will get help and there will be counseling and improvement and you will fully support her but you are done if she is unwilling to move forward.

She will throw some criticism back on you. Take it, make no excuses. Just emphasize that from this moment you are going to be a better man and you would like to see her become a better woman.

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[–] 8344767? [S] ago 

This is the right way forward.