I've been hesitant to post this, because I do not want to be a failure. I just feel like it's not working out. Maybe I got married too quickly in the rush to have babies. He keeps putting off impregnating me, and I beg and beg.
Then I show him some picture from voat and he loses it about how I'm racist and don't ever talk about jews to him (he's polish but I didn't realize how sensitive he'd be) and get out of his house and all this. How I'm dumb because I get caught up in conspiracy theories on the internet, calling me a shill and an idiot.
I'm really sick of it. We've grown distant, we're not as intimate as we were. I wish he would respect my opinion. I'm not trying to talk badly about my spouse, I know that's bad, I just don't know what to do. He refuses to go to relationship or anger counseling. It's not bad all the time, sometimes he is nice and lovey, but sometimes he gets very angry and yells and calls me names and it is very hurtful.
I spend a lot of time looking up whether I should leave or not, but every article seems very feminist and seems to tell you to throw away your relationship for basically nothing. I did find a few Christian articles that said pretty much never get a divorce, so I wanted to get a sort of middle ground view.
I wanted so badly to be a traditional wife and have babies because you all convinced me it's the right thing to do. I'm thirty now, I was single most of my life before this. I wasn't a roastie, I just don't like people much. But I am too old to look for another relationship to have babies. I'm pushing it right now as it is, and every day we wait is worse. I don't mind being single, I just feel it is my Duty to the Race to reproduce.
Please advise. Everything is nice like 75% of the time, and the other time it is arguing. I thought as our relationship progressed we would argue less, but this is seeming to be not the case. Having never really been in a relationship, I don't know if this is normal and how it's supposed to go and I should just accept it.
Sorry if I am oversharing, I know this sub's been kind of dead but it turned my world around three or so years ago. Thank you all.