Scared the bajeebus out of me! Hiking to one of my favorite spots, very off the beaten path down in a canyon. I was collecting mushrooms and taking my sweet time.... Third creek crossing in and I was still trying to keep my feet dry, so I grabbed a log to span across the creek. Flopped it in to the creek and made the crossing with a few delicate leaps, success. Suddenly on the opposite bank, I started hearing what was unmistakeably mewling lion cubs! AMAZING! But I'm on high alert now. My phone's video recording function wouldn't work, and I tried messing with it for about a minute before the hairs on the back of my neck started to stand up... Fuck phones! I stood totally still for about another minute, peering into the dense underbrush.... WHOOSH. The nearly silent forest ninja mama lion crosses from my right to left about thirty yards away! I quickly drew my handgun, flicked the safety off as I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. Not wanting to be pursued, I let out three menacing gorilla 'AH-OOHs' althat echoed in the canyon as I retreated. Probably scared the shit out of the mountain lioness. Still, there was dense underbrush all around... So I jogged for about a half mile, checking my six the whole way before I slowed down, reholstered my piece and hiked the rest of the way out. Great experience! Will try it again. Gonna need some more turkey tail mushrooms eventually anyway! Also wouldn't mind seeing the lion again either. Hopefully I didn't scare her too much.
TLDR; Fucking go back to reddit, faggot.