I work in a bakery. Our main demographic are the elderly, obese, and both. Most hams are either nice, or neutral, and only on a rare occasion do I deal with hammy behavior. My job is to clean up the store after closing. Everyone goes home, and I clean while my boss does paperwork. It's quite comfy, really.
This story takes place around my first month working there. I locked up, and had begun mopping the floor, when a car pulled up. Out steps what I guessed used to be a human. The shebeast started calling out at me, and rattling the door, screaming at me to let her in.
I panicked for a few reasons, 1. I didn't know what to do, and 2. It's not every day someone approaches you by screaming.
I got my boss (old lady who was super sweet, and a turbo shitlord) to help with the problem. Boss let the whale in, and she stomped up to the counter, raging about how she had found something in her cake.
I knew fat people existed, but this was by first encounter with a beached whale. She towered over me, I clocked her at about 6 feet tall, and 250-300 lbs. She was wearing pajama pants, and a really thin tank top that accentuated more than I needed to see. Her gunt hung out of her "shirt", and rest against the glass case.....looks like I have to clean it...again. She was sweating, and puffing, as if the 7 foot walk from the door to the counter was robbing her of her shugahs. She was wearing crocs, and had some serious pit stains that needed to be attended to. What hit me next was the smell. The smell of human piss. This beef goblin smelled like a port-a-potty that had been baking in the sun. Someone smelling this bad should be illegal. My olfactory senses were anally ravaged by this smelly bitch.
While I was dying, my boss was dealing with her, cool as a cucumber. I wish she was a cucumber, because then I could have used it to scare away the hippo (word to actual hippos).
She shoved a wadded up napkin at my boss, and demanded a full refund. Boss says that she will gladly give her a refund, if she returns the cake.
"I can't return it, I ate it!"
"Then I can't give you your money back."
Sugarbeast "reeeeee"d harder, insisting that she deserved a refund for what she found. Boss opened the napkin, to reveal a little black thing, about the size of a pinky fingernail. In my mind, I was wondering what it was. Could it be part of a pan? Is it just charred food? Is it a bug?
Boss immediately knew what it was.
"Ma'am, this is a raisin."
Obeast was speechless.
"Well... How should I know? I don't like raisins!" She huffed off, and I was finally able to clean in peace. Boss was a bit steamed that someone threw such a tantrum over a raisin. Last thing I heard her say before she went back to her office was
"Not like you're going to lose any weight over it."
The fact that fruit is such a foreign concept to golems is beyond me. Good times, good times.