Have House of Leet, a Canadian geekhaus collective 6-bedroom with shared utilities and internet.
Be Tozetre, a hamplanet in remission who at the time of the story was 300lbs but with marginally less fatlogic than could be expected.
Be Artbro, a cool artist who ate very little and did a lot of kung fu with Tozetre.
Be Furbro, a furry but fellow school grad with Tozetre.
Be Auschwitzbro, a skeletonmode who graduated with Tozetre.
Be two other roommates who don't matter for this story.
Don't ever be SilkHam, 400+ pounds of real woman.
THE STORY SO FAR: SilkHam has begun dating Auschwitzbro, and having sex with him, loudly, in the middle of the night in the middle of the week.
THE SAGA CONTINUES...
At this point in the story I am fatasfatass and thus don't feel I have the right to be disgusted with annoying fat people
After having loud chihuahua-sex for two hours last night, SilkHam leaves.
I approach Auschwitzbro
"Dude I am straight happy for y'all but that went loud and long."
Auschwitzbro grins as part of what I can only assume is his Captain Ahab expression
"Okay let me put it this way, it was two straight hours of yipping noises when I was trying to sleep and that's not cool. I have to work in the mornings."
Auschwitzbro is apologetic
I think things are settled
two nights later, SilkHam appears again
"yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip! yip!"
pound on shared wall with fist
yipping mercifully stops
he flipped her over so her face is in the pillow
more accurate mental images
"(yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!) (yip!)"
tears of blood running down my face, I jam my $200 bass speaker under my bed and turn it up to 11
Vivaldi will surely save me
THE NEXT MORNING
SilkHam wanders out of Auschwitzbro's room
I am bleary-eyed and not well pleased
I am now aware that they make pajamas for lowland gorillas
"Oh, Tozetre, sorry if we kept you up all night.teehee "
Auschwitzbro steps out of room
"You did." "Ohteehee I'm sorry, he's just... (voice drops several octaves into what SilkHam thinks is seductive and what I recognize as the register cattle speak in) so good."
(An aside for later; she was a Ham as only Hams can and utterly convinced of her irresistible desirability, and evidently wanted to fuck everything that moved (slow enough for her to catchteehee ), though this was only evident much later. cf hypersexuality in morbidly obese women, which I only heard about when I started following this sub.)
pain of mental images her statement summons whites out world
white turns into red
I speak from within the frothing pit of hatred that is now my heart
"If you do it again I will kick that door down with steel-toed boots and fucking murder the both of you with the two by four in the coat closet."
SilkHam confused as to why my reaction is rage and not lust
Auschwitzbro aware that I am ready to commit felonies, hustles his pet cow out the door
There were no more noises after that, thank Cthulu, but the true horror was yet to arise.
TL;DR SilkHam continues her midnight symphonies and expresses her satisfaction with Auschwitzbro fulfilling her Womanly Needs, I react less than tactfully.