Friends, countrymen, citizens of the World, it is with great sadness and shame I must inform you the State of My Bowels are weak.
You see friends, on Wednesday I was at a public sporting event. The venue was lacking and in it were many a porta-potty. It was finally my turn to urinate, but when it was finally my turn I could not commence flow. There were laughing voices outside the porta-potty you see, and I could hear them giggling and complaining about the wait and growing impatient.
I am a kind and gentle citizen of the World, and I had to do what I could. I clenched my ass muscles super hard, you see, because usually when I do this when I have to shit I start to pee. It worked pretty well, but I fucking pulled something in my left bowel (I believe that is a medical term).
Later at the motel, the potent edible I had really started to kick in. I have been reading a lot of Graham Hancock recently, specifically about the Great Pyramid and the Spinx and a stargate. I was tripping out hard and had I came to the realization my anus is a stargate, and it was scary. I managed to fight off the aliens but I got nary a lick of sleep that night.
It has gotten progressively better, but my butt still hurts, especially when I try a bowel movement. Originally I worried I was just super constipated, and I almost gave myself a coffee enema. In the end I got scared, and I am going to wait it out. Updates to follow...