Yesterday, I decided to test the peasants and their research abilities.
I set them to the task of learning about Grange Hall conspiracies. I only gave them a few breadcrumbs and carefully timed some comments.
Hundreds of them read this - but only a few responded. Does not matter. I know damned well those weirdos that read it, actually had the seed sown. (That's a pun, you'll see.)
The Grange Hall is actually this group. The National Grange of the Order of Patrons of Husbandry.
That's right, motherfuckers. They're a secret fraternal organization that is by invite only and has been quietly pulling the strings of America since forever. They're pretty much the Freemasons of farming!
By outward appearances, they're actually just a bunch of old people with too much time on their hands. They grow stuff to show at agricultural fairs, knit stuff, make quilts, and stuff like that.
However, the truth is a little more sinister than that!
See, I've got some insider knowledge. That's right. Only one of us here actually goes to the Grange Hall and that one of us is distinctly not you.
I've PERSONALLY witnessed events of agricultural fair corruption. There have been contests so bribed that sawdust would have won the apple pie contest. There have been full blown old lady yelling matches - as a matter of public spectacle. However, that's just the public part. You should see what goes on behind closed doors!
That's nothing. It never, ever makes the newspaper. I'm pretty sure they control our media! That's corruption and nobody gets prosecuted! This has to go to the highest levels of government!
The media is silent!
There's cash prizes, too! They even get ribbons! The newspaper happily even posts pictures of the winners and half of 'em probably cheated to get there! It's fucking nepotism, too! They protect their own.
Some of them are so bad that they call in judges from other Grange Halls, who are meant to be impartial. Yeah, right. Like they're any less partial and prone to bribery.
Once, I was asked if I wanted to judge some brownies. I agreed and went to the fair early. Some old lady followed me around and fed me delicious food while she told me that she was in the brownie contest. That's fucking bribery and the newspapers don't publish a damned thing about it!
Nobody has gone to jail for it. I checked.
Which is to say, they're just horrible at researching. I gave them all the clues they needed.
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[–] TheBuddha [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I'm gonna write a mystery novel and name it, "Three Old Ladies and The Mystery of the Pinking Sheer Murder."