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[–] LegoMyEgo 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Try incorporating your interests into your interactions with customers or coworkers. You said like to bake bread so bake some and bring it to work to share with coworkers. Maybe they won't like it or it won't lead to any conversations, but it may also lead to someone asking for a recipe or advice. I've found that a lot more people feel the same way as you and it's probably just as hard for them to share their interests too. Sometimes you have to open up a little to get people to respond. Share the movies you watch talk about them even if you don't know the actors or directors, talk about the story or sequels or whatever.

I know there are some things I fake because I just can't relate but I at least try to sound interested. And if you don't know much about what they're talking about, ask questions. People love talking about themselves and you get to learn about their interests to develop later talking points.

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[–] Nurdoidz [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Of course! I don't believe we're on the same page here, though. I may not be the best conversationalist, but I know how to keep a conversation whenever I need to. I overcame that problem a few years ago. It doesn't bother me at all.

What bothers me is whether the direction I'm heading in is a healthy path to take emotionally. I'm just wondering if I'm going to be a big asshole in the future if I don't start caring about whether or not I'm doing things right: whether or not I should care about giving more attention to my interaction skills. Or whether I'm just over-complicating things and shouldn't worry about it.

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[–] LegoMyEgo 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Oh gotcha. I would say if you don't struggle with keeping conversation then no I don't think it matters if you don't start caring about people's personal lives. You can fake enough through conversation without really trying and still come across like you care. It might concern me if I didn't care about the personal lives of close friends or relatives, but not necessarily coworkers, acquaintances, or customers.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

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[–] Nurdoidz [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Well, I don't have anything against those I'm talking about here. I was just drawing differences where it was relevant. For example, I don't think it's a common person thing to take my food inventory or my self-made journaling system so seriously. But I do share a lot of interests (albeit not so strongly) with lots of people. I get along with a lot of people and consider my social life reasonably healthy.

I'm just wondering if it's healthy that a lot of it isn't genuine. I don't know, maybe deep down I feel like I'm a fraud for faking a lot of it? Or maybe I'm asking about something that doesn't really exist in me and that I'm like a lot of other people but just with a different (and deceived) perspective.

Of course, it's a different story with my family. Around my family and close friends, I am sympathetic rather than apathetic and care a lot about them, what they say, and how they feel.

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[–] MamaFrankie 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

You sound to me like a completely normal, healthy human to me. To those whom you feel the closest, you care, and to everyone else who you do not know you shove yourself into the box of your culture to keep society from devolving into pure chaos. You have reached a point in your life where you can feel the walls of this box closing in around you, pressing up against you, seeming to define your boundaries.

It doesn't. It doesn't define you at all and it's totally ok to not enjoy it and you are not alone. For me, the societal norms of my culture are just the tools I use to navigate new social situations so I can get back to work on the stuff I think is really, really cool!

So if this is a sinking boat, I'm in it with you. :)

Also... is this LifeNotes available to check out? I'm also an avid journaler, not to suggest any correlation with the above. ^_^

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

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[–] chags 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You mean like, beyond your circle of family and friends, everything is fake? All the chat is like news, weather, something about the job? Nothing is deep, sincere or meaningful? If so, I think it's just like this. Maybe trying some more meaningful conversations here and there is interesting sometimes, but go too deep and you're a freak.

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[–] Nurdoidz [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Well, not everything. Some of the small talk that goes around is genuine. When the conversation goes a little deeper, it usually goes two ways: one way where we're both having a blast talking about random things and joking around (or having a grand debate on the weirdest thing) or the other when it goes in a direction I have no interest in and I feel like it's pointless. Or when customers that I just met and will never see again start talking about stuff I have no idea about when I have to get work done.

The more I talk about it with others like you, the more it starts to feel like I'm just exaggerating a specific part of my life. I just see other coworkers talk to customers with such a genuine interest that they're naturals at it. I started to feel like maybe it's a bad thing that I don't do the same thing? But I think I'm starting to realize that I guess it's just something I wasn't meant to do, I guess.

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[–] chags 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Well, if there's something wrong with you, I'm in the same boat. Of course, I can connect with strangers sometimes, but I just know that the most of people don't want to go deeper than the standard social chit chat thing, and I don't it the most of time either. Maybe were just reserved, shy or whatever.

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[–] Crom 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

If you're looking to change your outlook on your fellow man, it can help to treat other people as your job. Forget about yourself; your job is to let the other person talk about themselves. Keep asking them questions to further their answers. Their amusement is your responsibility. If you do this enough, you'll likely find that you actually care to learn more about others, and that they make your life more interesting by knowing their interests.

It's a good way to break out of a self-centered perspective and to build up empathy. And as an added bonus, man do people really like you when you put that much effort into them.

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[–] Nurdoidz [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I know I have a long way to go, but I think I may give it a shot and try to build up the empathy. After all, it may be some fun. Thanks!

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

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[–] Nurdoidz [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

The post was mainly a matter of whether or not my sense of apathy for strangers I encountered on a daily basis was something that would cause problems in the future. I admitted that I'm not the best conversationalist, but I still have the social skills to keep a conversation up, despite my slight social awkwardness.

As for hobby groups, it's almost impossible to find a place on the internet (let alone in real life) that shares my interests, especially in the extreme that I do. Kind of makes me want to stop looking and create my own space on my sub /v/journal and do it that way. :-)

But yes, I fit in on the Internet so much that it feels like I live two lives!

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[–] loganvrk 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

No one cares about your life either. People care about their own lives. Part of being a decent conversationalist is being interested in another person's life, so that they feel included in the conversation as well. When it comes down to it, if you don't care about the other person's side of the story, then you're making the decision to have terrible conversations into the foreseeable future. "Faking it", while a solution to this problem, isn't a healthy solution. I used to be a stuttering, quiet mess when forced to converse, and this helped me a lot: If you make the effort to care about the other participant in a conversation, their day would be improved by having this conversation with you, as this talk will (hopefully) refreshingly diverge from their daily experience. Having a really nice talk with someone is a fantastic way to be a force of good rather than a force of apathy.

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[–] Nurdoidz [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I think you missed the main question I had and made some assumptions about me that weren't true. Firstly, I don't have any problems with conversating with people. Sure, there are a lot of people near me that can talk better than me, but, for the most part, I don't have a problem with that part of my life. This isn't another "I'm an introvert, boo-hoo" thread.

The main concern I really had was whether or not the fact that I have apathy for most strangers would eventually affect me in a negative way in the future. You touched on the subject a bit, but not in a tangible way to answer my question.

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[–] loganvrk 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

My mistake. That's how it reads to me, at least. You open the post with saying that you're aren't a very good conversationalist, and wonder why you should care about other people's lives. I have some niche interests just like you have, and those common interests you listed are shared between both of us and a lot of other people. I just wanted to touch on why caring about another person's life would make conversation better for both participants, and why that would be beneficial in the long run (the bit about being a force of good). As for if apathy towards others lives will have negative effects, I guess it depends on whether or not you care about the quality of your conversations moving forward. Perhaps it could affect your ability to network with others as apathy in general affects a person's charisma in a negative way.

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[–] TheGlowingRogue 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Find people who have some things in common, and work from there. If they're the sort of person that are worth really trying to form a strong relationship with then they'll be willing to try to learn about your weirder interests, though you should make an effort to try the things they like too. Who knows, one of you may find that you really like something the other introduces to you.

So you basically shouldn't try to find someone who shares everything you're into and keep an open mind about their interests.