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[–] GOMAD_OR_GFYAD 1 points 3 points (+4|-1) ago 

Wait until their lives go to shit then be there for them

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[–] CaliforniaStoic [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Interesting idea, thank you.

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[–] RickC-137 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

People tend to mirror others emotions. If you act more friendly, excited, and engage more you will likely become better friends.

Also ask them for favors. Ben Franklin Effect

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[–] varialus 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I haven't a clue, but I just wanted to chime in and say that I don't really understand friendship as an adult. I mean I understand the theory of it, but being friends with people just feels weird. Drop by anytime? Drop by anytime and do what exactly? Am I really supposed to just drop by unannounced? That made sense as a kid, but it doesn't so much anymore, at least not for me. Ok, so we could go out to eat or something, but oh wait, I don't even want to go out to eat or really go out and do anything, so why are we doing this, what's even the purpose of being friends. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be about enjoying somebody's company, but if you don't particularly enjoy anybody's company, then what's the point. Meh, I may just be a tad bit depressed or something, but I'm not sad. I know that doesn't technically rule out depression, but it makes it weird to label it that when you're not sad. And so what if I were a tad bit depressed? Am I supposed to take an anti-depressant? No thanks! That shit might help but it fuckin' terrifies me. So what does that leave? Yeah yeah exercise, get some fresh air, healthy thoughts and healthy company. I know, I know, but it's all such a chore. Anyway, yeah, what's the point? What's the point to anything? Yeah, I know, a meaningful life with meaningful relationships. I mean, I am working on all that jazz, but it's slow going when ya just ain't feelin' it. But whatever, I'm not actually as bad off as I probably sound, I just feel like complaining.

Anyway, it's cool that you've come as far as you have already with your friends. I hope you're able to strengthen it and maybe turn it up a bit. Maybe you can start a movement or an organization of some sort. Mixing money is a bad idea, but if you mentioned that you're wanting to start up a local militia or cult or something, maybe they'd be interested. Maybe you could start something that you already suspect that they'd be interested in.

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[–] CaliforniaStoic [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I agree with the strangeness of adult friends.

The only ones I want to be with are often ambitious or smart enough that I feel like I'm learning from.

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[–] Warnos44 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Vari, if you've always felt this way then it probably isn't depression. Some people genuinely like being alone and there is nothing wrong with that. But if it hasn't been that way your entire life, indeed it is probably depression related. I didn't think I was depressed because I also didn't feel sad. It was more of not seeing much point in anything. I didn't really enjoy anything at all, except sex. Going to get togethers felt very forced and drained what little energy I felt like I had for other things.

It's a cycle like everything else. I think we all need down time (labeled depression) to be introspective. The only bad thing is that now everyone is entertained non stop and they don't do any introspection, so the normal cycle is delayed and personal growth and understanding is often retarded due to lack of attention and time.

The exercise, fresh air, good company, etc sounds nice and all but that's not realistic when in that state. What is needed is just quiet and no electronics. Awareness and stillness. Even if you just sit in your abode and look out the window at cars driving by, trees sitting, or bums pissing in an alley, it allows your mind to organically process what is inside of it through what you see without. If you like to doodle it helps too, but I find it so meaningless and can't get myself to do it anymore.

Wishing you a good cycle completion so that you can get back to living life. If you're interested, there is this excellent book on cognitive therapy that I have found to be the very best of anything I've ever read. It's meant for depression, but I feel like it should be a book for living. It addresses all the crap we absorb internally without realizing we hold ourselves to. I'd always thought I'd never had "internal voices" but I did, they just didn't manifest the way I thought they do.

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[–] varialus 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I do think I'm a bit depressed, but I don't think it has changed how much or under what circumstances I enjoy being around people. I think my depression stems from a loss of religious faith, and a realization that nothing can guarantee that a person will find their special someone or whatever. I have a hard time maintaining motivation, but I can manage to muster up scraps of motivation, which I try to apply towards bettering my life and getting to a better place. The progress is way slower than I would like it to be, but I do gradually make progress, so I'm content enough for now.

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[–] Warnos44 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I agree that if you're there for them when they need you, it often helps cement the relationship. But you can't bet that other people won't also be there for them, and you'll still be among the group that you currently consider yourselves part of.

To go to the next level both parties have to have a need that can be filled. Luckily it's four people, and only two of them have to make that happen to get the rest to go along.

It is often said that people like to help others, and to feel like they are doing good deeds, are increasing the respect they have. If there is something you could use help with, ask them to help you. Finding a project together like building a tree house (don't know if you have kids), a project car for the guys, are you a chick? Girls like to bond over relationship advice and insecurities. If you're into fitness, sometimes it's nice to all get road bikes and cycle together, go backpacking, etc. Maybe consider going on a road trip or vacation together for a weekend. My husband's best friend & his wife and I all go to this beach house once a year. We live far away from one another, but it's how we keep in touch.

Above all, I think the one thing that cements friendships is trust. Never repeat anything you know to anyone else, don't communicate things that you shouldn't to your friends about others. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page in regards to this and also, be careful about potential attraction because god knows sometimes that ends up being the cement, albeit the wrong kind!